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Clips from Cheers - Affairs of the Heart (S02E02)

I'M TOO DESIRABLE.

"I'M TOO DESIRABLE."

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I'M A VERMIN MAGNET.

"I'M A VERMIN MAGNET."

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COME ON, CARLA. THIS GUY'S NOT LIKE THAT.

"COME ON, CARLA. THIS GUY'S NOT LIKE THAT."

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HE'S ATTRACTIVE, CHARMING,

"HE'S ATTRACTIVE, CHARMING,"

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INTELLIGENT, WELL-DRESSED,

"INTELLIGENT, WELL-DRESSED,"

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AND OPPOSITES ATTRACT, SO GO FOR HIM.

"AND OPPOSITES ATTRACT, SO GO FOR HIM."

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YEAH, CARLA. HE'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT THE SOX.

"YEAH, CARLA. HE'S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT THE SOX."

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HE PROBABLY KNOWS YAZ PERSONALLY.

"HE PROBABLY KNOWS YAZ PERSONALLY."

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YAZ.

"YAZ."

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YAZ.

"YAZ."

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YEAH?

"YEAH?"

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OK. I'LL TALK TO HIM.

"OK. I'LL TALK TO HIM."

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OH, GOODY.

"OH, GOODY."

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JUST LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT

"JUST LONG ENOUGH TO FIND OUT"

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WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS LOSER.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS LOSER."

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I LIKE A PERSON WITH AN OPEN MIND. HUH?

"I LIKE A PERSON WITH AN OPEN MIND. HUH?"

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YOU HANK?

"YOU HANK?"

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YEAH. HOW DO YOU DO?

"YEAH. HOW DO YOU DO?"

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SHUT UP AND ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS.

"SHUT UP AND ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS."

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FIRST OF ALL, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM ALL OF A SUDDEN?

"FIRST OF ALL, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM ALL OF A SUDDEN?"

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I NEVER SAW YOU IN HERE BEFORE.

"I NEVER SAW YOU IN HERE BEFORE."

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I DON'T REALLY GET OUT THAT MUCH.

"I DON'T REALLY GET OUT THAT MUCH."

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HE'S MARRIED.

"HE'S MARRIED."

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NO. NO. CARLA. I'M SINGLE.

"NO. NO. CARLA. I'M SINGLE."

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YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED?

"YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED?"

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NO.

"NO."

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GAY AS A GOOSE.

"GAY AS A GOOSE."

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NO. NO.

"NO. NO."

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CARLA.

"CARLA."

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WHAT?

"WHAT?"

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I LIKE WOMEN.

"I LIKE WOMEN."

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SOME WOMEN VERY MUCH.

"SOME WOMEN VERY MUCH."

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HOOKER BAIT!

"HOOKER BAIT!"

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CARLA...

"CARLA..."

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I DON'T MIND BEING PUT THROUGH MY PACES.

"I DON'T MIND BEING PUT THROUGH MY PACES."

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IN FACT, UH, I'M ALWAYS ONE TO ENJOY A GOOD GAME.

"IN FACT, UH, I'M ALWAYS ONE TO ENJOY A GOOD GAME."

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I HOPE THIS ONE GETS BETTER.

"I HOPE THIS ONE GETS BETTER."

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YEAH. YEAH. THIS PROVES NOTHING.

"YEAH. YEAH. THIS PROVES NOTHING."

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HE'S GREAT, AND IT'S KILLING YOU.

"HE'S GREAT, AND IT'S KILLING YOU."

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I ADMIT HE'S TOUGH,

"I ADMIT HE'S TOUGH,"

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BUT I'LL CRACK HIM.

"BUT I'LL CRACK HIM."

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COME ON. WE'RE GOING FOR A CUP OF COFFEE ON YOU.

"COME ON. WE'RE GOING FOR A CUP OF COFFEE ON YOU."

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FINE.

"FINE."

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SAM, I'M TAKING A BREAK.

