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Clips from Bob's Burgers - Crystal Mess (S12E12)

Yeah, and I got a huge discount on all this, too.

"Yeah, and I got a huge discount on all this, too."

Bob's Burgers

Look at this carrot. It's got legs.

"Look at this carrot. It's got legs."

Bob's Burgers

We could put a little pair of pants on it.

"We could put a little pair of pants on it."

Bob's Burgers

And this tomato's all lumpy.

"And this tomato's all lumpy."

Bob's Burgers

Wait a minute, all this stuff in here is weird‐looking.

"Wait a minute, all this stuff in here is weird‐looking."

Bob's Burgers

Yeah, that's why it was so cheap.

"Yeah, that's why it was so cheap."

Bob's Burgers

Also, it's all about to go rotten.

"Also, it's all about to go rotten."

Bob's Burgers

Uh... yum.

"Uh... yum."

Bob's Burgers

People get so judgmental about how food looks.

"People get so judgmental about how food looks."

Bob's Burgers

I mean, ugly, soft, discolored food is food, too.

"I mean, ugly, soft, discolored food is food, too."

Bob's Burgers

No, it's not. Sorry.

"No, it's not. Sorry."

Bob's Burgers

I'm proud of you, Bobby. You saved all this food.

"I'm proud of you, Bobby. You saved all this food."

Bob's Burgers

Yeah. I mean, nobody at the farmers market

"Yeah. I mean, nobody at the farmers market"

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said the word "hero,"

"said the word "hero,""

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but I think they were thinking it.

"but I think they were thinking it."

Bob's Burgers

Hey, Linda, can you turn the tomato that way?

"Hey, Linda, can you turn the tomato that way?"

Bob's Burgers

So it's not looking right at me

"So it's not looking right at me"

Bob's Burgers

with its weird tomato eyes?

"with its weird tomato eyes?"

Bob's Burgers

Okay, but the other side's worse.

"Okay, but the other side's worse."

Bob's Burgers

‐Ah! ‐And here comes Mr. Carrot.

"‐Ah! ‐And here comes Mr. Carrot."

Bob's Burgers

(as carrot): I'm coming to say hi to you, Teddy.

"(as carrot): I'm coming to say hi to you, Teddy."

Bob's Burgers

I don't like it! I don't like it!

"I don't like it! I don't like it!"

Bob's Burgers

...and in the '90s,

"...and in the '90s,"

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popular people at Wagstaff wore baby doll dresses

"popular people at Wagstaff wore baby doll dresses"

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like Wynona Ryder did in Reality Bites,

"like Wynona Ryder did in Reality Bites,"

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which is my dad's favorite movie

"which is my dad's favorite movie"

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and also the password for his laptop.

"and also the password for his laptop."

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And these are lace‐up jeans from the 2000s.

"And these are lace‐up jeans from the 2000s."

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It's like your pants are shoes.

"It's like your pants are shoes."

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And these are our clothes.

"And these are our clothes."

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Because we're great. So, yeah, the end.

"Because we're great. So, yeah, the end."

Bob's Burgers

Thank you, Tammy and Jocelyn.

"Thank you, Tammy and Jocelyn."

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That was... an example of what happens

"That was... an example of what happens"

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when I don't vet your report topics.

"when I don't vet your report topics."

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Okay! Tina, Zeke, let's hear your report

"Okay! Tina, Zeke, let's hear your report"

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on Wagstaff's Amazing Alumni.

"on Wagstaff's Amazing Alumni."

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(quietly): You ready?

"(quietly): You ready?"

Bob's Burgers

(exhaling deeply)

"(exhaling deeply)"

Bob's Burgers

Okay, let me know when you're, uh,

"Okay, let me know when you're, uh,"

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at the end of that deep breath and we'll start.

"at the end of that deep breath and we'll start."

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(stops exhaling) Ready.

"(stops exhaling) Ready."

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Hey, Tina, when you look back

"Hey, Tina, when you look back"

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at 75 years of Wagstaff, what do you see?

"at 75 years of Wagstaff, what do you see?"

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What do I see?

"What do I see?"

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I Spy Amazing Alumni!

"I Spy Amazing Alumni!"

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‐(quietly): Nice. ‐Thanks.

"‐(quietly): Nice. ‐Thanks."

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Hey, you know what, Zeke?

"Hey, you know what, Zeke?"

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Let's talk about those amazing alumni.

"Let's talk about those amazing alumni."

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Alumn‐I'd love to!

"Alumn‐I'd love to!"

Bob's Burgers

(quietly): We're killing it.

"(quietly): We're killing it."

Bob's Burgers

Tina, you knocked it out of the park.

"Tina, you knocked it out of the park."

Bob's Burgers

Yeah, you didn't get all sweaty like you usually do.

"Yeah, you didn't get all sweaty like you usually do."

Bob's Burgers

It's true. The report went pretty smoothly.

"It's true. The report went pretty smoothly."

Bob's Burgers

And this thing only stabbed me once.

"And this thing only stabbed me once."

Bob's Burgers

‐Whoa. ‐Is that a diamond?

"‐Whoa. ‐Is that a diamond?"

Bob's Burgers

Did you steal that from a scepter?

"Did you steal that from a scepter?"

Bob's Burgers

Oh. No, it's a crystal.

"Oh. No, it's a crystal."

Bob's Burgers

Mr. Frond let me borrow it

"Mr. Frond let me borrow it"

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'cause I was nervous about our report.

"'cause I was nervous about our report."

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The woman he's dating gave it to him.

"The woman he's dating gave it to him."

