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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Trampage (S02E02)

"I go years without hearing from women."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, maybe we can save this. What have you texted her today?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Whoa. - Oh, God."
Mr. Mayor
"Did you copy and paste all the lyrics to a Joni Mitchell song?"
Mr. Mayor
"No. No, I-I typed them out."
Mr. Mayor
"And a voice memo?"
Mr. Mayor
"It does voice memos?"
Mr. Mayor
"Siri, search Angelica Masters control-top pantyhose."
Mr. Mayor
"And you sent her a red heart?"
Mr. Mayor
"[scoffs] Sir, the progression"
Mr. Mayor
"is green heart, yellow heart, purple heart, pink heart,"
Mr. Mayor
"double-pink heart, then red heart."
Mr. Mayor
"A red heart is what you send to your mom"
Mr. Mayor
"on, like, Mothers' Day or to your dad"
Mr. Mayor
"when he sends you a picture of fish he caught"
Mr. Mayor
"and you don't know how else to connect."
Mr. Mayor
"God, what's wrong with me?"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm being a total doofus."
Mr. Mayor
"And it's because of this thing."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm gonna go talk to her face-to-face."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, no, no, no. - Yes, yes, yes."
Mr. Mayor
"Sir, I am gonna tell you"
Mr. Mayor
"what I would tell any friend of mine."
Mr. Mayor
"Do not contact Angelica for one year."
Mr. Mayor
"You're being hyperbolic."
Mr. Mayor
"You need her to forget what you did."
Mr. Mayor
"Come on."
Mr. Mayor
"I am being as serious as Nicole Kidman in a drama"
Mr. Mayor
"where she cannot be Australian."
Mr. Mayor
"One year, minimum."
Mr. Mayor
"I'll set a one-year timer on your phone, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"Is the old car horn ringtone okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"No, no, no."
Mr. Mayor
"Ms. Shaw, did you see my memo?"
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, yeah, you're mad at Tommy"
Mr. Mayor
"because he made you too good at scratchers?"
Mr. Mayor
"Yes. You may have noticed the erasers"
Mr. Mayor
"have been gnawed off all the office pencils."
Mr. Mayor
"It was my doing. I-I'm a little on edge."
Mr. Mayor
"Arpi, there's a Salvatore for you on line one."
Mr. Mayor
"I will call him back, Véronica!"
Mr. Mayor
"This is the time of day I'd normally be scratching."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah. Hey, I get it."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, when I'm overwhelmed, I just take a Buzzfeed quiz."
Mr. Mayor
"Show me."
Mr. Mayor
"Omelet. "Despicable Me." Boxer briefs."
Mr. Mayor
"Tomato soup. A sunset. The blue dress."
Mr. Mayor
"The light-blue dress. The strapless blue dress."
Mr. Mayor
"Boxer briefs. Butter pecan. Simba."
Mr. Mayor
"Done. And your ideal roommate is..."
Mr. Mayor
"[gasps] Olivia Rodrigo! Ooh, fun."
Mr. Mayor
"This does not float my barge."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay. Well, let's just take another one quiz."
Mr. Mayor
"Which "Sex and the City" character are you?"
Mr. Mayor
"Easy. Magda."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh. - Yeah."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, this job is a killer."
Mr. Mayor
"I used to stress-eat,"
Mr. Mayor
"but I've gotten a handle on it through daily meditation."
Mr. Mayor
"I was just gonna do my app if you want to do it with me?"
Mr. Mayor
"I guess we could find a private--"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, right here."
Mr. Mayor
"Hi, I'm Coyote Dewitt."
Mr. Mayor
"Welcome to "The Mindful Minute.""
Mr. Mayor
"Let's begin, as always, by focusing on our "braadth.""
Mr. Mayor
"Breathing in, stopping to notice"
Mr. Mayor
"where the "braadth" goes in and the "braadth" goes out."
Mr. Mayor
"Why does she say "breath" so weird?"
Mr. Mayor
"That's supposed to be "breath"?"
Mr. Mayor
"I thought Braadth was some new god I was supposed to pray to."
Mr. Mayor
"3:00, everybody."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh. Oh, thank God."
Mr. Mayor
"[machinery sputtering, electricity crackling]"
Mr. Mayor
"No, no, no!"
Mr. Mayor
"[dramatic music]"
Mr. Mayor
"It's a brownout."
Mr. Mayor
"No!"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm going to the break-room fridge,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I'm gonna eat all the food before it melts!"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, yeah. That'll get you there."
Mr. Mayor
"The stakes here may be too high."
Mr. Mayor
"I bit into this thinking it was a lemon scone,"
Mr. Mayor
"and it is very much a tuna melt."
Mr. Mayor
"This always makes me feel fantastic"
Mr. Mayor
"for, like, 18 to 20 minutes"
Mr. Mayor
"and then very, very sleepy and sad."
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, Arpi, I need a quick word."
Mr. Mayor
"Are you eating Valerie's birthday cake?"
Mr. Mayor
"You know that her birthday was, like, before Thanksgiving."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, we're stress-eating, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh. First, thank you. You were right."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm much happier dating a woman my own age."
Mr. Mayor
"When did I ever say that to you?"
Mr. Mayor
"I may have imagined you yelling it at me, I guess."
Mr. Mayor
"I don't know."
Mr. Mayor
"Anyway, look, the youngsters are telling me"
Mr. Mayor
"that I can't call a certain special lady"
Mr. Mayor
"for a year."
Mr. Mayor
"Now, those aren't Boomer rules, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"Boomers don't have a year to waste."
Mr. Mayor
"Don't lump me in with your "Big Chill" generation."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm technically a Gen X preemie."
Mr. Mayor
"I think I should call her."
Mr. Mayor
"- [inhales sharply] - What? What?"
Mr. Mayor
"I never called Salvatore back."
Mr. Mayor
"Arpi, have you talked to Salvatore today?"
Mr. Mayor
"Apparently there's a problem with the cooling center."
Mr. Mayor
"This is what happens when I'm off my game!"
Mr. Mayor
"[cell phone vibrates]"
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, now."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh."
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, look-it, if Arpi calls, uh, tell her that I had to go, uh,"
Mr. Mayor
"deal with the heat at the-- you know, the place."
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, Dan. Get the car."
Mr. Mayor
"[groaning] Oh, Braadth!"
Mr. Mayor
"Why have you forsaken me?"
Mr. Mayor
"Salvatore, what the crap is this? - Okay, hear me out."
Mr. Mayor
"The cooling tent that I brought yesterday was a backup."
Mr. Mayor
"And they already booked it for today"
Mr. Mayor
"for the roof of Soho House because sometimes"
Mr. Mayor
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