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Clips from Mike Tyson Mysteries - Mike Tysonland (S03E03)

"(THEME SONG PLAYING)"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Half?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Mike, this is a standard arrangement."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"There's no prenuptial agreement,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"there are no custody issues to deal with. It's very cut and dry."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"As your wife,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Carol's entitled to half of your income for the duration of your marriage."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"So, that comes to..."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-Twenty-three million dollars. -What?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"We got married on Friday, it's Monday!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Well, it's Tuesday,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"and on Monday, you received the balloon payment"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"from a settlement with the greater New England boxing authority for $46 million."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Shit! Should've came here on Monday."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Man! But we are trying to make it work."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Well Carol, I wish you the best."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I honestly do."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Except I probably should've came in here on Monday."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"CAROL: Am I really getting $23 million?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"(ELEVATOR BELL RINGS)"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Mike, hey, I actually have something else for you to sign."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"What does she want, Yung Hee?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-I should have full custody of Yung Hee. -No, Mike."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I guess she could have her during the week,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"and I guess every other weekend and holidays."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"She can have those too."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-Those are stressful. -No, Mike."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Maybe it'd be good."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I could turn Yung's room into uh, like studio."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Like art studio,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"or a music studio,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"or a studio apartment."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Rent it out maybe for like $23 million."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Mike, this is about something else."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"We finally settled with Dunbar about the property in New Mexico."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"What property in Mexico?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"New Mexico..."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"(CHUCKLES) No, you're thinking of New York, but go on."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"The 2,600 acres of scrubland outside of Las Cruces."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"It was gonna be a hazardous waste storage site."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"We just finished construction on a mile-and-a-half deep cement line pit"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"when the county sued and the other investors backed out."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Look, I think the smartest thing we could do is sell and be done with it."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Cut your losses, which I don't have to tell you have been significant."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Are you crazy?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You're telling me I own 2,600 acres of scrubland all to myself?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Pinch me."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Mike, I strongly advise you to sell this property."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Don't be strongly advising me, mother-(BLEEP), I just met you."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Mike, I've been your lawyer for 17 years."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Our families have taken vacations together."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I'm, I'm Yung's godfather."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I only have Yung half the time now, so you have to take that up with Carol."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I'm not selling that property!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, everybody, guess what?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"We're only 63 miles away."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Away from what? Our shallow graves?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not gonna kill you."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Then why are we blindfolded and tied up?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You're blindfolded so you can't see where we're going, okay?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Surprise factor."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"And you're tied up so you won't take off your blindfolds, okay?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Just be happy I took the duct tape off your mouth, okay?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Because I will put that (BLEEP) back on so fast."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"MIKE: Okay, we're here. I'm gonna take off your blindfold,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"but keep your eyes shut, okay?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, open."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Ah. Is my blindfold still on? Because I can't see anything."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"YUNG HEE: What is this?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Wow! This is not the reaction I was expecting."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"In my mind, it was going to be a lot of high fiving, a lot of hooting and hollering."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"A lot of, "Thank you for driving this 10 hours"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
""to see this 2,600 acres of undeveloped scrubland.""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Is that what we're looking at? Scrubland?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"And what even is scrubland?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Land you can't do anything with."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You can't farm on it, you can't build anything on it..."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Scrubland! And I own 2,600 acres of it."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, great. Now, can we turn around and go home?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"No way, Jose. I gotta get a good look at this land in the light of the day."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Figure out what I'm gonna do with it."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I thought you just said you just can't do anything with it."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Don't tell me what I can and can't do mother-(BLEEP), I just met you."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"(ENGINE STARTING)"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"What?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh! This is cute."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Kitschy... Oh, no, filthy."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"(DINGS)"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-(MARQUESS GRUNTS) -Dad!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-(MARQUESS GASPS) -I'm sorry."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"It's just when I hear a bell, it's instinctive."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"I go for the knockout every time."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-What the hell y'all want? -MARQUESS: Ugh."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Oh, um, we just wanted a couple of rooms for the night."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Y'alls with the federal government?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Yes, yes. That is President Jimmy Carter."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"That's Vice Presidential candidate, Geraldine Ferraro."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"This is Secretary of Defense, Caspar Weinberger."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"And I am minority whip Trent Lott, from the great state of Mississippi."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"(IN SOUTHERN ACCENT) And yes, we would like a room."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Look, I'm not trying to be threatening."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Okay, well, maybe we put down the shotgun then."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"My dad and all my uncles say there're tons of federal agents undercover 'round here."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"They're preparing to impose martial law and take away our rights!"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"They want to do population control."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Make this like Canada or some shit."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"-All your uncles? -What?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You said, "My dad and all my uncles.""
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"How many uncles do you have? Like more than the normal amount?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"Are you making fun of me, bird?"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"No, no one's making fun of you."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"We're, we're just tired,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"and we'd love a couple of rooms, some down pillows,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"and I don't know if room service is still going on,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"but I would love, because we ate nothing but fast food on the drive here,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"a field-green salad, and if you have wild salmon,"
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"or chicken breast, you could just throw that on there, dressing on the side."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
"You know what? No. Don't even tempt me."
Mike Tyson Mysteries
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