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She said it brings good energy.

"She said it brings good energy."

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‐Good energy like a protein bar? ‐Mm, no.

"‐Good energy like a protein bar? ‐Mm, no."

Bob's Burgers

Tina, Zeke, I'm supposed to select

"Tina, Zeke, I'm supposed to select"

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some of the oral reports to be given again tomorrow

"some of the oral reports to be given again tomorrow"

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at the Wagstaff Anniversary assembly

"at the Wagstaff Anniversary assembly"

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and I'm choosing you guys.

"and I'm choosing you guys."

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‐Oh, my God! ‐Do what? ‐Yep.

"‐Oh, my God! ‐Do what? ‐Yep."

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And Tammy, Jocelyn,

"And Tammy, Jocelyn,"

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since you two were the only other people

"since you two were the only other people"

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who didn't just read from

"who didn't just read from"

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the school website's "about us" section,

"the school website's "about us" section,"

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you will also be presenting your report at the assembly.

"you will also be presenting your report at the assembly."

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BOTH: Wow.

"BOTH: Wow."

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I mean, yay!

"I mean, yay!"

Bob's Burgers

What do you say, Tina?

"What do you say, Tina?"

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You up for doing this again tomorrow?

"You up for doing this again tomorrow?"

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CRYSTAL: You can do it if I'm with you, Tina.

"CRYSTAL: You can do it if I'm with you, Tina."

Bob's Burgers

Also, it might feel cool

"Also, it might feel cool"

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if you press me to your face right now.

"if you press me to your face right now."

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Or do it later, maybe. People might not get it.

"Or do it later, maybe. People might not get it."

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Here's an oral report, Zeke‐‐ Let's do it!

"Here's an oral report, Zeke‐‐ Let's do it!"

Bob's Burgers

That's not really a report, but yeah!

"That's not really a report, but yeah!"

Bob's Burgers

Tina, I'm so proud of you!

"Tina, I'm so proud of you!"

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My little lordy lordy, look who's doing her report‐y

"My little lordy lordy, look who's doing her report‐y"

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in front of the whole school!

"in front of the whole school!"

Bob's Burgers

Yeah, you went from scaredy‐cat to She's All That.

"Yeah, you went from scaredy‐cat to She's All That."

Bob's Burgers

So, Tina, you think a crystal made you do well on your report?

"So, Tina, you think a crystal made you do well on your report?"

Bob's Burgers

I mean, I don't know if I like your tone.

"I mean, I don't know if I like your tone."

Bob's Burgers

But yes. Maybe. I'm not sure.

"But yes. Maybe. I'm not sure."

Bob's Burgers

I'm just saying, it could be that you practiced a lot.

"I'm just saying, it could be that you practiced a lot."

Bob's Burgers

Like, over and over.

"Like, over and over."

Bob's Burgers

Like, a few times, I thought you were talking to me,

"Like, a few times, I thought you were talking to me,"

Bob's Burgers

'cause you were staring right at me

"'cause you were staring right at me"

Bob's Burgers

and I said "What, Tina?"

"and I said "What, Tina?""

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And you just kept talking about alumni.

"And you just kept talking about alumni."

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Look. All I can say is before I got this crystal,

"Look. All I can say is before I got this crystal,"

Bob's Burgers

I was the cooler, and then yesterday I wasn't.

"I was the cooler, and then yesterday I wasn't."

Bob's Burgers

I was the... furnace.

"I was the... furnace."

Bob's Burgers

‐The Her‐nace. ‐Uh, Mom,

"‐The Her‐nace. ‐Uh, Mom,"

Bob's Burgers

is this dinner?

"is this dinner?"

Bob's Burgers

It's, like, all vegetables

"It's, like, all vegetables"

Bob's Burgers

and I don't have enough places to hide them.

"and I don't have enough places to hide them."

Bob's Burgers

Well, your dad bought a giant box of weird produce

"Well, your dad bought a giant box of weird produce"

Bob's Burgers

for the restaurant and there's no way

"for the restaurant and there's no way"

Bob's Burgers

we're gonna be able to use it all down there,

"we're gonna be able to use it all down there,"

Bob's Burgers

so I brought some up here.

"so I brought some up here."

Bob's Burgers

And this is our life now.

"And this is our life now."

Bob's Burgers

I smell a reality show.

"I smell a reality show."

Bob's Burgers

Hey, you kids want to take these apples to school?

"Hey, you kids want to take these apples to school?"

Bob's Burgers

Give 'em to your teachers?

"Give 'em to your teachers?"

Bob's Burgers

Are you sure that's an apple?

"Are you sure that's an apple?"

Bob's Burgers

It's fine. It's natural.

"It's fine. It's natural."

Bob's Burgers

That's how apples look sometimes.

"That's how apples look sometimes."

Bob's Burgers

It kinda looks like Dad's butt.

"It kinda looks like Dad's butt."

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‐But not as red. ‐Oh, yeah. It does.

"‐But not as red. ‐Oh, yeah. It does."

Bob's Burgers

BOB: Mm.

"BOB: Mm."

Bob's Burgers

Hey, Mr. Frond. So...

"Hey, Mr. Frond. So..."

Bob's Burgers

‐about this crystal you loaned me... ‐Uh‐huh...

"‐about this crystal you loaned me... ‐Uh‐huh..."

Bob's Burgers

Um, is it okay if I keep it for the assembly today?

"Um, is it okay if I keep it for the assembly today?"

Bob's Burgers

Uh, yeah, sure.

"Uh, yeah, sure."

Bob's Burgers

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