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Clips from Teenage Bounty Hunters - Cleave or Whatever (S01E01)

"She's a singer? I thought she owned a goat farm."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Exactly."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Did you know she was coming? -[Bowser] Yeah."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Are you gonna get back together with her?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"No! Not that it's any business of yours."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Nice plants, by the way."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-I give it a day and a half. -Till they're banging?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Yeah. -No. Nope."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Why? -She needs Bowser to fund that album."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"That is not how it is."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-She was touching you a lot. -Mm-hm."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"How do you know how it is?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"You haven't talked to her in..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Oh."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Mm. She liked that Instagram post of yours."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[gasps] The picture I took?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Yes. -Aww."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And what? She sent you a message?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Well, I saw that she liked it and I sent her one. Okay?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'm allowed to keep in touch with my ex-wife, you know."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"See, this is textbook Michelle."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"She sees an opening and she sweeps in"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"with whatever new project she's got going on."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"A yoga studio on a boat,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"a marathon across Antarctica, oh,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
""Oh, I know, let's clone ourselves.""
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And then she sweeps away just as easily"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"and Bowser here is left holding the bill"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"or his own genetic matter, depending on the year."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"On, off, off, on."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I figured it'd end after the divorce,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"but old habits die hard, I guess."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Huh. So, you're, like, addicted to her."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And she uses him like an old rag."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Well if he's the addict, then he uses her."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"But she's using him clearly,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"so he can't be the addict. He's the drug."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And she's the addict?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Well, she's addicted to him being addicted to her."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-So they're both addicts then? -It's called codependence."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'm not addicted!"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Jesus, somebody shoot me."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Do you have a skip or not?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Thank you."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"How hard was that?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"His name's Gary Durbin."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Gary skipped bail three weeks ago. He's currently MIA."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-What was he booked for? -Dealing amphetamines."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-His old lady drives a 18-wheeler, hm? -Mm-hm."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Travels with her sometimes."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Probably hiding out in the back of her semi right now."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"You call the truck company?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Get her route? -Not yet."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[sighs]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'll do it."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"You sure? Because I can call Pedro,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Rory, or Perry D-- -Yolanda."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I said I got it, hm?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Here, take this."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Track her credit card statements like I taught you."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"See if you can find out if she's sticking to her route."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Okay."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I’m out sixty grand here, Bowser."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Yolanda? Trust me."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Maybe Mom's dealing amphetamines."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"What are amphetamines?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Drugs that can go on land and water."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Oh."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Oh, I have to be honest, y'all,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I was running around so much today doing my errands,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I had to go get a pre-made casserole."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"So, y'all be honest. [chuckles]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Well, it tastes a little mealy,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"and there's something in there I can't quite put my finger on,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"but beige would be the flavor I'd give it."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Oh, well, maybe a little too honest."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[chuckles]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"So, girls, are you all packed up"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"and ready for your big hunting trip with Uncle Deacon and Big Daddy?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Why do you ask?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Are you planning something?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'm not sure, maybe mimosas, a little foot mask?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Ooh, interesting."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Where do you store those?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Um, I actually have to stay behind."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-What? Why? -Well, that's a shame, Sterl."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I've got this big project for Bible class"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"and it's going to take all weekend."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And we need to use your tools, too, Dad,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-if that's okay. -That's okay."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-We? -Yeah, they partnered me up with April."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[groans] It's awful. I hate it."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"You can't bail. We have to wring Dad for information."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Since when? -Since I realized just now"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"that this man cannot lie."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[scoffs] Did you hear what he said about the casserole?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"If he knows anything about Mom and the gun,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"he will crack in five seconds flat."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Let Mom be. It's okay to have a secret."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-We don't have secrets. -No, but we could if we wanted to, right?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Right. Wait. No."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I don't like secrets."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Secrets imply boundaries. Do you have a secret?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"No, it was a hypothetical."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And Dad isn't that bad of a liar. He can keep things in."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"By the way, Daddy, what did you get up to this afternoon?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Well, I was lacquering up my wooden ducks in the garage and..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"next thing I knew was high as a kite on fumes."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[sniffs] I woke up on my hammock, holding a bowl of pimento cheese."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I do not know how I got there."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[chuckles]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Sterl, I'm disappointed you're not going to be joining us,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"but school work does come first."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Yes, sir."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I hope this doesn't mean that you're bailing on your old Dad, too, Blair."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Even if you're doing your peaceful protest,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'd still like a little daddy-daughter time."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"No way. I'm totally, totally psyched."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'm gonna, you know...."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"shoot a bunch of innocent animals."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
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