Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Archer - Archer: 1999 -- Road Trip (S10E10)

"-[alarm blaring] -Mayday, mayday."
Archer
"This is Sterling Archer of the MVSeamus,"
Archer
"and we are going down."
Archer
"Repeat, we are going down."
Archer
"Transmitting our location now."
Archer
"And, on a personal note, whoever gets this,"
Archer
"please know my only regret is..."
Archer
"The hair, obviously."
Archer
"-Shut up. -Oh, come on. -Shut up, man."
Archer
"...I wasn't able to save my valiant crew."
Archer
"My dear friends, Cyril,"
Archer
"Pam, Krieger,"
Archer
"Ray, Crystal..."
Archer
"Oh, my God! Totally forgot about the Crystal thing."
Archer
"...I love you all dearly."
Archer
"Truly the best friends a guy could have."
Archer
"-Aw. -Oh, my God, give me..."
Archer
"OTHERS: Shut up!"
Archer
"But, most of all,"
Archer
"I'll miss my wife, Lana."
Archer
"You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me."
Archer
"I wrote you this poem I want to read."
Archer
"It's called "I'll Never Stop...""
Archer
""Totally Embarrassing Yourself"?"
Archer
"-Come on! -Oh, God!"
Archer
"You realize, theoretically, that was you, right?"
Archer
"How? He's nothing like me."
Archer
"Got a point. He did seem entirely non-self-absorbed."
Archer
"Exactly. Wait, what?"
Archer
"And weirdly not a dick."
Archer
"You're weirdly not a dick."
Archer
"-Makes no sense. -Yeah."
Archer
"That other Archer was refreshingly friendly."
Archer
"Yeah, like what you think matters, Cyril."
Archer
"And we're back."
Archer
"And is it just me, or was that shaved head thing"
Archer
"-super working? -Totally."
Archer
"-Ka-sploosh! -I was into it."
Archer
"Just sit thereand be into the non-hair-having,"
Archer
"clearly castrated version of me"
Archer
"while I go find a fuel cell to get us all out of here, which,"
Archer
"P.S., is pretty much the opposite of self-absorbed!"
Archer
"So, how's the bubbly thing going?"
Archer
"Still sporting that nine?"
Archer
"[timidly]: No."
Archer
"[creature snarling]"
Archer
"[footsteps stomping]"
Archer
""Are you making any of the following claims"
Archer
"for emotional distress?""
Archer
"Yes, yes, yes."
Archer
"Well, these are all yes."
Archer
"[screaming]"
Archer
"[all shouting]"
Archer
"[ship creaking]"
Archer
"[thud]"
Archer
"Shit, I'm heavy."
Archer
"[creature snarls]"
Archer
"[all screaming]"
Archer
"ARCHER: Incoming!"
Archer
"[thud]"
Archer
"[roaring]"
Archer
"[muffled]: So, I officially quit."
Archer
"And speaking of good news,"
Archer
"I assume finding this crammed up my ass qualified?"
Archer
"Is that a fuel cell? Oh, thank God."
Archer
"Shut up, Cyril. You still don't matter."
Archer
"[Cheryl laughs]"
Archer
"It's funny 'cause it's true."
Archer
"KRIEGER: Okay, got some good news and bad news."
Archer
"[snarls]"
Archer
"Bad news is, that thing's not going anywhere."
Archer
"And the good news?"
Archer
"Mm. I swear I had something for this."
Archer
"-Krieger. -Krieger! -Great."
Archer
"Making us pretty much screwed."
Archer
"-Easily a six. -Shut it."
Archer
"And let the culling begin!"
Archer
"Okay."
Archer
"[thud]"
Archer
"Maybe instead of culling each other,"
Archer
"we should come up with an actual plan."
Archer
"Like, obviously, someone needs to go out there"
Archer
"and distract that thing while everyone else gets away."
Archer
"And I vote Pam."
Archer
"What? Screw you, dick nuts."
Archer
"-What? -Why me?"
Archer
"Because look at you, Pam."
Archer
"That thing's not gonna want to eat... that."
Archer
"Well, you either!"
Archer
"'Cause who'd want to eat a complete dick?"
Archer
"Just gonna softball it in like that?"
Archer
"Sorry I didn't invent appetizing, Pam."
Archer
"Yeah, well, I'm sorry we ended up"
Archer
"with the complete asshole version of you."
Archer
"Oh, what? You'd rather have touchy-feely bald guy?"
Archer
"-Yep, yep, yep. -100%. -No contest."
Archer
"Fine. Know what?"
Archer
"[grunts] You want him?"
Archer
"[grunts]"
Archer
"Then come and get him!"
Archer
"Boom! Wordplay!"
Archer
"-[snarling] -Now run, idiots!"
Archer
"♪"
Archer
"[leaves rustling]"
Archer
"LANA: So, was it weird?"
Archer
"Probably."
Archer
"Wait, what are we talking about?"
Archer
"You know, watching your alterego get eaten by a giant lizard."
Archer
"Please, if that guy was really my alter ego, Lana,"
Archer
"he would have been something really cool,"
Archer
"like a secret agent or a private detective"
Archer
"-or a... -[rustling]"
Archer
"♪"
Archer
"Oh, my God!"
Archer
"You guys are alive!"
Archer
"Archer!"
Archer
"Oh, God. Get it off."
Archer
"And your hair!"
Archer
"-Right? -It's glorious!"
Archer
"Aw. Wait a minute."
Archer
Show more clips