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Clips from The Goldbergs - Stefan King (S04E04)

"The man seemed to write a new book every week,"
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"and I devoured them all."
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"But my favorite, Misery,"
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"a story about a woman who kept a writer captive"
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"till he wrote her the story of her dreams."
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"Schmoop-a-loop."
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"Don't forget we're going underpants shopping tomorrow."
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"I remember you saying that."
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"I don't remember agreeing to it."
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"I suppose you're too old for Underoos now?"
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"Yes! I'm in a high school!"
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"God, this is a nightmare I can't escape from."
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"(SIGHS) Guess I'll have to put these in my scrapbook now."
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"ADULT ADAM: Stephen King made me want to write horror stories, too."
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"I just hadn't found anything horrific to write about."
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"Let me see."
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"What is scary?"
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"Kissy monster attack!"
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"ADULT ADAM: And if my writer's block weren't bad enough,"
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"I had this to deal with, too."
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"Whoo! That was good for me."
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"Okay, meatloaf burgers in 20. (CHUCKLES)"
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"Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom!"
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"Oh! (LAUGHS)"
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"ADULT ADAM: Wait. That was it."
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"I already lived in my own Stephen King horror tale,"
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"and I was gonna write about the scariest monster of them all..."
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"Kissy monster returns!"
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"ADULT ADAM: ... my horrifying smother."
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"Feeds on chubby cheeks!"
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"I'm twisted up inside"
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"But nonetheless I feel the need to say"
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"I don't know the future"
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"But the past keeps getting clearer every day"
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"ADULT ADAM: It was October 29th, 1980-something,"
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"and, unfortunately for Erica,"
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"the Halloween dance was fast approaching."
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"Me and Evy came up with the perfect couple's costume."
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"I'm gonna be Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors."
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"And I'll be Audrey II, the man-eating plant."
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"- Fits. - Excuse me, now?"
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"I hope it fits, the costume."
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"And who exactly are you taking to the dance, Erica?"
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"I've got someone lined up. It..."
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"Lainey's hot cousin Nate."
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"What? Nate didn't tell me you were going..."
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"Yeah, he doesn't tell you everything."
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"Oh. Yeah."
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"He did say you're in a very serious relationship."
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"It's not that serious."
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"I mean, we could break up any time, so I can date other people."
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"Totally. 'Cause you have trouble committing?"
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"Nope. I'm very open to that."
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"Just with the right person, which it's not right now."
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"Point is, I have a date. Okay. Bye."
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"ADULT ADAM: Yep, my sister had resorted to making up a date,"
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"and no one was more pleased than my brother."
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"Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!"
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"How the mighty have fallen."
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"Okay, I can't deal with whatever this is, so get out."
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"This is me rejoicing in your social failures."
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"I know you have no date this Halloween,"
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"most romantic of all holidays."
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"Okay, I get it. You're here to bust balls,"
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"but please, I need you to cut me some slack."
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"Did you ever cut me slack during the last 16 years?"
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"Before I had Lainey, you tortured me for being the world's biggest loser."
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"Come on. I wasn't that bad."
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"You made a puppet out of a tube sock"
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"and told everyone it was my girlfriend."
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"(CHUCKLES) Soxanne."
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"You wrote an op-ed in the school paper"
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"about what a loser I was."
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"I changed your name! No one knew that Gary Boldberg was you."
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"You spread a rumor about me dating the lunch lady!"
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"Doris is just a friend!"
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"Okay, fine! I've done a few evil things."
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"But that doesn't mean I deserve comeuppance. Please!"
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"Oh, no!"
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"I've been waiting my whole life for this moment"
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"to come in here and call you the sad sack."
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"Oh, my God. You're right."
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"I'm you. I'm the Barry."
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""I'm the Barry"? What the hell does that mean?"
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"You know, the mopey loser, the Barry!"
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"Okay, that is not what being the Barry means."
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"I don't want to be the Barry, but that's exactly what I am!"
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"This is my moment of triumph!"
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"Don't feel sorry for yourself for being me!"
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"But I really do feel like a hopeless Barry,"
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"while you're happily living your life like anything but a Barry."
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"Okay, I am happy, but I'm not the Barry. (SLURPS)"
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"I mean, I am the Barry, but in a good way! God! Just shut up!"
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"ADULT ADAM: As Barry wasn't getting his revenge,"
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"I was about to find out that my mom had read my horror story"
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"based solely on her."
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"- Hey. - Don't "hey" me, mister."
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"I found your little story."
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"Oh. Okay."
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"Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead"
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"or big-haired and blond is purely coincidental."
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"I just don't understand how you could do this."
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"Why would you hide something so amazing from your mother?"
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"You actually liked it?"
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"Liked it?"
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"This is as good, if not better, than Stefan King himself."
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"Stephen King. And you've read his stuff?"
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"Not a word. But I'll tell you something."
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"He'd better look out for Adam F. Goldberg."
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"Love the middle initial, very author-ly."
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"It's only there 'cause there's another Adam Goldberg in school."
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"He's in 11th grade and has a beard."
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"Ooh. What if we send this story to Mr. King?"
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"Maybe he could get it published."
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"I would love that, but it's just a first draft."
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"If he's gonna read it, it has to be perfect."
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"You keep working on it, and we'll keep it under wraps until then."
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"Great news, everyone."
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"I've picked the new book for book club."
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"Ooh. Who's it by?"
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