"SAM, I'M TAKING A BREAK."

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YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD?

"YOU GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD?"

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NO.

"NO."

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ANY MENTAL ILLNESS IN THE FAMILY?

"ANY MENTAL ILLNESS IN THE FAMILY?"

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ARTIFICIAL BODY PARTS?

"ARTIFICIAL BODY PARTS?"

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NO.

"NO."

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OKAY. OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

"OKAY. OPEN YOUR MOUTH."

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SO WHO'S THE GREATEST MATCHMAKER IN THE WORLD?

"SO WHO'S THE GREATEST MATCHMAKER IN THE WORLD?"

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YEAH, YEAH.

"YEAH, YEAH."

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COME ON. SAY IT, SAM.

"COME ON. SAY IT, SAM."

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I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT.

"I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT."

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WELL, COME ON, SAM. YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT

"WELL, COME ON, SAM. YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT"

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CARLA AND HANK HAVE BEEN AN ITEM EVER SINCE THEY WENT OUT TO DINNER.

"CARLA AND HANK HAVE BEEN AN ITEM EVER SINCE THEY WENT OUT TO DINNER."

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OH, I HATE TO SEE THAT.

"OH, I HATE TO SEE THAT."

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YOU THINK CARLA'S MAKING A MISTAKE THERE, NORM?

"YOU THINK CARLA'S MAKING A MISTAKE THERE, NORM?"

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NO. I JUST HAD MY LAST BEER OF THE 20th CENTURY.

"NO. I JUST HAD MY LAST BEER OF THE 20th CENTURY."

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HI, EVERYBODY.

"HI, EVERYBODY."

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HEY! HEY!

"HEY! HEY!"

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WE JUST CAME FROM THE GAME.

"WE JUST CAME FROM THE GAME."

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WE KILLED THE OILERS, 28-3.

"WE KILLED THE OILERS, 28-3."

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WHOA!

"WHOA!"

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AND HANK HAS THE GREATEST SEASON SEATS.

"AND HANK HAS THE GREATEST SEASON SEATS."

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YEAH. SPITTING DISTANCE FROM THE VISITORS' BENCH.

"YEAH. SPITTING DISTANCE FROM THE VISITORS' BENCH."

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LISTEN, HANK. THANKS A LOT.

"LISTEN, HANK. THANKS A LOT."

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I HAD A GREAT TIME.

"I HAD A GREAT TIME."

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YEAH, I HAD A GREAT TIME, TOO, CARLA.

"YEAH, I HAD A GREAT TIME, TOO, CARLA."

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YOU WANT TO MEET LATER FOR A LIGHT SUPPER?

"YOU WANT TO MEET LATER FOR A LIGHT SUPPER?"

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I'M SORRY. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU BEFORE.

"I'M SORRY. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU BEFORE."

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WE'RE THROUGH. BEAT IT.

"WE'RE THROUGH. BEAT IT."

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CARLA.

"CARLA."

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WHAT DID YOU FIND WRONG WITH HIM?

"WHAT DID YOU FIND WRONG WITH HIM?"

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NOTHING.

"NOTHING."

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WELL, THEN--

"WELL, THEN--"

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LOOK, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

"LOOK, I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT."

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I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

"I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE."

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SAM, WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM YOUR OFFICE?

"SAM, WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM YOUR OFFICE?"

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NOTHING.

"NOTHING."

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I'LL GO SEE IF YOU HAVE ANY.

"I'LL GO SEE IF YOU HAVE ANY."

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WHAT HAPPENED?

"WHAT HAPPENED?"

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I DON'T KNOW.

"I DON'T KNOW."

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WE WERE GETTING ALONG SO GREAT.

"WE WERE GETTING ALONG SO GREAT."

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HANK, SIT DOWN.

"HANK, SIT DOWN."

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COACH, POUR HIM A BEER.

"COACH, POUR HIM A BEER."

