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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Murder in the Old West (S02E02)

"Well, I just got ambushed about how much the I-Team is costing us."
Mr. Mayor
"Your I-Team experiment has run its course, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"James, on to your next consulting project--"
Mr. Mayor
"figuring out how few cashews you can put in a trail mix"
Mr. Mayor
"before customers get upset."
Mr. Mayor
"The answer is nine, but I do actually have some good news."
Mr. Mayor
"Is it about "Manifest" going to Netflix?"
Mr. Mayor
"My guys have been going through the budget,"
Mr. Mayor
"trimming the fat, eliminating obsolete programs."
Mr. Mayor
"Are you aware of how much the city still spends"
Mr. Mayor
"on telegram wire maintenance?"
Mr. Mayor
"I've heard that telegrams are making a comeback."
Mr. Mayor
"The kids call it "TG-ing" and they have made it filthy."
Mr. Mayor
"Point being, we've been able to build up a little slush fund"
Mr. Mayor
"for you that'll more than cover our fee."
Mr. Mayor
"Really? How much, like $5, 6 million?"
Mr. Mayor
"Closer to $90 million."
Mr. Mayor
"Hachi-machi!"
Mr. Mayor
"[bright music]"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"$90 million!"
Mr. Mayor
"You could buy a house for that much money."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, this is an opportunity for us"
Mr. Mayor
"to do something historic."
Mr. Mayor
"Something Lin-Manuel Miranda will write a musical about it."
Mr. Mayor
"- Wait, Where are we? - I don't know."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm so excited, I just started walking."
Mr. Mayor
"This is indeed a rare opportunity, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"I've been in City Hall for three decades"
Mr. Mayor
"and the last time we had a budget surplus"
Mr. Mayor
"was that year we just straight up forgot to pay teachers."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, yeah."
Mr. Mayor
"And I'm guessing you already know how we should spend it."
Mr. Mayor
"Not the diarrhea thing. Come on."
Mr. Mayor
"It's an issue that touches all of us."
Mr. Mayor
"I know you remember last Halloween"
Mr. Mayor
"when Jayden brought in those sugar-free gummy bears."
Mr. Mayor
"Out of my way. Out of my way."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm the mayor! Out of my way."
Mr. Mayor
"Don't you have a private bathroom?"
Mr. Mayor
"It's gone, Mikaela."
Mr. Mayor
"What do you mean it's gone?"
Mr. Mayor
"All right, boil that down to a three-page memo"
Mr. Mayor
"and I'll look it over, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"You know how I keep an eye on what Jayden looks at online?"
Mr. Mayor
"In case he's planning to kill all of us?"
Mr. Mayor
"Right. Well, he's been searching"
Mr. Mayor
"nothing but murder mysteries."
Mr. Mayor
"So he is either going to kill us or even worse,"
Mr. Mayor
"he's going to invite us to a murder mystery party."
Mr. Mayor
"- Hey, guys. - [shudders]"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm having a murder mystery party at my apartment tonight."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, I-- - Oh, I--"
Mr. Mayor
"My therapist thinks that I need to start planning"
Mr. Mayor
"for a partnerless future"
Mr. Mayor
"and building a social life unrelated to dating."
Mr. Mayor
"My therapist also thinks that I need to invite people"
Mr. Mayor
"the day of so that they don't have time"
Mr. Mayor
"to make up an excuse because I'm too trusting."
Mr. Mayor
"- We'd love to come. - Can't wait, buddy."
Mr. Mayor
"- Can I come too? - Oh."
Mr. Mayor
"I bought two beers the week we met"
Mr. Mayor
"just hoping this day would come."
Mr. Mayor
"- Murder mystery, huh? - Yeah, it's Western-themed"
Mr. Mayor
"so the omelets will be made accordingly."
Mr. Mayor
"You know, I just started seeing a woman, Adriana."
Mr. Mayor
"Gorgeous. And we're really hitting it off,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I'm trying to break old habits."
Mr. Mayor
"Take things slow."
Mr. Mayor
"And your party is the least sexual thing"
Mr. Mayor
"happening in Los Angeles tonight."
Mr. Mayor
"- So you're coming? - Yeah."
Mr. Mayor
"With your gal pal?"
Mr. Mayor
"I know just what characters you guys will play."
Mr. Mayor
"Adriana can play the town doctor."
Mr. Mayor
"You will play the Civil War veteran."
Mr. Mayor
"[Southern accent] And I'll play your wife."
Mr. Mayor
"No, Adriana and I are the couple, obviously."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, okay."
Mr. Mayor
"If the mayor is going, I'm going."
Mr. Mayor
"We got $90 million to spend"
Mr. Mayor
"and after-hour schmoozing"
Mr. Mayor
"is always where the real sausage gets made."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, we won't be making any sausage tonight."
Mr. Mayor
"The guy I get my meat from was arrested by the FDA."
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, Luis, we're having a murder mystery party"
Mr. Mayor
"at my apartment tonight."
Mr. Mayor
"My therapist thinks it-- - Ow!"
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, my--uh, my side. I have to go."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, no."
Mr. Mayor
"Good luck with your side, Luis."
Mr. Mayor
"Tommy, that was weird, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"I feel like I could say anything"
Mr. Mayor
"because this is monologue energy."
Mr. Mayor
"Exactly."
Mr. Mayor
"I said I'd go to Jayden's thing"
Mr. Mayor
"and then James just invites himself."
Mr. Mayor
"I mean the last time that we even spoke was me asking him out"
Mr. Mayor
"to which he said, "I can't"."
Mr. Mayor
"But now he's, like, following me"
Mr. Mayor
"to the worst party in Los Angeles."
Mr. Mayor
"Maybe he's a sadness fetishist."
Mr. Mayor
"I wonder if I have time to go home and change."
Mr. Mayor
"Hey, Luis, can you cover my call today"
Mr. Mayor
"with the franchise tax board?"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh no, my leg."
Mr. Mayor
"It has become bad."
Mr. Mayor
"Ah. [groaning]"
Mr. Mayor
"[scoffs]"
Mr. Mayor
"[dramatic western music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Howdy, folks."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm Camarillo Jones, and I'm a man of few words."
Mr. Mayor
"But I do have to get through the rest of these intros"
Mr. Mayor
"and tell y'all don't open the closet."
Mr. Mayor
"There's a bat in there"
Mr. Mayor
"and he is not part of the game."
Mr. Mayor
"Yee-haw!"
Mr. Mayor
"That's Sally Slattern."
Mr. Mayor
"She keeps bar and she'll keep you warm at night"
Mr. Mayor
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