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Clips from The Distinguished Gentleman

"It's the con of a lifetime, and I know we can do this shit."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Who "we," white man?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Us! We! Us! If I get elected, I gotta have a staff."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I'm gonna get a staff allowance. It says here that new Congress..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- You get a staff allowance of $537,000. - [Armando] Ooh!"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Damn! - Senor!"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I get that kinda cash, I'm splitting it up with my homies and my homette."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"How exactly are you gonna get your butt to Congress?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Yeah, T. Why the hell would anybody vote for you?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"It's not like they're voting for me. They're voting for name recognition."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"The congressman here was Jeff Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"My middle name is Jefferson, last name is Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Cut off the Thomas, shorten the Jefferson,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Jeff John... nobody knows that their congressman is dead."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Who knows that Jeff is dead? He's a congressman. Who cares?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"If I get on the ballot as Jeff Johnson, nobody's gonna know."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Well, how you gonna get on the ballot?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"That's where you all come into play."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"My friends, I need, uh, [Chuckling]..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I need, uh, 5,625 signatures."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- [Laughing] - I knew this "we" shit had a catch."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Hey, man, you all got a better plan?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I do."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Who are these "Silver Foxes"? Old people who just like to vote?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"It's a political party. The big thing is, they got their own line on the ballot."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"They already got the signatures."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- May I help you? - Uh, good afternoon."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- We have an appointment to see Hattie Rifkin. - Right."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You wanna talk politics? Talk."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Uh, we was wonderin', who you gonna run for Congress this year?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Ah, the usual sacrificial lamb."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Probably Sylvia Roland. She just lost her husband."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"She needs to meet new people. Why?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Miss Rifkin. I'd like to run on the Silver Foxes' ticket."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I believe and care about you and your issues."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"That's what my son says, but does he call?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"What makes you think a group of alter kakers..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"is gonna support a man who hasn't clipped his first nose hair yet?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Because I can win."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"No, no. A Republican can win. A Democrat can win."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"A Silver Fox can only make a symbolic point."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Mrs. Rifkin, if you get me on the Silver Foxes' ballot line,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- And if you give me the support... - Lf, if."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"And di bubbeh volt gehat baitzim, volt zi geven a zeyde."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"But got haste oykh cane naar nit zine."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- [Chuckling] - Uh, what's all this?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Oh, she just said that if my grandmother had balls, she'd be my grandfather."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"And I told her that God never told nobody to be stupid."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Where the hell did you learn to speak Yiddish?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Yiddish Accent] I learned it from Morris Elfbein, da gin king of Miami Beach."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"He taught me that and he also taught me..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"you don't always have to have the best cards to win the hand."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Maybe not in gin, but in politics, young man, you need money to win."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You need a name to win. You need..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- I do have a name. - What, you're an athlete?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- You're not on MTV, are you? - My name is Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Jeff Johnson. The name you know."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Jeff Johnson?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Well, that's a name even our Alzheimer's group will remember."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I'm not quite sure I understand, Professor Franklin."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You did your doctoral thesis on my husband?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Yes, Mrs. Johnson. Your husband was a very great man."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"He did so much to help my people."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I remember the time he said that welfare is a drug..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"and you have to kick it like cold turkey."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"And at the time, I was on welfare and I did just that."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"It inspired me to get on with my life. Very inspirational."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Yes, well, really, I'm sure if he were alive..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I was actually in the audience one day when he looked out and he said,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
""If you people'd just get off your dead asses and go look for work,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"maybe America can be a decent place to live in again.""
The Distinguished Gentleman
"That inspired me. My God, it made me move my ass."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"And I have a poster of that on my wall,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"and I show it to all my relatives and friends and Negroes."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Really, well. It's kind of you to come all the way from... Where was it?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"The Wilson Pickett State, uh, Teachers' College, ma'am."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"But I didn't just come here to pay my respects to your husband."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I came here because, because your husband deserves an archive..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"where students can study his legacy."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- So you want his papers. - Not just his papers, ma'am."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I would like all buttons and posters and bumper stickers..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"and all the campaign paraphernalia you can spare, ma'am."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I know you may have a sentimental attachment to a lot of these things and you..."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Take 'em. - Pardon me?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Take 'em all. Do you want the wedding photos too?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Oh, I don't know if I think that's necessary. - That's lucky."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"So you won't have to go rooting around in the garbage."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Oh. Hmm. - Hmm."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You're in pretty good shape for a professor."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Do you work out?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Uh, why, yes. Do you?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Why, yes."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Hmm."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Van Dyke] Are you sure you don't wanna come to Washington with us, Homer?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"No, I got a business to run."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- Bye-bye. - [Telephone Ringing]"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Hello. Who?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"League of Women Voters. No, Mr. Johnson will not attend the debate."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"No, I'm sorry, Betty. I cannot tie up this line. Thank you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- [Ringing] - Hello?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Star-Ledger. No, we're fresh out of photographs of Mr. Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"No, you can't. He's just had surgery for a deviated septum."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Yeah, thank you."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"- [Ringing] - Hello?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Swedish Accent] Ja, this is Inga."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Thomas Using "White" Accent] Cast your vote for Jeff Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Good old Jeff, the name that you can trust."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"The name that you know. Jeff Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Chinese Accent] Why you no vote Jeff Johnson? He the name you know."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Go down vote for Jeff. Jeff Johnson, the name you know."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Homeboy Accent] Hey, you, eatin' the greens, and you on the corn bread."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Put that down and cast your vote for Jeff Johnson, the name you know."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"You know it's good. Jeff is good, just like them greens. Jeff and greens."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"When you think greens, think Jeff Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"[Yiddish Accent] In this meshugeneh world, you wanna vote for Jeff Johnson."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"I don't know why I gotta drive through here and tell you this. You should know who to vote for."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"Put a vote in for Jeff because he's a good person."
The Distinguished Gentleman
"What, are you crazy?"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"["White" Accent] We're not gonna show you Jeff Johnson waving a flag,"
The Distinguished Gentleman
"and we're not gonna show you Jeff Johnson kissing babies."
The Distinguished Gentleman
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