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Clips from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Who Pooped the Bed? (S04E04)

"- You don't have any friends. - I have a ton of friends."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Name one friend."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Frederick is your cat and he died three weeks ago."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Look, it's all here in the notebook, so stop busting"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"my balls and let's go meet some men."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Give me that notebook."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm not gonna give you the notebook."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Don't reach for the notebook."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'll give you the notebook if you come out with me tonight."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Fine. - Fine! See you tonight!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You want me to do what?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"We want you to examine our poopie."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"We just want to know who it came from."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That's it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I mean... Now, we don't presume to be scientists."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That's why we brought it to you."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"We assume there's some kind of test you can run with some of these machine."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You don't actually have to do any tests 'cause I already know"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"it's Charlie's poop and not mine."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You have a hole in the back of your pajamas."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"It's not my poop!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You've been sleeping in a giant dress shirt."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"It probably just fell out the bottom of it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Okay, clearly, we need to figure this out before it tears us apart."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"The only way for us to get to the bottom of this is for you"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"to tear that poop apart and tell us what's inside of it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You know, get inside there."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You want me to examine a plastic container full of feces?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I feel like you're going to say something else right there"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"and then you stopped, right?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Please get out of my lab."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That wasn't what he was going to say."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Man, why'd you have to go there?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Look, it's a simple job."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"By the way, there's no reason to be harsh."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Tiny little simple poop test!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You just missed out on an extraordinary adventure, pal."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Let's get out of here."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"There's other ways to figure this out."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Pussy!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You got turd?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Yeah, we got a turd."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'll take a look at it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Okay, well... it's definitely poop."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Uh, yeah, we know that, guy."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Whoever it was seems to have been eating newspaper."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"All right, well, now we're getting somewhere."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Which one of you idiots was eating a goddamn newspaper?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"It's gonna go both ways, dude."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Really? - I'm sorry, yeah."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"What else? What else?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"This appears to be a piece of a credit card."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Inconclusive."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"How is that not specific to one of you?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I wish it was, man, but that's inconclusive."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But you've got to..."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"There's a good deal of blood in this stool."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Of course there is."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Whoever's it is should see a doctor."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Well, don't give us judgments."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Just tell us what's in there."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"What else?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- This is wolf hair. - Wolf air."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Also inconclusive."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Jesus Christ!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"There is so much wolf hair in our apartment right now, man."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"But why are you eating it?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Well, you ingest everything."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Both of you are eating wolf?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Have you tried it before?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"All right, guys!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"This is getting us nowhere."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Can we move on to the DNA test, please?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That's a good idea."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"DNA's good."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Yeah, I can't do that."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"What do you mean?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- Aren't you a scientist? - Yeah, do it."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"No, I'm an Econ major."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I just wanted to look at some poop."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You're not a scientist?!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I never said I was a scientist."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Bro, you have wasted out time."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"You have ruined our turd."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That's the only piece of evidence that we have."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Who is she again?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Oh, that's Artemis."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"She's the sassy one who always plays by her own rules."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Guys are playing hard to get."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'm gonna take off my bra, blast my nips."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Okay, let's hold on that."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I think what we need to do is just talk and have fun."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Bring 'em to us, you know?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"So Artemis, where'd you get that great top?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Burmington Coat Factory."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I got it on sale. It's irregular."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Excuse me!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Hi, can we get three Cosmos, please?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Actually, make mine a water."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Water? We're in a bar."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Yeah, well, I have a drinking problem."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"That's a horribly unattractive thing to announce to everybody."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"I'd like a water, please."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"She'll take a Cosmo and she'll just hold it in her hand."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"- That's fine. - That is a terrible idea."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"It's a pretty good idea if you want to get that notebook back."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Yeah, I'll take a Jager Bomb."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"No Jager Bombs."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Fine, Irish Car Bomb."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Sake Bomb?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Nothing with bombs in the name, okay?"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Please, the Cosmos."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Go get the Cosmos."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Thanks a lot."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Goddamn it!"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Hottie alert at 2:00."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
"Here they come. Incoming."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia