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Clips from Bob's Burgers - Crystal Mess (S12E12)

"We're gonna go to class,"
Bob's Burgers
"get some bathroom passes,"
Bob's Burgers
"and break into Tammy's locker."
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"And then what? Oh. Right. Get the crystal."
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"Glad you came back for a second lunch, Teddy."
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"Because now you get to try the quick pickles."
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"They should be ready."
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"Oh, what a surprise."
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"Bob is trying to foist his ugly vegetables on people."
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"I'm ignoring that, because they're pickles now."
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"They're reborn."
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"They're pretty pickle butterflies."
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"(sniffs) And I won't smell like this forever, right?"
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"‐Right? ‐Pickled carrot, anyone?"
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"‐Ah, no thanks. ‐I'll try it."
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"Mmm. You can't even taste how mangled it looked."
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"Pickled cauliflower?"
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"I think that's a strawberry."
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"Oh, my God, I think that is a strawberry."
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"‐Teddy? ‐Eh... Nah, I'm gonna pass."
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"You know what, Teddy? These pickles aren't for you."
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"They're for people who don't want to waste food"
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"and want to make the world a better place."
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"That strawberry doesn't want to make the world a better place."
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"It's frowning. It looks mean."
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"(as strawberry): I'm not mean, Teddy,"
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"I'm a nice strawberry."
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"Ah! Stop it!"
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"Sorry I'm late."
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"I got my bathroom pass"
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"and then I actually had to go to the bathroom."
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"How's it going here?"
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"I mean, I don't feel totally great"
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"about lying to get out of class."
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"And if we don't get the crystal,"
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"I'm probably gonna have a super sweaty, phlegmy meltdown"
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"in front of the whole school."
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"And Mr. Frond's gonna hate me."
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"‐But other than that, fine. ‐Great!"
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"Ugh! Everything at this school is lousy"
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"except for these weirdly amazing,"
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"‐hard‐to‐break‐into lockers. ‐(school bell ringing)"
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"This is embarrassing‐‐ Ooh! I got it!"
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"‐Yes! ‐(gasps)"
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"‐Ah! ‐Ah!"
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"You guys are stealing the crystal from me!"
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"You stole it from me!"
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"What does that have to do with anything?"
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"‐(grunting) ‐Let go!"
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"(grunting)"
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"‐Oh, no! ‐Oh! ‐Oh, my God."
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"Uh... You know what, Tina?"
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"Uh, you can have it."
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"See you at the assembly."
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"Ugh, damn it, Tammy!"
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"(pants) The crystal! It's dead!"
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"(panting)"
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"Unless it's one of those crystals"
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"that crawls back together?"
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"‐Nope. ‐Tina, there you are."
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"Please tell me you found the..."
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"‐(screams) ‐I'm so sorry."
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"(whimpering)"
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"I hear they're doing great things"
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"with glue these days. (laughs nervously)"
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"(whispers): Let's go."
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"(playing kazoos)"
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"TAMMY: There's Mary Queen of Skorts."
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"Should I wave? Hey!"
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"Okay, she didn't wave back or look in my direction,"
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"but I think she saw me and was like, "Who's that girl?""
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"Hey, Tina, you okay? 'Cause you seem kind of nervous."
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"And you're perspiring‐‐ a lot."
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"(chuckles) What?"
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"Don't worry, we'll be all right."
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"You got the crystal."
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"Um, yeah, so... actually, I don't."
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"Because Tammy stole it"
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"and then we got in a fight and broke it."
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"Ugh! Get over it, Tina."
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"That was like ten minutes ago."
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"Hold up. You don't have the crystal, Tina?"
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"‐No. ‐Oh, boy."
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"Now I'm sweatin'. Right across my little, tiny mustache."
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"It's there."
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"Thank you, fifth grade, for that somber rendition"
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"of Matchbox Twenty's "How Far We've Come.""
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"Kazoos have never sounded so haunting."
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"So... Wagstaff."
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"75 years, huh?"
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"What a rich, wonderful past this school has had."
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"But, eventually, everything is broken."
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"And dreams die."
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"‐He's taking it well. ‐Mm‐hmm."
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"That's it for this jar."
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"‐Served all the pickles. ‐Great."
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"So we'll just keep doing our part, being good people"
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"and getting a box of ugly produce every week."
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"‐I love it. ‐Yeah... yeah."
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"What? What's with the face?"
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"You look like someone peed in your pickle jar."
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"It's just... I mean, all of this was so much work."
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"And everything smells."
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"‐Including you. ‐No!"
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"It's true, Lin. You do. You both do."
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"Should we... never do this again?"
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"LINDA and TEDDY: Oh, thank God"
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"I was only doing this"
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"because I thought you really wanted to."
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"I did."
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"‐But now I really, really don't. ‐Yeah."
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"At least we saved all these sweet ugly babies"
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"from going to the dumpster."
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"We're gonna get into heaven now, right?"
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"‐Yeah. ‐I want to go to heaven,"
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"but not like that."
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"Not like that."
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"And we all die alone."
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"And now, I'd like to bring up eighth graders Tina and Zeke"
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"to give their report entitled"
Bob's Burgers
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