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I'M GOING TO GO SEE IF CARLA NEEDS HELP

"I'M GOING TO GO SEE IF CARLA NEEDS HELP"

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FINDING THAT NOTHING.

"FINDING THAT NOTHING."

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HEY, HANK.

"HEY, HANK."

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YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M REALLY KIND OF DEPRESSED,

"YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M REALLY KIND OF DEPRESSED,"

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I USUALLY LIKE TO BUY A BEER

"I USUALLY LIKE TO BUY A BEER"

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FOR A FRIEND WHO'S A LITTLE BEHIND ON HIS BEER BUDGET.

"FOR A FRIEND WHO'S A LITTLE BEHIND ON HIS BEER BUDGET."

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WELL, I'M NOT REALLY FEELING ALL THAT DEPRESSED.

"WELL, I'M NOT REALLY FEELING ALL THAT DEPRESSED."

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YOU'RE NOT?

"YOU'RE NOT?"

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I MEAN, YOU FALL REALLY HARD FOR THIS GIRL.

"I MEAN, YOU FALL REALLY HARD FOR THIS GIRL."

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YOU THINK YOU GOT HER WHERE YOU WANT HER.

"YOU THINK YOU GOT HER WHERE YOU WANT HER."

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THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, BANG! SHE CUTS YOU OFF AT THE KNEECAPS IN FRONT OF A ROOM FULL--

"THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, BANG! SHE CUTS YOU OFF AT THE KNEECAPS IN FRONT OF A ROOM FULL--"

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SET HIM UP.

"SET HIM UP."

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THANK YOU. THIS'LL HELP... THIS IS GOING TO HELP.

"THANK YOU. THIS'LL HELP... THIS IS GOING TO HELP."

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I WANT TO BE ALONE, SAM.

"I WANT TO BE ALONE, SAM."

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I'LL ONLY BE A SECOND.

"I'LL ONLY BE A SECOND."

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I'VE GOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO DO IN THERE.

"I'VE GOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO DO IN THERE."

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I HAVE TO FIX THE...IMMEDIATELY.

"I HAVE TO FIX THE...IMMEDIATELY."

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OK. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

"OK. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT."

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WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, SAM?

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, SAM?"

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I JUST WANTED TO COME IN AND SEE IF YOU WANTED TO TALK. THAT'S ALL.

"I JUST WANTED TO COME IN AND SEE IF YOU WANTED TO TALK. THAT'S ALL."

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I DON'T.

"I DON'T."

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OK.

"OK."

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LOOK, SAM.

"LOOK, SAM."

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THIS GUY IS PERFECT IN EVERY OTHER WAY.

"THIS GUY IS PERFECT IN EVERY OTHER WAY."

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THE ONLY THING LEFT IS THAT HE MUST BE LOUSY IN BED.

"THE ONLY THING LEFT IS THAT HE MUST BE LOUSY IN BED."

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WHO NEEDS IT?

"WHO NEEDS IT?"

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YOU KNOW, FROM OVER HERE

"YOU KNOW, FROM OVER HERE"

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IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID TO GO WITH THIS.

"IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID TO GO WITH THIS."

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BEING VULNERABLE.

"BEING VULNERABLE."

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VULNERABLE?

"VULNERABLE?"

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IT'S JUST A WORD I PICKED UP SOMEWHERE.

"IT'S JUST A WORD I PICKED UP SOMEWHERE."

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THE ONLY THING I'M SCARED OF IS THAT IF I GO TO BED WITH HIM,

"THE ONLY THING I'M SCARED OF IS THAT IF I GO TO BED WITH HIM,"

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HE'S GOING TO BE SO CRAZED WITH DESIRE, I'LL NEVER GET RID OF HIM.

"HE'S GOING TO BE SO CRAZED WITH DESIRE, I'LL NEVER GET RID OF HIM."

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AAH, CARLA. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF

"AAH, CARLA. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF"

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