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Clips from Arrested Development - Pilot (S01E01)

"could be a magic show."
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"-A magic show?! Oh, that’s perfect, G.O.B. -Thank you."
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"Wait a minute. I just remembered something. Dad’s retiring, not turning six."
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"Hey, come on! I just bought this new illusion called the Aztec Tomb."
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"-It cost like 18 grand! I’m gonna do it on the boat. -Come on G.O.B. I don’t care."
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"-What do you care? Can’t you just charge the party to the company? -No. It’s not a business expense."
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"-So what? Lindsay’s been staying at the Four Seasons for a month. She’s probably charging the company."
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"Lindsay’s been in town for a month?"
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"I don’t think so."
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"Michael was upset to hear this..."
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"so he went to discuss it with his mother."
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"Mom! Mother! Give me your company checkbook. You’re cut off."
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"Michael, look. Look what happened to my fox."
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"Someone cut off his little foot."
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"-Is it- Is it noticeable? -Well..."
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"You’ve gotta remember You’re gonna be all splattered in red paint. That’s gonna distract the eye."
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"Listen, I don’t want you charging any more of your personal expenses to the company. Okay?"
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"Well, I had to pay for the Aztec Tomb. G.O.B. says it’s a career-maker."
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"Wait. The company paid for the Aztec Tomb? That’s great. That’s great."
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"Well, listen. I was talking about Lindsay, okay?"
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"You put her in a five-star hotel, on top of which you didn’t tell me she was in town."
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"If you’re saying I play favorites, you’re wrong. I love all my children equally."
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"-I don’t care for G.O.B."
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"Good grief! I dipped into the kitty a couple of times. You should be focused on tonight."
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"Dad’s making a big announcement."
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"Yeah? I knew it. It’s about me, isn’t it?"
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"I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again."
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"-Michael! -Tobias."
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"How are you?"
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"Good, good. How’s your job search comin’?"
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"-It’s good. It’s going to be good. -Yeah? Great."
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"I’m hoping the universe provides a path for me."
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"Tobias recently lost his medical license..."
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"for administering C.P.R. to a person who, as it turned out..."
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"was not having a heart attack."
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"Maybe you’ll be inspired by the boat party tonight, start a career as a pirate."
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"I haven’t packed for that."
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"-Couldn’t find a thing... -Lindsay!"
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"-Michael! -How was your flight?"
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"-Great. Great. We just got in. -He knows."
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"A month ago. Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve been meaning to call you. I really have."
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"-Really? -It’s just... I’ve been... Well, I need to decompress."
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"-I’ve been very busy. -It’s been crazy."
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"We just had an amazing fund-raiser for HOOP."
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"-HOOP? -My anti-circumcision movement."
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"I think it looks frightening when it’s cut off."
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"It’s a Doberman. Let it have its ears."
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"-Hmm. -Believe it or not... we brought in over 40 thousand dollars. It’s a Doberman. Let it have its ears."
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"-Hmm. -Believe it or not... we brought in over 40 thousand dollars."
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"Unbelievable. Sounds like you saved enough skin to make 10 new boys."
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"Well, most of that money was from the Bluth Company. I mean, how..."
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"are you?"
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"Still good. You know what?"
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"You guys have had your hands in the company coffer for years."
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"But starting tomorrow, there is going to be a new boss in town..."
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"... and you’re all gonna have to start fending for yourselves."
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"You’re all gonna finally feel that sweet sting of sweat in your eyes..."
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"... as... Buster!"
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"You can’t do that on the balcony, buddy?"
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"Mom says it’s too windy."
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"Who could’ve done this?"
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"While Michael was getting fed up with his family..."
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"George Michael was finally getting to know them."
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"Um, yeah. I bought a frozen banana..."
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"and when I bit into it, I found this."
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"-Looks like a foot. -It tasted like a foot."
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"Which I didn’t really mind, but I’m pretty sure I said no nuts."
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"Hey, you’re my cousin, aren’t you?"
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"-Maybe."
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"This is George Michael’s cousin, Maeby."
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"Maeby had always found unique ways to rebel."
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"Maeby, this is a cute tattoo for you."
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"Mom, I want to enter beauty pageants."
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"-I can’t believe you didn’t recognize me. -We never see you."
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"-We never see anybody in our family. -I know. It’s our parents’ faults."
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"We should teach them a lesson."
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"Yeah."
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"-No. I don’t think so. -You know what we should do?"
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"I should go to my mom tonight... and be like, “I met the cutest guy.”"
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"And then she’ll see you and me totally making out."
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"But— But not really, right?"
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"It’s perfect. She’d freak out..."
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"and I’d be like, “If we saw each other more often, this wouldn’t happen.”"
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"-But we’re cousins. -That’s what makes it funny."
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"-But isn’t it against the law? -I don’t think so."
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"I know for certain that the yacht club would have a problem with it."
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"Come on, George Michael."
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"Tobias, now believing the boat party to be pirate-themed—"
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"-You look like a pirate! -began searching through his wife’s luggage for an outfit."
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"I should say so! Look at the blouse, sir!"
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"Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates..."
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"Tobias boarded a van full ofhomosexuals."
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"Soon he was unwittingly part of a protest against the local yacht club."
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"Oh, my God! I have the exact same blouse."
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"I like it better on him."
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"I don’t understand why you work every weekend. Aren’t you, like, my age?"
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"Well, it’s important to be responsible. I think there aren’t enough young people out there today who have a real work ethic."
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"What do you mean?"
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"I don’t know."
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"And George Sr. finally made his retirement speech."
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"I guess it’s time for me to, uh, mosey on. And although I won’t be saddling up and going in every day... there’s someone else who’s going to."
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"I give you the new C.E.O. for the Bluth Company. Certainly the smartest Bluth. My favorite Bluth."
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"And the, uh, sexiest creature... I have ever laid eyes on."
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"My lovely wife, Lucille."
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"Mom!"
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"Sorry. It’s not the right time."
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"I’m not gonna lie to you, Michael. This is great news for HOOP."
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"Hey."
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"-You okay? -Yeah. You know what? I’m great. You and I, we’ve waited long enough."
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"It’s time to move on. Okay?"
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"I want you to say your good-byes. It’s the start of a whole new life for us. All right?"
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"I guess we’re gonna see you guys even less now."
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"I told you. We should’ve taught them a lesson."
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"I want a picture of the new C.E.O. with all her kids."
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"Let’s see some smiles, people. It’s a— It’s a party, not a shareholders’ meeting."
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"Are those police boats?"
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"No, I’m serious. I think they are police boats."
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"Prepare to be boarded.Prepare to be boarded."
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"I knew it was against the law."
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"That’s the Securities and Exchange Commission."
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