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Clips from Weeds - Dearborn-Again (S06E06)

"Previously on Weeds."
Weeds
"You know what, just once admit that you had sex with Mr. Schiff."
Weeds
"Her math teacher."
Weeds
"And he threatened to stab himself in the heart with a geometry compass"
Weeds
"when she dumped him."
Weeds
"He finally got fired, divorced his wife,"
Weeds
"and camped out on our front lawn until Daddy had him taken away."
Weeds
"He used to send you notes from the loony bin."
Weeds
"- Gross. - Total bullshit."
Weeds
"Andy, I got a fucking AMBER Alert out on me."
Weeds
"What happened to your arm?"
Weeds
"I dropped my keys in the porta-potty. There was a raccoon in there."
Weeds
"Punched him out."
Weeds
"I got everybody up my ass."
Weeds
"We need to go far, far away."
Weeds
"Yeah. Copenhagen."
Weeds
"We're gonna need passports."
Weeds
"- Okay. - Lots of money."
Weeds
"Well, we'll sell lots of drugs."
Weeds
"No. One big sell. And it's done."
Weeds
"What's next?"
Weeds
"One more stop first."
Weeds
"My sister Nancy."
Weeds
"What a big fucking surprise."
Weeds
"Dad worked for Ford,"
Weeds
"just like everyone else within a 30-mile radius of Detroit."
Weeds
"There was this mermaid mailbox that my dad made."
Weeds
"Doug, hurry the fuck up. I gotta go."
Weeds
"Hang on, bro. Got a mudslide coming."
Weeds
"Bullshit. You're smoking in there. Come on."
Weeds
"Just pooping."
Weeds
"Lit a match to mask the stench."
Weeds
"That is not poop. That's hash."
Weeds
"Not fun in here. Not having any fun."
Weeds
"How smart is it to go back to your hometown when everyone's looking for you?"
Weeds
"We sell hash. We go where the customers are."
Weeds
"Dearborn is crawling with Arabs."
Weeds
"Also not a bad place to score a fake passport."
Weeds
"Isn't it a little racist to assume all Arabs have access to fake passports?"
Weeds
"It's also racist to assume all Asians are bad drivers, but they are."
Weeds
"Andy's gonna make some friends, hook us up."
Weeds
"How about I sell the hash and you get passports from the radical Muslims?"
Weeds
"I got a Jew face."
Weeds
"Wait, turn here. I think it's on the next block."
Weeds
"The Fake Passport Depot?"
Weeds
"No, my friend Lainie's house."
Weeds
"It's where I hid every time I ran away from home."
Weeds
"All right, here it is. Here. On this corner. Right here."
Weeds
"We should go in and see if Lainie's home."
Weeds
"Strip club. I'll put my sweatpants on."
Weeds
"Why can't we just find someplace to park and stay in the RV?"
Weeds
"Trolling around Little Beirut in the Jesus wagon"
Weeds
"might bring some unwanted attention."
Weeds
"Yeah. We need a nice crappy American car around here so we blend."
Weeds
"And sleep where?"
Weeds
"What about Mr. Schiff?"
Weeds
"- Who? - The math teacher she boned in high school."
Weeds
"Bullshit. That never happened."
Weeds
"Do you remember where he lived?"
Weeds
"By the park on Maple."
Weeds
"- He boned her. - It wasn't an admission."
Weeds
"Who the hell knows where their high school math teacher lived?"
Weeds
"He won't even remember me."
Weeds
"Nancy?"
Weeds
"Mr. Schiff."
Weeds
"Wow!"
Weeds
"And what's with the Mr. Schiff routine? It's me. It's Warren."
Weeds
"God."
Weeds
"I knew you'd come back."
Weeds
"And you look fantastic."
Weeds
"- It definitely happened. - Gross."
Weeds
"- Hey. Never confirmed. - They had sex."
Weeds
"How're you doing? It's so good to see you. You look well. You're well?"
Weeds
"What do you mean "well"?"
Weeds
"I'm not crazy anymore if that's what you mean."
Weeds
"I did go away for a while, but I'm better now."
Weeds
"- Glad to hear it. - Except for the sciatica."
Weeds
"Yeah. They say that it's a pelvic imbalance from schlepping that mail bag"
Weeds
"around on my right shoulder for all those years,"
Weeds
"but I don't agree with them."
Weeds
"I think it's more referred pain, you know, from the plantar fasciitis."
Weeds
"You work for the post office?"
Weeds
"Yeah."
Weeds
"Perfect."
Weeds
"Wanna come in?"
Weeds
"I'm not alone."
Weeds
"Okay, so, Aaron is your brother."
Weeds
"- Brother-in-law, Andy. - Andy, Andy, right."
Weeds
"- Steven is your friend. - Doug."
Weeds
"Doug? Doug, yes. And... Shit!"
Weeds
"- Shane. - Shane. Shane..."
Weeds
"- Midas? - Silas."
Weeds
"- Silas! Silas. And the baby is the baby. - The baby."
Weeds
"So, you sure you're okay with everybody staying here?"
Weeds
"Okay? Nothing will give me more pleasure."
Weeds
"What's mine is yours."
Weeds
"Except that telescope. Don't touch that telescope."
Weeds
"Nobody touches the telescope. Okay?"
Weeds
"Or goes into the room over there. You can try, but it's locked."
Weeds
"Hey. Nice massage table."
Weeds
"That's my bed."
Weeds
"I sleep face down on that little hole. Takes pressure off the cervical nerves."
Weeds
"You have a lot of cool stuff in here."
Weeds
"I got it all from SkyMall. I'm hooked on that catalog."
Weeds
"That stuff's bullshit. I once ordered the extra tall carry-on bag"
Weeds
"and it was too "extra tall" to fit in the overhead compartment"
Weeds
"so they made me check it."
Weeds
"Then the airline lost the bag."
Weeds
"And when I asked for a refund,"
Weeds
"they said that I should've bought the electronic suitcase locator."
Weeds
"So I bought that and when it didn't work,"
Weeds
"they said I should've bought the extra long life battery re-charger."
Weeds
"So I bought that and when it exploded, they said,"
Weeds
""You should've got the surge protector because you're overloading the socket.""
Weeds
"- So I bought that and... - Can you shut the fuck up?"
Weeds
"What's with the JC Mobile out there?"
Weeds
"You're not born again or anything?"
Weeds
"No. We lost our faith a long time ago."
Weeds
"Well, you lost something here a long time ago, too, didn't you?"
Weeds
"Doug, RV, sell it now."
Weeds
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