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Clips from Family Guy - Tales of Former Sports Glory (S19E19)

"♪ It seems today that all you see"
Family Guy
"♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ But where are those good old‐fashioned values ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ On which we used to rely? ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ All the things that make us ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Laugh and cry ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪"
Family Guy
"Quahog's own poet laureate comes to the set"
Family Guy
"and graces us with her... Oh, God, that's tonight?"
Family Guy
"Hey, Jerome, turn on the game."
Family Guy
"Sorry, guys, cable's out."
Family Guy
"We're only getting local stations."
Family Guy
"Oh, what, so now we got to talk sports to pass the time?"
Family Guy
"Or maybe watch Gilmore Girls."
Family Guy
"Just as, like, a goof."
Family Guy
"You know, if you want to talk sports,"
Family Guy
"I've got quite a story to tell."
Family Guy
"Oh! Oh! This is the one where Lorelai's mom makes"
Family Guy
"her martini with an onion instead of an olive."
Family Guy
"Boy, that's a passive‐aggressive move."
Family Guy
"If you knew her mom, you'd know that's"
Family Guy
"a passive‐aggressive move."
Family Guy
"It all started when I was a young boy..."
Family Guy
"Last chance on this Gilmore Girls thing."
Family Guy
"I was a baseball prodigy."
Family Guy
"It was back home in the Cuban league."
Family Guy
"I grew up working in the tobacco fields outside of Havana."
Family Guy
"That's where I learned to play baseball."
Family Guy
"Our mitts were made of cigars, some of them still going."
Family Guy
"All right! Ha! All right, I caught it!"
Family Guy
"At night I drove a cab."
Family Guy
"We all had to drive huge cars there."
Family Guy
"I was just a regular young man wearing pants"
Family Guy
"that went above my belly button."
Family Guy
"Pull your pants up."
Family Guy
"When I was nine, my father took me"
Family Guy
"to my first baseball game."
Family Guy
"Fidel Castro was there to throw out the first pitch."
Family Guy
"He was wearing the same outfit as always."
Family Guy
"Later we would find out he had a fashion disease"
Family Guy
"known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome."
Family Guy
"We would write more jokes about him,"
Family Guy
"but our dumb‐dumb writers only know what he looks like."
Family Guy
"Strike!"
Family Guy
"We all worshipped Che Guevara."
Family Guy
"Although none of us really knew what side he was on."
Family Guy
"Thank you?"
Family Guy
"But we knew he'd make a great poster"
Family Guy
"in college dorm rooms someday."
Family Guy
"Please rise for the Cuban National Anthem."
Family Guy
"In Cuba, we hated America so much,"
Family Guy
"we copied everything they did."
Family Guy
"And died trying to get there."
Family Guy
"Castro said there were CIA"
Family Guy
"all over our island, but I never saw any."
Family Guy
"Yeah! Ha‐ha! All right!"
Family Guy
"But from that day on, I fell in love with baseball."
Family Guy
"I dreamed of one day playing in the big leagues,"
Family Guy
"so I signed up for a montage to get better."
Family Guy
"I was at the top of my game."
Family Guy
"I didn't even need the full montage."
Family Guy
"I was even recruited to play on Cuba's national team,"
Family Guy
"the Gooding Juniors."
Family Guy
"Tonight, the Cuba Gooding Juniors"
Family Guy
"take on the Haiti Joel Osments!"
Family Guy
"We tried to play, but it was difficult"
Family Guy
"because hurricane season was February through January."
Family Guy
"Every time, a hurricane would sweep through,"
Family Guy
"decimating the island, causing hundreds"
Family Guy
"of dollars worth of damage."
Family Guy
"Aah!"
Family Guy
"Under Castro, every male over the age of 18"
Family Guy
"was required to serve two years as a band leader."
Family Guy
"♪ Babaloo‐oo‐oo ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Babaloo‐oo‐oo ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Jungo ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Oo‐oo‐oo ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Babaloo ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Ta empezando lo velorio ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Que le hacemo a babalu. ♪"
Family Guy
"I loved baseball, but yearned to play in America."
Family Guy
"I would look across the water and dream about"
Family Guy
"the great time they must be having there."
Family Guy
"I bet it's not so great."
Family Guy
"♪ If you're going my way ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ I want to drive it all night long ♪"
Family Guy
"♪ Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, yeah... ♪"
Family Guy
"Dang it! I'm at the wrong country."
Family Guy
"I knew what I had to do."
Family Guy
"It was nothing against Cuba."
Family Guy
"Cuba was nice."
Family Guy
"We had a Bay of Hotties,"
Family Guy
"but also another bay of less attractive women."
Family Guy
"I forget what they called it."
Family Guy
"However, tensions between the U. S. and Cuba were high."
Family Guy
"Castro was not happy that they had named"
Family Guy
"the most dangerously gay part of San Francisco after him."
Family Guy
"Defecting to the U. S. was punishable by prison or death."
Family Guy
"But I was determined."
Family Guy
"Then came my chance."
Family Guy
"The Cuba Gooding Juniors had"
Family Guy
"an away game in Barbados."
Family Guy
"Oy, herma we can escape to the Cayman Islands."
Family Guy
"Cayman, my ass. I'm going to America."
Family Guy
"Okay, when we land in America,"
Family Guy
"we all have to stop saying "Cooba.""
Family Guy
"The sea was choppy, and the sharks were relentless."
Family Guy
"‐"
Family Guy
"- Who is it? - Uh, not a shark?"
Family Guy
"- Don't open it! - No, it's just people."
Family Guy
"- Yeah, people. - And sharks."
Family Guy
"Shh! No sharks. Just people."
Family Guy
"After a week at sea,"
Family Guy
"we saw the glittering lights of Miami."
Family Guy
"It was beautiful."
Family Guy
"Then we decided to go to Quahog instead,"
Family Guy
"which took eight more months."
Family Guy
"Eventually, I signed a large deal"
Family Guy
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