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Clips from Teenage Bounty Hunters - Cleave or Whatever (S01E01)

"Mom isn't a criminal mastermind, okay? She hates crime."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Remember when she made you return that MoonPie"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"that you stole from Piggly Wiggly"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"when we were driving to Seaside in the fourth grade?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"It was a Goo Goo Cluster from Harris Teeter"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"when we were driving back from Seaside in the third grade."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"You're saying you won't even consider the possibility"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"that she's lying to us at least?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Fine. If you make this bullseye, dead center,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"then I will consider the possibility"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"that Mom is leading some dangerous double life."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Really? -Really."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[distant man chattering]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[gasps]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-I got him in the nuts! -Doesn't count."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I totally got him in the nuts."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-It doesn't count. -That totally counts."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"We didn't say nothing about nuts."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Well, it's a bullseye of some sort."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-[theme music] -Bullseye."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[vocalizing]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[Blair] I've landed on a theory."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"She's a part of the Dixie Mafia."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"While we're at school, she drives to Biloxi, Mississippi"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"and then on the weekends,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"she serves up premium hardcore drugs to the Atlanta upper-crust"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"through tennis matches, book club, church..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Come on, don't you think it's even a little bit suspicious?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"What? Mom having a gun?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"No. Want to know why?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Because we're holding guns right now, Blair."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"We're gun owners."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Dad is a gun owner."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Mom says, that guns are a product of the Fall."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[grunts] There's no reason for her to have a gun or a pile of cash,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"just like there's no reason for her to have a storage unit."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Maybe that's where she put our Madame Alexander dolls."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And the gun?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"To protect the dolls."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[cell phone dings]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[cell phone bleeps]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"You need to take this seriously."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Blair, you are like a dog with a bone, okay?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"It's either sex, sex, sex"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"or some implausible theory about Mom and her criminal second life."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Okay, you're doing it again. You're stirring things up."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"No, I'm not."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Stop minimizing my experiences."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Sorry."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Hey."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'm sorry again that you didn't"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"get to put the "O" in your column at the debate tournament."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I really thought that one of those guys was going to get you there."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Yeah, that's okay. Uh..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'm sure I'll have an orgasm one day."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I'll sit on a bicycle seat or something. It's fine."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Of course, you will."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"It just takes some women a lot of time to figure it out."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"You just have to find out what makes you tick."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Inside your vagina."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[gasps]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[gasps ecstatically]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Mm-hm."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Uh, can we talk about something else, like, um..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Mom and the gun?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-[gasps] Really? -Yeah."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Okay, so this is what I'm thinking."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"We can go to the storage unit, but it's locked."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-So we've gotta crack the lock and-- -Anyway..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Anyway, uh..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Hey, Dad. -Hello!"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"How are you enjoying this season of The Masked Singer?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I've been meaning to ask you."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Oh, my goodness, that show does not miss. [chuckles]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I never would have thought that cricket was Roberta Flack."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Hey, um, have you seen April?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"No. She went AWOL since the debate tournament."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Your ex is looking bereft."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Hi, Luke. How's, um... everything?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Great."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Amazing."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Mm. -Um, I'm taking time for myself."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"That's really good. I'm really glad to hear that."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And I have my music,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"and my bandmates take turns reminding me to eat..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"which rocks."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Luke! Come sit by me."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[school bell rings]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Hi!"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[sighs]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"How's your morning been?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Those announcements were so loud, my ears were like..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Yeah. [clears throat]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Hey. -Hey."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Um, I don't know what you're doing,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"but I would keep my fingers out of that mousetrap."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Oh."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"She's best to be avoided when she's in a biting mood."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"She bit you?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"What? No."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"What's going on with her?"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"She's... um..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"struggling to keep it all together, but it's personal, so..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Yeah, it's her dad.  His trial started today."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-It's personal! -Right."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"And her dad's a person, Ezequiel."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"That must be really hard for her."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Yeah, but we have to look out for ourselves."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"In an autocracy, when the despot is down,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"it's every person for herself."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"-Zirself. -Zirself."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[Ellen] Okay, guys and gals."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Now listen, I don't want anyone to revolt"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"'cause I know you're all excited for your long weekend,"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"but I have an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny little assignment."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"I did it myself back in the day"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"and I had so much fun. Oh!"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Okay, it is time for..."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"Biblical Buildings."
Teenage Bounty Hunters
"[all groaning]"
Teenage Bounty Hunters
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