Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Weeds - A Distinctive Horn (S05E05)

"Previously on Weeds:"
Weeds
"All I know is some stiletto-heeled Mexi-cunt screeches at you..."
Weeds
"...suddenly the marriage is off."
Weeds
"They want me to have this baby off the grid. No birth certificate."
Weeds
"If I disappear, if the baby disappears, nobody knows."
Weeds
"It's fucking Rosemary's Baby."
Weeds
"We gotta go to Dr. Lehman's. I have to have this baby right now."
Weeds
"-Christ. My boob. -Deal with it."
Weeds
"I need to ask you a question. Are you a closer or a loser?"
Weeds
"You're Pretty! will front you the products you need..."
Weeds
"...to put yourself on the road to financial freedom."
Weeds
"Very impressive. Thanks for involving me, dickhead."
Weeds
"-You're a jinx. -You're a douche bag."
Weeds
"-Everybody down. -Is this a joke?"
Weeds
"No, it's no joke, fat ass. You have the right to remain silent."
Weeds
"I need you to get the baby out as soon as possible."
Weeds
"You're two days away from your due date."
Weeds
"Father is a drug kingpin, which could pose a problem..."
Weeds
"...if he ever decided to kill its mother the minute she gives birth."
Weeds
"He has your eyes."
Weeds
"This is a very handsome boy."
Weeds
"You must have a very beautiful life."
Weeds
"-Do you wanna know why--? -What are you doing?"
Weeds
"Don't interrupt me, Nancy. It's impolite."
Weeds
"And breaches in etiquette make me wanna throw things."
Weeds
"Right?"
Weeds
"Do you wanna know why I've never had children?"
Weeds
"Because you'd eat them, and children are super fattening?"
Weeds
"Children are inconvenient."
Weeds
"They complicate even the simplest things."
Weeds
"And they want, and they want."
Weeds
"And if you let them, they'll take everything you have."
Weeds
"This little milk ball was a mistake."
Weeds
"A mistake that would end the career of a very promising politician."
Weeds
"I am here to correct that mistake."
Weeds
"You can help me..."
Weeds
"...or you can try to stop me. Which do you think would be better..."
Weeds
"...for the handsome men in your beautiful life?"
Weeds
"-Here you go. -Thank you."
Weeds
"-Gotta get that done. -Okay."
Weeds
"Raylene. Raylene. Hi. I need to talk to you."
Weeds
"Oh, there is a Q&A after the seminar. I'm sure it'll answer all your questions."
Weeds
"No one is buying this shit."
Weeds
"I'll be just a minute. Okay?"
Weeds
"It's like the Depression out there, all right?"
Weeds
"Women are pinching their cheeks for blush."
Weeds
"Trannies, they're staining their lips with plum juice."
Weeds
"I cannot sell makeup when civilization is collapsing."
Weeds
"Oh, Cee-Cee."
Weeds
"Economic downturns are great for beauty."
Weeds
"Poor people wear the most makeup."
Weeds
"Well, then they're stealing it, because I can't move anything."
Weeds
"And it's "Celia.""
Weeds
"Well, I'm not interested in Celia. I am interested in Cee-Cee."
Weeds
"See, Celia is a quitter. But Cee-Cee, she sells a lifestyle."
Weeds
"Cee-Cee sells self-esteem in small doses."
Weeds
"A positive reflection in a floor-length mirror."
Weeds
"Confidence. Happiness. Sex."
Weeds
"Well, bully for Cee-Cee. I am returning your shit product."
Weeds
"I will pay for what I used."
Weeds
"Doesn't work that way."
Weeds
"You signed a contract, meaning you owe for what you have..."
Weeds
"...and you owe for the deliveries you'll be receiving for the next 12 months."
Weeds
"If you break the contract, if you do not pay what you owe..."
Weeds
"...you'll go to jail for defrauding our company."
Weeds
"-Is that what you want? -No. I will not go back there."
Weeds
"-I will die first. -No, you will sell cosmetics first."
Weeds
"Oh, come on. You just need to remind Cee-Cee..."
Weeds
"...that she is selling the You're Pretty! dream..."
Weeds
"...so that Celia doesn't have to live..."
Weeds
"...the you're-ugly-and-behind-bars nightmare."
Weeds
"Who's pretty?"
Weeds
"You're Pretty!"
Weeds
"I am the father of this child."
Weeds
"Not according to your dear friend Pilar."
Weeds
"And the birth certificate."
Weeds
"She is just protecting my public image."
Weeds
"And she has a point."
Weeds
"Did you break an ankle backpedaling that fast?"
Weeds
"She threatened our son. Your son."
Weeds
"We can leave the father's name blank until after the election, and then--"
Weeds
"And then another election and another election and--"
Weeds
"-I will speak to her. -She was very clear."
Weeds
"Your name will not appear on that birth certificate."
Weeds
"There'll be no public record linking you to me, to your son."
Weeds
"I will not allow another man to sign this."
Weeds
"Then you sign it. Tell that cunt to eat shit and die."
Weeds
"-We'll live happily ever after. The end. -It's not that easy."
Weeds
"No. Because she owns you."
Weeds
"But you love me."
Weeds
"And I love you. And...."
Weeds
"-No, I'll have Cesar take these to-- -Oh, that's okay. My family's coming."
Weeds
"I'll go with them."
Weeds
"Nancy."
Weeds
"-I-- -Okay, then, Mrs. Botwin."
Weeds
"I've got your discharge paperwork all set up for you."
Weeds
"Just need a few scribbles on a few dotted lines."
Weeds
"Hi there."
Weeds
"Okay. I'll get you a wheelchair up here, and--"
Weeds
"Oh, no, I don't--"
Weeds
"I don't-- I don't need a wheel thing. Chair."
Weeds
"Oh, now, hospital policy, you know?"
Weeds
"Did you get that birth-certificate form all filled out for me?"
Weeds
"No. I--"
Weeds
"Fuck it."
Weeds
"Great. Thank you, baby."
Weeds
"Why the hell should I help you?"
Weeds
"You mean as opposed to the many corporations you represent?"
Weeds
"Business has been just fine."
Weeds
"Customers from the boba-tea place been wandering in here by accident?"
Weeds
"-Suck it. -Mr. Hodes, please help us."
Weeds
"We can't get our weed back without a court order."
Weeds
"My rate is $500 an hour."
Weeds
"That better include a rim job."
Weeds
"Look, when we're back in business, we'll lay a couple ounces on you."
Weeds
"Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you."
Weeds
"-And fuck you. -Okay, I know what this is about."
Weeds
"You're pissed off because I did not cut you in on the pot club."
Weeds
"But that's just because you're cursed with schmuckness."
Weeds
"-Doug. -You're an asshole."
Weeds
Show more clips