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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Trampage (S02E02)

"Okay, fine. Now you know my secret shame."
Mr. Mayor
"An emotional affair with a convenience store clerk?"
Mr. Mayor
"No. It's the scratchers, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"They're my thing. These will pay for those."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, see you tomorrow, Arpi!"
Mr. Mayor
"I know they're a waste of money"
Mr. Mayor
"and a regressive tax on the poor"
Mr. Mayor
"but after a hellish morning like we just had,"
Mr. Mayor
"I need a little win..."
Mr. Mayor
"or a loss-- it doesn't even matter."
Mr. Mayor
"These keep me sane, so stop judging me."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm not judging anyone. Some people need vices to cope."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, but you don't?"
Mr. Mayor
"What can I say? Some of us are just well adjusted."
Mr. Mayor
"♪BuiltDifferent."
Mr. Mayor
"[gasps, laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"Free ticket!"
Mr. Mayor
"Are you at least being smart about this?"
Mr. Mayor
"What does that mean? Scratchers are random."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, I read this article"
Mr. Mayor
"that there are ways to game the system."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, buy in bulk, chat up store owners to see"
Mr. Mayor
"which locations are due to hit, choose new games over old."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, shoot, I'm gonna have to give those tricks a try."
Mr. Mayor
"- Ooh, is that cold? - Yeah, I just got it."
Mr. Mayor
"[laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"Coping mechanism."
Mr. Mayor
"Look, obviously, I get why they use your picture."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, it's been going on for a while."
Mr. Mayor
"I appeal to sex-positive seniors,"
Mr. Mayor
"senior-curious millennials, and meme-loving incels."
Mr. Mayor
"I just hate that my photo is being used to catfish people"
Mr. Mayor
"and that the name"
Mr. Mayor
"of my favorite fish now means something so dark."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, if you feel that strongly,"
Mr. Mayor
"maybe we could team up."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, I happen to be in town shooting a commercial"
Mr. Mayor
"for the new Depends thong."
Mr. Mayor
"I suppose I could record something later this week."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, that's fantastic."
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, I'll--I'll have"
Mr. Mayor
"my comms department get in touch with your people."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, there is just one issue."
Mr. Mayor
"How do I know that you're not a bot?"
Mr. Mayor
"Maybe send me a bunch of pictures"
Mr. Mayor
"and have me click on all the stop signs."
Mr. Mayor
"Or we could meet in person."
Mr. Mayor
"Do you eat dinner?"
Mr. Mayor
"Every night, except when I fall asleep on the couch."
Mr. Mayor
"Great, I'll see you tonight."
Mr. Mayor
"I must say, though"
Mr. Mayor
"while I'm not a robot, I am a machine..."
Mr. Mayor
"in bed."
Mr. Mayor
"Morning. [laughs]- Whoa, someone's in a good mood."
Mr. Mayor
"It's me. I had breakfast churros."
Mr. Mayor
"Why did I wait so long to date women my own age?"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, because you're rich, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"I had a fantastic night with Angelica."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, when you're with someone your own age,"
Mr. Mayor
"you connect in such a different way."
Mr. Mayor
"Like about wills and stuff?"
Mr. Mayor
"Like about our favorite books and music"
Mr. Mayor
"and how all other generations are the worst."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm telling you, I think this could be something special."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, so, just to summarize,"
Mr. Mayor
"you've been on an app for one week."
Mr. Mayor
"You got catfished using a picture of an actress,"
Mr. Mayor
"but then you just met that actress and took her out."
Mr. Mayor
"Where do you even take a commercial queen?"
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, she's already twirled through a field of daisies."
Mr. Mayor
"Actually, we never even left the hotel room."
Mr. Mayor
"- Are you gonna be a dad? - Okay."
Mr. Mayor
"Gross/congratulations, sir, but the office is not the place"
Mr. Mayor
"to discuss your one-night stand."
Mr. Mayor
"I think you mean first-night stand."
Mr. Mayor
"If this were a one-night stand,"
Mr. Mayor
"would we have been texting all morning?"
Mr. Mayor
"Ah, I don't really see a we texting here."
Mr. Mayor
"I see you triple-texting"
Mr. Mayor
"in exchange for a thumbs-up reaction?"
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, so? What's better than a thumbs-up?"
Mr. Mayor
"Right, Jayden?"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh my God, thank you, sir! [laughing]"
Mr. Mayor
"1,000 buckaroos."
Mr. Mayor
"Last night, I followed your advice,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I hit it big on scratchers."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, that's great."
Mr. Mayor
"You'd think so."
Mr. Mayor
"But around 4:00 a. m., I was still awake,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I realized the truth-- you ruined me."
Mr. Mayor
"Mm, you know, I really thought I was safe"
Mr. Mayor
"from ever having this conversation with a woman."
Mr. Mayor
"Turns out the best part of playing scratchers"
Mr. Mayor
"isn't the money."
Mr. Mayor
"It's the-- Wa-cha!--"
Mr. Mayor
"the unpredictability, and you took that away."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay."
Mr. Mayor
"I guess I'm sorry that I helped you win a bunch of money?"
Mr. Mayor
"Your apology is like the Super Bowl."
Mr. Mayor
"Just because it's happening doesn't mean I care about it."
Mr. Mayor
"What kind of sorcery is this?"
Mr. Mayor
"Why--why am I mad you gave me $1,000?"
Mr. Mayor
"[groans]"
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, Mikaela, are we coordinating"
Mr. Mayor
"with the Beverly Hills Mayor's Office"
Mr. Mayor
"about these power outages?"
Mr. Mayor
"Yes, sir. They're encouraging residents to evacuate"
Mr. Mayor
"to the nearest Mercedes S-, E-, or C-Class."
Mr. Mayor
"Anything about cell towers being down?"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm hearing a lot of talk about texts not getting through."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, please don't tell me this is what I think it is."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, just look at this, though."
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, yesterday Angelica responded right away."
Mr. Mayor
"See? Look, question mark, "Okay," "Can't talk right now,""
Mr. Mayor
""Driving" and then an emoji with no mouth."
Mr. Mayor
"But today look at that. Nothing."
Mr. Mayor
"Sir, she's ghosting you."
Mr. Mayor
"Ghosting me?"
Mr. Mayor
"Don't listen to Mikaela, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"This is standard cat-and-mouse stuff."
Mr. Mayor
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