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Clips from Cheers - Homicidal Ham (S02E02)

Diane: CHEERS IS FILMED BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

"Diane: CHEERS IS FILMED BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE."

Cheers

HIYA, SAM.

"HIYA, SAM."

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HEY, CARLA.

"HEY, CARLA."

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DID YOU JUST GET PREGNANT IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES?

"DID YOU JUST GET PREGNANT IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES?"

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I COULD, BUT THIS IS JUST STUFFING.

"I COULD, BUT THIS IS JUST STUFFING."

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WHY?

"WHY?"

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WELL, BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE SHORT, AND MY RENT IS DUE.

"WELL, BECAUSE I'M A LITTLE SHORT, AND MY RENT IS DUE."

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AND I FOUND OUT THEY GIVE BETTER TIPS TO PREGNANT WOMEN.

"AND I FOUND OUT THEY GIVE BETTER TIPS TO PREGNANT WOMEN."

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THAT'S ABSOLUTELY DISHONEST, SAM.

"THAT'S ABSOLUTELY DISHONEST, SAM."

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I MEAN, YOU SHOULD TELL HER TO GET RID OF IT.

"I MEAN, YOU SHOULD TELL HER TO GET RID OF IT."

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I CAN'T DO THAT, COACH. SHE'S CATHOLIC.

"I CAN'T DO THAT, COACH. SHE'S CATHOLIC."

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OH, YEAH.

"OH, YEAH."

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HEY, WOULD YOU WATCH IT? I'M IN A FAMILY WAY HERE.

"HEY, WOULD YOU WATCH IT? I'M IN A FAMILY WAY HERE."

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KID'S GOING TO BE A SWIMMER.

"KID'S GOING TO BE A SWIMMER."

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* MAKING THE WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY *

"* MAKING THE WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY *"

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* TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT *

"* TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT *"

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* TAKING A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES *

"* TAKING A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES *"

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* SURE WOULD HELP A LOT *

"* SURE WOULD HELP A LOT *"

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* WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GET AWAY *

"* WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GET AWAY *"

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* SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO GO *

"* SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO GO *"

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* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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* AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME *

"* AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME *"

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* YOU WANT TO BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE *

"* YOU WANT TO BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE *"

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* OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME *

"* OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME *"

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* YOU WANT TO BE *

"* YOU WANT TO BE *"

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* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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* YOU WANT TO GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW *

"* YOU WANT TO GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW *"

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* PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME *

"* PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME *"

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* YOU WANT TO GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* YOU WANT TO GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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AH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.

"AH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT."

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SOME IDIOT CARVED HIS INITIALS ON MY BAR.

"SOME IDIOT CARVED HIS INITIALS ON MY BAR."

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IT'S HIS INITIALS AND HIS GIRLFRIEND'S.

"IT'S HIS INITIALS AND HIS GIRLFRIEND'S."

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IT'S SWEET.

"IT'S SWEET."

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NO, IT'S NOT SWEET. IT'S DESTRUCTIVE.

"NO, IT'S NOT SWEET. IT'S DESTRUCTIVE."

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I MEAN, WHO DID--

"I MEAN, WHO DID--"

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WHO DID THAT?

"WHO DID THAT?"

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"S.M. PLUS D.C."

""S.M. PLUS D.C.""

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DIANE...

"DIANE..."

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I THINK IT'S ROMANTIC.

"I THINK IT'S ROMANTIC."

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NO, IT'S NOT ROMANTIC.

"NO, IT'S NOT ROMANTIC."

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IT'S STUPID.

"IT'S STUPID."

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IF YOU WANT ROMANTIC,

"IF YOU WANT ROMANTIC,"

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WE COULD HAVE OUR BUNS TATTOOED.

"WE COULD HAVE OUR BUNS TATTOOED."

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WORTH A SHOT.

"WORTH A SHOT."

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I'M JUST GOING TO RUN A TAB FOR YOU.

"I'M JUST GOING TO RUN A TAB FOR YOU."

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BOO.

"BOO."

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UH-HUH? AAH!

"UH-HUH? AAH!"

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EXCUSE ME.

"EXCUSE ME."

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OH, SAM?

"OH, SAM?"

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MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?

"MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE?"

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MM-HMM.

"MM-HMM."

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HMM? HMM.

"HMM? HMM."

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DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE THAT MAN?

"DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE THAT MAN?"

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THE EX-CONVICT YOU PAID TO DATE ME,

"THE EX-CONVICT YOU PAID TO DATE ME,"

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WHO MURDERED A WAITRESS

"WHO MURDERED A WAITRESS"

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AND FANTASIZES HIS HANDS ARE CLAWS.

"AND FANTASIZES HIS HANDS ARE CLAWS."

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OH, YEAH.

"OH, YEAH."

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HOW'D YOU HAPPEN TO REMEMBER HIM?

"HOW'D YOU HAPPEN TO REMEMBER HIM?"

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OF COURSE I RECOGNIZE HIM.

"OF COURSE I RECOGNIZE HIM."

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HIS NAME IS, UH, ANDY SOMETHING. SO WHAT?

"HIS NAME IS, UH, ANDY SOMETHING. SO WHAT?"

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SO, WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?

"SO, WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?"

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I DON'T KNOW.

"I DON'T KNOW."

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PROBABLY CAME IN FOR A DRINK.

"PROBABLY CAME IN FOR A DRINK."

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PEOPLE DO THAT, YOU KNOW.

"PEOPLE DO THAT, YOU KNOW."

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AS SOON AS YOU HANG A SIGN OUT THAT SAYS "BAR,"

"AS SOON AS YOU HANG A SIGN OUT THAT SAYS "BAR,""

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YOU START GETTING THAT.

