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Clips from Farzar - Flammily Reunion (S01E01)

"Anyway, how the hell did this website disaster happen?"
Farzar
"I told you to register my domain, Fump!"
Farzar
"Uh, you never told me to do that."
Farzar
"You told me to stick my head up my squishy ass."
Farzar
"[alarms blare]"
Farzar
"[Pee-Wee Herman] He said the word of the day! Yay!"
Farzar
"Oh, fuck all of you."
Farzar
"This whole ball is just for my royal seating ceremony?"
Farzar
"Oh, isn't it great, Dad?"
Farzar
"Shut up, Fichael. Uncle Wig's telling a joke."
Farzar
"Plerf. Plerf. Plerf, plerf, plerf."
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"Man, that was racist!"
Farzar
"Attention, brothers, sisters, cousins,"
Farzar
"brother-cousins and sister-cousins, uncle-daughters,"
Farzar
"second-cousin-fathers, and Granny Dickchin."
Farzar
"Please stop calling me that."
Farzar
"Oh, go jack-off your chin."
Farzar
"Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying their feast of white goop,"
Farzar
"the only food we can still digest."
Farzar
"Thank you, Hammy, for providing it for us."
Farzar
"Fuck it. Protein's protein."
Farzar
"We all know the reason we have gathered on our sexy sister's planet."
Farzar
"To honor her son, Fichael."
Farzar
"Even though Flammy fucked a loser and birthed a freak,"
Farzar
"Fichael still has the right to engage in our traditional ceremony."
Farzar
"I am so excited for my seating ceremony. What do I get to sit on?"
Farzar
"Uh, not seating."
Farzar
"Seeding."
Farzar
"You're going to impregnate all of your cousins"
Farzar
"while the whole family watches"
Farzar
"and finger-bangs our inverted penises and upside-down vaginas."
Farzar
"Bring out the cousins!"
Farzar
"I can't have sex with my freak-show cousins."
Farzar
"I have a freak-show girlfriend. Mom, tell them!"
Farzar
"Sorry, son, it's tradition."
Farzar
"Daddy?"
Farzar
"That's a good point, Uncle Wig."
Farzar
"We might all be living in a simulation."
Farzar
"[grunts]"
Farzar
"Sorry, I think I'm gonna take a rain check on the cousin orgy."
Farzar
"Great ball though!"
Farzar
"After him, cousins!"
Farzar
"Everyone, let's not let this ruin our ball."
Farzar
"Now we dance!"
Farzar
"That goddamn, inbred marionette is trying to Howdy-Doody-dick my damn wife."
Farzar
"If I lose Flammy, I lose my kingdom."
Farzar
"I'm gonna have to teach his little ass a lesson."
Farzar
"-[dance music playing] -Puppeteer, grind up on it."
Farzar
"Make me slap that ass."
Farzar
"How's the online dating going?"
Farzar
"I made a match, but it's going horribly."
Farzar
"We did a video chat the other day and she kept baring her teeth at me."
Farzar
"You mean smile? That means it's going well."
Farzar
"Oh, really? Why hasn't she tried to steal my social security number?"
Farzar
"Or introduced me to her cult leader?"
Farzar
"Or lured me to a hotel room, chained me to a bed, and made me raw dog her husband?"
Farzar
"Man, you've had some bad experiences with women."
Farzar
"All this stuff means is that she likes you."
Farzar
"Haven't you had a woman like you before?"
Farzar
"-I've never had anyone like me before. -[phone ringing]"
Farzar
"Wait a minute, maybe you're right. She's calling me right now."
Farzar
"Hi, Barry. [giggles] I hope this isn't too forward,"
Farzar
"but I've been having such a great time chatting with you."
Farzar
"I think we should meet."
Farzar
"How about at my mother's house?"
Farzar
"-Maybe in the bathroom? -No!"
Farzar
"I'm not from Farzar. Let's meet in the middle."
Farzar
"Sending coordinates now. See you tonight, hot stuff."
Farzar
"Look at that. You got a date tonight."
Farzar
"If this is anything like prom night, I better get some condoms,"
Farzar
"because she'll force me to fill them with drugs,"
Farzar
"swallow them, and smuggle them into a prison."
Farzar
"Then make me raw dog her husband."
Farzar
"You know, I'm getting a little miffed here,"
Farzar
"because the word of the day is "raw dog.""
Farzar
"I've said it twice and I haven't seen no cheering, no screaming, or no confetti."
Farzar
"What the fuck are you talking about, Barry?"
Farzar
"Why would she want to meet me way out here?"
Farzar
"She's making a fool of you, Barry. I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind."
Farzar
"[phone dialing]"
Farzar
"Hello?"
Farzar
"Dear God. I'm going to need a bigger scrote."
Farzar
"Bazarackkilldiedeath.com is registered to a home on this retirement planet."
Farzar
"Shady Acreon Four."
Farzar
"I'm gonna destroy these blue-haired twats and steal my URL back."
Farzar
"There's the place."
Farzar
"Why did you quip-queefers steal my website, bazarackkilldiedeath.com?"
Farzar
"What's Bazarackkilldiedeath?"
Farzar
"Our web address"
Farzar
"stands for a bazaar of arts and crafts from Kiki, Ildi, and Edith."
Farzar
"That's not how you spell "bazaar.""
Farzar
"That's because Kiki registered it and she's the dumb one."
Farzar
"And you're the bitch."
Farzar
"Aw. [chuckles]"
Farzar
"What are you laughing at? You're the slut!"
Farzar
"That is the classic dynamic. Every woman has to be one of those three."
Farzar
"-Now give me my website. -No."
Farzar
"No?! No?!"
Farzar
"Well, we gave it a hell of a try. Let's go."
Farzar
"Wait, won't you stay for cheesecake?"
Farzar
"Cheesecake?"
Farzar
"Cheesecake?!"
Farzar
"And that's why Kiki hid her girdle in the flowerpot."
Farzar
"Oh! [chuckles]"
Farzar
"Oh, that is so Kiki!"
Farzar
"Edith, why did you miss the shuffleboard game yesterday?"
Farzar
"Oh, I was in bed with Arthur Ritis."
Farzar
"Makes sense. You already slept with the other two Ritis brothers."
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"You guys ever have normal conversations? Or is it all setup, punchline?"
Farzar
"Anyone interested in bridge?"
Farzar
"You talking about the game or the thing you live under?"
Farzar
"Ooh, they're coming too fast! Oh, they're coming too fast!"
Farzar
"Ooh. Oh, you girls are on fire."
Farzar
"Ooh, sure feels like it. I get so many hot flashes, I could cook eggs."
Farzar
"Your eggs have been cooked"
Farzar
"since that botched back-alley abortion destroyed your uterus."
Farzar
"Am I supposed to laugh? This shit just got dark."
Farzar
"She's just mad because we don't like her fiancé, Harold."
Farzar
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