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Clips from The Office - Health Care (S01E01)

"How do you know that they're fake?"
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"Uh, Leprosy?"
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"Flesh eating bacteria."
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"Hot dog fingers."
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"Government created killer nano robot infection"
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"- You did this didn't you? - Absolutely not."
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"- Yes you did. - No I didn't."
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"I know it was you. Ok fine, you know what?"
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"I'm gonna have to interview each and everyone of you"
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"Until the perpetrator makes him or herself known."
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"And until that time, there will be no healthcare coverage for anyone."
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"- Killer Nano Robots? - It's an epidemic."
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"The problem Jim, is that people who are really suffering"
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"from a medical condition, won't receive the care they need,"
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"because someone in this office has coming up with all those ridiculous stuff"
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"- "Count Choculitis. ". - Sounds tough."
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"Why did you write that down Jim?"
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"- Is it because you know I love Count Chocula? - Do you?"
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"I think you need to confess the fact."
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"- Yeah. - What are you doing?"
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"- What? - Those are my keys."
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"- Good luck. - Jim! Damn it!"
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"No! Jim let me out. Jim, let..."
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"The light green is a green."
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"- Jim Halpert. - Let me out."
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"- Who is this? - Let me out or you're fired."
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"- No, you can't fire me. - Yes I can, I'm manager for the day."
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"Clean out your desk."
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"Ok, can you hold on one second, I'm getting a bip."
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"- Jim Halpert. - Hey Jim, it's Pam."
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"Hey Pam! How are you?"
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"- Jim open the door! - Good. How are you?"
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"- I'm doing ok, - Busy?"
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"- Getting excited for the week end now. - Yeah."
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"- Yeah, what are you up to? - I'm not bothering you am I?"
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"- No not all. - You don't have anything you're doing."
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"- I have nothing to do. - Oh great."
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"Yeah no, this week end nothing I'm not really doing anything."
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"- Might go to the mall. - The mall?"
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"- I need new shoes. - How interesting, what kind of shoes?"
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"- Hello? - Hello."
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"This is Dwight Schrute calling for Jan Levinson-Gould."
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"This is Jan."
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"Hi, Dwight Schrute calling, acting manager Scranton branch,"
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"Listen I need your permission to fire Jim Halpert."
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"- Who is this? - Dwight Schrute."
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"- From sales? - Well."
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"- Where is Michael Scott? - He is not here right now."
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"He put me in charge of the office."
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"Dwight, listen to me very carefully, you are not a manager of anything."
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"- Understand? - That's not entirely true,"
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"Because he put me in charge of picking a healthcare plan."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"Ok."
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"when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately."
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"- Call you immediately, good. - Yes."
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"Listen, since I have you on the phone,"
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"- Can I fire Jim? - No."
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"Please don't use my cell phone ever again."
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"This is your cell, I thought this was your off..."
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"Hey, Everybody. Ice cream sandwiches."
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"There you go take one take one it's all good."
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"Phyllis, safe pass."
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"I see Angela right, Angela!"
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"Hey, temp, why don't you take two."
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"Because you don't get healthcare, and faster metabolism."
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"Did you get the kind with the cookies, instead of the?"
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"Why don't you just eat it? Ok."
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"Here you go Stanley the "manly"!"
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"- Thanks. - There you go."
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"This isn't the big surprise is it?"
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"Because we've been having a pretty horrible day."
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"Nope, nope."
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"This isn't the surprise."
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"It's surprising, because you didn't expect it."
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"But you'll, you'll know it when you see it."
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"Michael, Michael!"
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"I tried being rational. Ok, and what happened?"
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"The employees went crazy, I got no hope from corporate,"
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"so that leaves me with no options."
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"I'm now gonna read aloud your submitted medical conditions."
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"When you hear yours read, please raise your hand, indicate that it is real"
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"If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered."
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"- What about confidentiality? - You know what?"
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"You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults."
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"But obviously, I'm the only adult here."
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"Number one, inverted penis."
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"Could you mean vagina? Because if you do I want that covered."
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"I thought your vagina was removed during you hysterectomy."
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"A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina."
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"Ok great. "Germatitus". Thank you Angela,"
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"I'll make sure that's covered. Ok now, who wrote this, this hysterical one?"
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"- Anal fissures. - That's a real thing."
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"Yeah but no one here has it."
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"Someone has it."
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"- Do you think we should go. - I don't know, Kevin this is important."
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"I don't want futileness."
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"- What is he doing? - I don't know."
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"Well?"
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"Well, what?"
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"- You could be referring to anything. - Ok,"
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"The healthcare plan."
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"Why did you put Dwight in charge of that, he did an horrible job."
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"Dwight?"
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"- Did you raise benefits? - I most certainly did not."
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"come on! That's horrible!"
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"Thanks Dwight for a crappy plan."
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"Damn."
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"I wish I had time to change it, but..."
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"Jan needs it by five and... What time is it? What time is it?"
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"It's after five."
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"It's awful."
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"So well, ok."
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"See you guys on Monday."
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"What about the surprise?"
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"Yes exactly."
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"Thank you Angela for reminding me."
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"Terrific."
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"Before I tell everybody what the big surprise is,"
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"would you like to tell me, what you think the big surprise is?"
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