"YOU START GETTING THAT."

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SAM, YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THAT KILLER.

"SAM, YOU HAVE TO GET RID OF THAT KILLER."

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HE'S DANGEROUS.

"HE'S DANGEROUS."

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AW, COME ON. LOOK AT HIM, DIANE.

"AW, COME ON. LOOK AT HIM, DIANE."

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DOES HE LOOK DANGEROUS TO YOU?

"DOES HE LOOK DANGEROUS TO YOU?"

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NOT AT THE MOMENT, BUT--

"NOT AT THE MOMENT, BUT--"

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HE'S A CUSTOMER, THAT'S ALL. HE'S JUST A CUSTOMER.

"HE'S A CUSTOMER, THAT'S ALL. HE'S JUST A CUSTOMER."

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HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE HERE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

"HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE HERE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE."

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DON'T WORRY, IF HE STARTS ANYTHING,

"DON'T WORRY, IF HE STARTS ANYTHING,"

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I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT.

"I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE IT."

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HEY. ANDY, ISN'T IT?

"HEY. ANDY, ISN'T IT?"

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THAT'S RIGHT. AND YOU'RE, UH...SAM.

"THAT'S RIGHT. AND YOU'RE, UH...SAM."

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CORRECT. WHAT WILL YOU HAVE, ANDY?

"CORRECT. WHAT WILL YOU HAVE, ANDY?"

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EVERYTHING IN THE CASH REGISTER, SAM.

"EVERYTHING IN THE CASH REGISTER, SAM."

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FREEZE!

"FREEZE!"

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UH...EVERYBODY JUST TAKE IT EASY HERE.

"UH...EVERYBODY JUST TAKE IT EASY HERE."

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I'LL, UH, GET--

"I'LL, UH, GET--"

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NO, NO.

"NO, NO."

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LET THE OTHER GUY GET IT.

"LET THE OTHER GUY GET IT."

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ERNIE PANTUSO. CALL ME COACH.

"ERNIE PANTUSO. CALL ME COACH."

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WE GOT TO HELP SAMMY.

"WE GOT TO HELP SAMMY."

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WHAT CAN WE DO?

"WHAT CAN WE DO?"

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I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE WE CAN JUMP THE GUY.

"I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE WE CAN JUMP THE GUY."

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HE'S NOT THAT BIG.

"HE'S NOT THAT BIG."

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THE GUN IS BIG.

"THE GUN IS BIG."

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THE GUN'S DEFINITELY BIG.

"THE GUN'S DEFINITELY BIG."

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MAYBE DIANE COULD RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES

"MAYBE DIANE COULD RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES"

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FLAPPING HER ARMS AND DRAW HIS FIRE.

"FLAPPING HER ARMS AND DRAW HIS FIRE."

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UH, CARLA, YOU STAY OUT OF THIS.

"UH, CARLA, YOU STAY OUT OF THIS."

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ME AND NORM WILL HANDLE THIS.

"ME AND NORM WILL HANDLE THIS."

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ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

"ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

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WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING. TRUST ME.

"WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING. TRUST ME."

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STATISTICS SHOW THAT 33% OF THE TIME,

"STATISTICS SHOW THAT 33% OF THE TIME,"

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A GUY CARRYING A GUN WILL NOT USE THAT GUN IF CHALLENGED.

"A GUY CARRYING A GUN WILL NOT USE THAT GUN IF CHALLENGED."

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SO?

"SO?"

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WELL, SO IF HE'S ALREADY SHOT 2 PEOPLE TODAY,

"WELL, SO IF HE'S ALREADY SHOT 2 PEOPLE TODAY,"

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YOU'RE IN LUCK, NOW GET HIM.

"YOU'RE IN LUCK, NOW GET HIM."

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HEY, FOLKS, FOLKS. I CERTAINLY HOPE

"HEY, FOLKS, FOLKS. I CERTAINLY HOPE"

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NO ONE'S GOING TO TRY ANYTHING SILLY HERE.

"NO ONE'S GOING TO TRY ANYTHING SILLY HERE."

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JUST TAKE IT EASY.

"JUST TAKE IT EASY."

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NO ONE'S GOING TO TRY TO OVERPOWER YOU OR ANYTHING.

"NO ONE'S GOING TO TRY TO OVERPOWER YOU OR ANYTHING."

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IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

"IT'S NOT WORTH IT."

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NOT EVEN IF I WAS A LITTLE CARELESS

"NOT EVEN IF I WAS A LITTLE CARELESS"

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AND SORT OF LET THE GUN DROP ONTO THE BAR LIKE THAT?

"AND SORT OF LET THE GUN DROP ONTO THE BAR LIKE THAT?"

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MAYBE LET MY ATTENTION

"MAYBE LET MY ATTENTION"

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WANDER AROUND THE ROOM A LITTLE BIT?

"WANDER AROUND THE ROOM A LITTLE BIT?"

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NOW!

"NOW!"

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IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

"IT'S OK. IT'S OK."

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YEAH. CARLA'S GOT HIM.

"YEAH. CARLA'S GOT HIM."

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LUCKY FOR HIM.

"LUCKY FOR HIM."

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OK, OK, SAM, YOU GOT ME.

"OK, OK, SAM, YOU GOT ME."

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HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE POINTING THAT. I'M SORRY.

"HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE POINTING THAT. I'M SORRY."

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IT'S OK. IT ISN'T LOADED.

"IT'S OK. IT ISN'T LOADED."

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IT ISN'T?

"IT ISN'T?"

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OH, MY GOD. IT ISN'T.

"OH, MY GOD. IT ISN'T."

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