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Clips from Veep - Special Relationship (S03E03)

"I found this thing called the Internet Archive..."
Veep
"So you Googled it."
Veep
"I Googled Internet Archive, yes,"
Veep
"and I found it there. On the Internet Archive."
Veep
"I found screen grabs of his old blog, right?"
Veep
"What Ray said was, and I quote,"
Veep
"Obesity is a punishment"
Veep
"for sins committed in a previous life."
Veep
"Fat people have to learn self-discipline"
Veep
"until they are rid of the demon that lives within them."
Veep
"- Oh, hello. - Yeah."
Veep
"What do you have to say about that?"
Veep
"Daniwah!"
Veep
"- Excuse me one second. Ben. - Peter."
Veep
"- Great service. - Yes, it was very moving."
Veep
"I thought the vice president's speech"
Veep
"was quite excellent."
Veep
"You don't happen to know her whereabouts, do you?"
Veep
"She's on the phone. State Department."
Veep
"Right."
Veep
"I saw the German chancellor"
Veep
"just now heading toward the Lady Chapel."
Veep
"Yeah. He was going in there to pray privately."
Veep
"I overheard him speaking to one of his aides."
Veep
"Oh, you overheard. You speak German?"
Veep
"Yes... ja, as they say in Germany."
Veep
"My German's a little bit rusty, I must admit."
Veep
"Oh, God. So is mine."
Veep
"Ich muss wieder zur schule gehen."
Veep
"Absolutely."
Veep
"Good times."
Veep
"- At school? - What?"
Veep
"I said, I should go back to school."
Veep
"Yes. Well, the thing about German"
Veep
"is once it's with you, it stays with you."
Veep
"It's like riding ein bike."
Veep
"Is the vice president in the Lady Chapel with the German chancellor?"
Veep
"No, I told you before, she's on the phone."
Veep
"Mm-hmm. Okay."
Veep
"Okay, because is that not quite clearly her hat?"
Veep
"Mm. No, I don't think it is."
Veep
"- No, that's not her hat. - I think it is her hat."
Veep
"It's definitely her hat."
Veep
"I'll tell you how I know,"
Veep
"because I remember when I first saw it,"
Veep
"thinking to myself, What a hideous hat."
Veep
"It is like she stuck her head in a swan"
Veep
"and it's exploded."
Veep
"Tsk. I don't believe it is, sir."
Veep
"Well, du lugst."
Veep
"Hilarious."
Veep
"- Mm. It means you're lying. - I know."
Veep
"Okay. Okay, so we're all perfectly comfortable"
Veep
"standing here pretending that we can't quite clearly see"
Veep
"the vice president in the Lady Chapel"
Veep
"with the German chancellor"
Veep
"finalizing a deal about the TSO?"
Veep
"I wouldn't say comfortable."
Veep
"Maybe that's her hat? - I'll see you at the press conference."
Veep
"Okay, so unelected loony"
Veep
"has the ear and minge of the vice president."
Veep
"He says that fat people... no, fat kids..."
Veep
"fat kiddies have sinned in a past life."
Veep
"Yeah. You know how upsetting that's gonna be to fat people?"
Veep
"All of America is fat people."
Veep
"That's all we have. All of our children weigh 300 fucking pounds."
Veep
"We've got fat kids too. I've got a fat kid."
Veep
"Well, I can see her... I mean, that's, uh..."
Veep
"she's, um... right. We'll ambush the vice president."
Veep
"We'll get photos of her being surrounded"
Veep
"by fat kids dressed as devils."
Veep
"- Seriously? - Yeah."
Veep
"Oh, my God. You guys are fucking brutal."
Veep
"This calls for a celebration."
Veep
"Come on, I'll give you the first pint, at least."
Veep
"_"
Veep
"and, of course, those volunteers"
Veep
"who tend the war cemetery graves."
Veep
"Let's take some questions."
Veep
"Nick Hadley, Daily Express."
Veep
"- Okay. - Madam Vice President,"
Veep
"can you comment on the breaking story"
Veep
"about your personal trainer, Ray Whelans?"
Veep
"- Uh... - Or would you like to comment?"
Veep
"Well, I-I don't know"
Veep
"what story it is you're referring to. I'm so sorry..."
Veep
"He wrote an essay saying,"
Veep
"Obese children are possessed by the devil"
Veep
"as a punishment for past sins."
Veep
"- Uh, wow. Goodness. I... - Way to go, Dan."
Veep
"- Way to go, Ray. - Yeah, just throw the blame around."
Veep
"Not at me, though. It's not my fault."
Veep
"Your source? I don't know anything about it."
Veep
"- The essay's online, here. - Is it? Okay."
Veep
"That is a thoroughly bizarre story."
Veep
"It's called cosmic balance."
Veep
"Not anything the Buddha didn't talk about."
Veep
"Yeah, well, Buddha's got a big fat ass, Ray."
Veep
"I believe in karma."
Veep
"- Does that make me weird? - Yes!"
Veep
"It just has quotes leaping out. Here's one."
Veep
"Body fat stores all that is bad in us."
Veep
"Too much, and the host is enveloped in sin."
Veep
"Wow."
Veep
"Guys, I wrote a treatise a couple of years ago."
Veep
"- I write a lot of treatii. - Treatises, Ray. The normal plural."
Veep
"- Hello? - Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for the lead,"
Veep
"- me olde Pearly Queen. - My pleasure."
Veep
"Another...?"
Veep
"Two more. Two pints, please."
Veep
"I was wondering if you were available this evening"
Veep
"by chance you would like to join me for some dinner."
Veep
"I've found a very charming gastropub."
Veep
"Uh, that sounds lovely. Brilliant."
Veep
"Text the details to my cell... mobile."
Veep
"So this idea that fat is fate,"
Veep
"that's nonsense, is it?"
Veep
"I am certain that the Deputy Prime Minister"
Veep
"would like to move on now"
Veep
"to the matters at hand."
Veep
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