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Clips from Weeds - All About My Mom (S05E05)

"You could get Gwyneth Paltrow's herpes or Lady Gaga's genital warts."
Weeds
"I hear everyone is dying for John Mayer's syphilis."
Weeds
"Where do you get your intel?"
Weeds
"I make it up."
Weeds
"-Hey. -Hey there."
Weeds
"Do you see--? See my laptop over there? On my desk?"
Weeds
"-Yeah. -Yeah."
Weeds
"Could you look up...?"
Weeds
"Could you just bring it to me?"
Weeds
"Just.... Just put it on the bed by this hand..."
Weeds
"...and open it for me, and go."
Weeds
"You called me up here to get your laptop..."
Weeds
"...which is 4 feet away from your bed?"
Weeds
"Go fuck yourself, princess."
Weeds
"No. Silas. Wait."
Weeds
"Hey-- Half my body's gone numb."
Weeds
"I just wanna go online and try to find out why."
Weeds
"You wanna Google why half your body is numb?"
Weeds
"-Yes. -You could be having a stroke."
Weeds
"I'm not having a stroke."
Weeds
"Okay, this has happened before."
Weeds
"Well, it was just my hand, okay?"
Weeds
"Because I hit a nerve one time I slammed into my wrist."
Weeds
"It was-- It was dumb."
Weeds
"Slammed?"
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"Injected."
Weeds
"Heroin."
Weeds
"Holy shit. You're a junkie."
Weeds
"I'm a recreational user, okay? Fuck you."
Weeds
"Is this from the stuff you were smoking?"
Weeds
"No."
Weeds
"I think it was from the stuff I took later."
Weeds
"Perfect. I'm calling your dad."
Weeds
"Don't you fucking dare. Okay? I thought you were cool."
Weeds
"You never thought I was cool."
Weeds
"That's true. Just-- Just get out of here."
Weeds
"I don't know why I called you anyway. I just...."
Weeds
"I'll be fine."
Weeds
"Sure."
Weeds
"-Good luck to you. -Wait. Silas."
Weeds
"Silas."
Weeds
"Could you maybe shoot me up just once before you go?"
Weeds
"You've got to be kidding me."
Weeds
"-Okay, ready? -I'm not sure."
Weeds
"Okay, get ready, then."
Weeds
"-Okay. -Because this is sexy."
Weeds
"-Sexy? -Yeah. Sexy."
Weeds
"Okay."
Weeds
"Sexy."
Weeds
"Sexy. You're turned on, huh?"
Weeds
"It's a flex fuel."
Weeds
"I registered it under a pseudonym so the wackos can't trace it."
Weeds
"-I unlisted our phone number. -You sold General Lee."
Weeds
"Yeah, and the slot machine..."
Weeds
"...and the air hockey and a few other things."
Weeds
"Not "Ms. Pac-Man"?"
Weeds
"No. What are you, crazy?"
Weeds
"I love you, but I've known Ms. Pac-Man longer."
Weeds
"She'll have a place in my heart."
Weeds
"So if you're threatened, then we need to talk it out."
Weeds
"-I wanna see inside. -All right. Watch this."
Weeds
"That's nice."
Weeds
"Yeah. See, it's all about the glide."
Weeds
"I'm thinking Greased Lightning or Melvin."
Weeds
"I haven't settled on a name for him yet."
Weeds
"-This is like a living room. -Yeah. Come sit in the front."
Weeds
"Okay."
Weeds
"Nice. Come on."
Weeds
"Oh, my God, there's two TV screens. That's bonkers."
Weeds
"Don't make me come back there. Come on."
Weeds
"Fine. Here I come."
Weeds
"This feels good. A little lumbar support. This is great."
Weeds
"-Digital air conditioning. -What if we got those air fresheners?"
Weeds
"-Where would we put that? -I hate those. They make me sneeze."
Weeds
"And then we'd lose our new-car smell. Wow, GPS."
Weeds
"Look at the rearview mirror."
Weeds
"What? Is there something behind us?"
Weeds
"No, there's nothing behind us. Everything's in front of us."
Weeds
"Everything is in front of us. So, just-- Oh, look."
Weeds
"You know, you shouldn't leave that there."
Weeds
"If light hits that and it gets refracted into your eyes..."
Weeds
"...it could momentarily blind you and you could crash."
Weeds
"-So maybe I should take it down. -Yeah."
Weeds
"-Just to be safe. -Yeah."
Weeds
"Wanna marry me? Just to be safe."
Weeds
"Fuck."
Weeds
"Hello?"
Weeds
"-Audra? Oh, thank God. -She can't talk right now, buddy."
Weeds
"And neither can I. It's a-- Gotta go. Bad timing."
Weeds
"No, Andy. Please."
Weeds
"I have to talk to Audra. It's an emergency."
Weeds
"You're killing me."
Weeds
"Did someone else get shot?"
Weeds
"Did you enjoy your massage? Candela's magical."
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"Yes. Magical."
Weeds
"Not as magical as Esteban."
Weeds
"He disappears, he reappears."
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"Esteban and I can never stay mad at each other for too long."
Weeds
"We've always been a great team."
Weeds
"So I'm guessing death andIor blackmail..."
Weeds
"...andIor imprisonment..."
Weeds
"...is the glue that holds you together."
Weeds
"We have come to an understanding."
Weeds
"I'm so happy for you both."
Weeds
"I thought you were bad for him."
Weeds
"The pollsters have told me otherwise."
Weeds
"You know, I can admit when I've made a mistake."
Weeds
"He will win, even married to you."
Weeds
"But it would still be best if you stayed in the background."
Weeds
"Oh, don't mind me. Can you leave my house now?"
Weeds
"Nancy."
Weeds
"It's okay."
Weeds
"I should go to prepare for the party tonight."
Weeds
"Big party at my house, Nancy."
Weeds
"Fundraiser for the campaign. You should come. For 30 minutes."
Weeds
"Then, you will get a headache and leave."
Weeds
"I promise to deliver him back before dawn."
Weeds
"So...."
Weeds
"You had some day yesterday."
Weeds
"Yes."
Weeds
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