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Clips from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Who Pooped the Bed? (S04E04)

"chocolate variety."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Oh, well, that would be fine and dandy..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"if any of it were true."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Can we wrap this up at some point?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"In due time, pretty face."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"In due time."
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"Isn't it true you thought you'd been pooping the bed for months now?"
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"You chalked it up to your old plumbing and penchant for spicy foods."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Morning after morning, you'd bury your poop after you rose"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"to hide it from Charlie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But... convinced that Charlie had discovered his dirty little secret,"
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"Frank pooped the bed again the next night as revenge,"
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"only a lot more came out than he expected."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"He had gone too far."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I've gone too far."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Due to the size and severity of the poop, Frank concluded"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"that Charlie had been pooping the bed all along."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"And so he cleaned up the mess and wandered the streets,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"looking for someone who could replicate Charlie's small"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"and malnourished turd."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"And that's where he came upon his old friend, Rickety Cricket."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Get up!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Known the world over for his ability to replicate any man's stool,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Cricket came back and committed fecal forgery."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Which leads us to the third turd."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Dennis and Mac thought it'd be funny to put the frame on Frank"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"and Charlie, and so they both pooped."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But, as so often happens, the poop rolled together and two became one."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"A turd merger..."
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"fused together by fear and hatred... and hair."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But on to the final poop!"
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"A poop that can be traced back to Dee!"
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"But not to her butt."
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"The waitress, drunk out of her mind and furious that Dee had pushed"
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"her back into the arms of the bottle, pooped in Dee's purse"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"while Dee's back was turned."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"And Dee carried it unknowingly until she arrived here and the lights"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"went out and she was startled, knocking her purse to the floor,"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"causing the turd to tumble where it stands"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"before us, right now."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"So, as you can see,"
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"the mystery of who pooped the bed has been solved."
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"And yes my friends, in a way, you're all guilty."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I did it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- What? - I did 'em all."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I did all the poops."
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"- Really? - Yeah, I did everyone of them."
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"I even did one, while she was rappin us, right here."
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"- Dude! - Jesus!"
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"God! Why would you do that, dude?"
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"Because poop is funny."
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"I guess poop is very funny."
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"- Poop is funny. - He pooped on the floor."
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"You know what, well-played my man!"
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"Well-played!"
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"I hate my life."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Hey, you guys, what are you doing tonight?"
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"What the hell kind of question is that?"
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"Yeah, you're asking us to predict the future, Dee."
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"How can I predict the future?"
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"Well, there's a new martini bar opening up downtown."
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"I thought maybe we could do something different tonight."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Where is this shit coming from?"
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"She just watched that stupid Sex and the City movie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Oh, my God, when will that show die?"
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"Never, apparently."
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"Dee, you tried this shit 30 years ago when that show first came on the air."
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"Nobody wants to play Sex and the City with you."
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"Come on, Charlie."
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"You know you did it."
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"- Fess up! - I did not poop the bed!"
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"- Rewind. - What?"
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"I'm sorry."
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"Did you say something about pooping in a bed?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Yeah, there was some poop in our bed this morning."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Oh, Jesus."
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"And Charlie did it."
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"That is bullshit!"
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"Guys, hold on a second. Relax!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Walk us through what happened. Nice and slow."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Well, yesterday we wake up and there's a piece of poop right"
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"in the middle of me and Frank, okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Wait a minute, so this happened two nights in a row?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"So we threw the first piece of poop out 'cause big deal, whatever."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Accidents happen, right?"
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"But then this morning, there's another piece of poop in the exact same spot."
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"Now, Frank says it's not him."
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"I say it's not me, but you bet your ass it's one of us."
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"This is a lot to handle."
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"Now, the second poop, you held onto it, right?"
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"Brought it along."
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"Dee, when we said we can't predict the future, how could we"
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"possibly have seen something this awesome coming?"
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"Yeah, we're going to have to clear our schedules."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"What?!"
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"This is going to require a lot of attention."
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"You're not going to go out with me tonight 'cause"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"these idiots found two poopies in a bed?"
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"But it's not the poop."
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"It's the mystery behind the poop."
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"Hey, girlfriend!"
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"Oh, my God, you scared me!"
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"Did I? My bad."
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"Why did you jump out from behind a car?"
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"- Were you stalking me? - Girlfriend, you're crazy."
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"- Stop calling me girlfriend. - So check it:"
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"Putting together a girl night out."
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"Want you to come."
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"Oh, my God, why would I ever go out with you?"
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"I hate you."
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"I know. I hate you, too."
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"That's the way girls are. We're catty."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"We backstab and talk about each other behind our backs and stalk."
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"Don't you remember how Samantha and Carrie and the dykey redhead"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"used to do that kind of fun stuff?"
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"I don't know who you're talking about."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Sex and the City."
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"You are the worst."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Look, I know you're going to be alone tonight, okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I read all about it in the notebook Charlie keeps of your whereabouts."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
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