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Clips from The Office - Health Care (S01E01)

"- Please knock, this is an office. - It says workspace."
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"- Same thing. - If it's the same thing,"
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"then why'd you write "work space"."
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"Just knock, please, as a sign of respect for your superior."
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"- You are not my superior. - Gee, then why do I have an office?"
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"- Thought it was a workspace, Dwight. - Ok, Dwight."
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"Are you really in charge of picking an healthcare plan?"
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"Yes. And my decision is final."
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"This is a ridiculously awful plan."
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"Because you cut everything."
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"- Times are tough, Pam, deal with it. - You cut more than you had to, didn't you?"
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"Sure."
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"Then why did you do that? You work here, don't you want good insurance?"
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"Don't need it, never been sick, perfect immune system."
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"Ok well if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies."
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"I don't need them, superior genes."
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"I'm a Schrute... And superior brain power."
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"Through concentration I can raise"
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"Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?"
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"So I can lower it."
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"He literally won't come out of his office."
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"He's got to come out sometime."
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"- To go to the bathroom. - Kevin, that's inappropriate!"
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"Michael can I talk to you?"
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"I would like to, but I'm really busy, rain check?"
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"Michael, Michael please"
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"Can we talk about this memo?"
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"- What? Which memo? - Dwight's healthcare memo"
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"- I told you about it. - Is it a good plan?"
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"It's a great plan! It saves the company a fortune."
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"- It's like a paid decrease. - Michael, he made huge cuts."
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"Cuts? what? Dwight did you make cuts?"
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"- Yeah you said go in the... - No no no no no. You know what?"
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"I said nothing specific because I was so busy."
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"Why don't you go in there Dwight?"
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"and find these people a plan that will work for them. Ok?"
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"- I can handle it. - Ok. All right."
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"We feel good? All right, good!"
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"Plus,"
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"There's some other good news."
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"Today at the end of the day,"
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"I will have for all of you"
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"a big surprise. Ok?"
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"So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day."
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"Right?"
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"- This is not good. - It's ridiculous."
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"Did you talk to him?"
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"What was that?"
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"You let him off all over you it's just pathetic."
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"- What are you guys talking about? - Nothing Kevin."
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"Do I know what the surprise is? Hell no!"
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"Doesn't matter, the point is, they're not unhappy anymore."
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"They're out there thinking "Wow! My boss really cares about me."
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"He has a surprise, he's cool."
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"What a great guy, I love him."
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"I love him. ""
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"Ok everyone, gatherí round."
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"Step forward."
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"It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan,"
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"so what I'd like you to do,"
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"is to fill this out and write down any diseases that you have,"
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"That you might want covered and I'll see what I can do."
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"Okay you know what Dwight? We can't write our diseases down for you,"
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"- because that's confidential. - Ok,"
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"well I didn't say to write your name down, did I?"
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"Fill that out, leave it anonymous."
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"Or don't write any disease down at all, and they won't be covered."
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"Sound fair? Good. All right, I'll be in my office."
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"Workspace."
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"You know what? Come with me."
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"We are going on a little mission."
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""Operation surprise. ""
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"Where are you going?"
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"Headed out. Part of my busy day."
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"You know, meetings."
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"Couldn't find the knock."
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"So basically, I want to do something nice for my employees."
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"Atlantic City. Ok?"
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"They have this thing where they send a bus,"
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"Right for free, picks everybody up,"
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"and head down there, get to the hotel, the room is count."
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"They give you a big pile of chips, and your food."
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"Everything just kind of a all inclusive free kind of weekend."
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"I don't know of anything like that."
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"But, you know what you might want to do is just call the casino directly,"
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"- Maybe. - Yep yep, yep."
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"I did, so."
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"Wait what are you writing?"
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"Don't write Ebola, or mad cow disease."
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"All right?"
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"Cause I'm suffering from both of them."
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"- I'm inventing new diseases. - Oh great."
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"So let's say that my teeth turn to liquid"
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"And then, they drip down the back of my throat."
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"What would you call that?"
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"I thought you said you were inventing diseases?"
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"That's spontaneous "dentohydroplosion""
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"- Nice. - Thank you."
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"Calling to ask you a little favor Rooney my friend."
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"I'm trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost"
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"And I was thinking that"
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"maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride."
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"You mean the elevator that takes you down in the mine shaft?"
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"It's not really a ride."
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"It says here that it's a..."
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"300 foot drop."
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"Well that goes 300 feet in the earth but it moves really slowly."
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"So it's not a free fall?"
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"It's a industrial coal elevator."
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"All right. Once you get down into the mine,"
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"what, you got laser tag or something?"
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"OK ok so I don't know what the surprise is, am I worried?"
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"Nooo. No way. You see I thrive on this."
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"This is my world, this is improv, this it "whose line is it anyway"."
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"Damn it! damn it! Jim!"
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"All right, who did this?"
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"I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it, so I can punish them."
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"What are you talking about?"
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""Someone", forged medical information, and that is felony."
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"Ok "wow", cause that is a pretty intense accusation."
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