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Clips from The Simpsons - The Book Job (S23E23)

"a successful series of children's fantasy novels?"
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"without a throat!"
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"Don't kill him! That's Neil Gaiman."
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"I don't care if he's the guy who wrote Sandman Volume One:"
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"Preludes and Nocturnes--"
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"no one spies on us!"
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"Perhaps someone of my experience"
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"would be a valuable addition to your... crew."
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"The king of fantasy books on our fantasy book-writing team?"
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"Okay, Gaiman, you're in."
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"Your job is to get lunch."
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"Cheeseburgers, French fries."
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"I'm all over that, pal."
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"Sitting in a coffee shop."
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"I couldn't feel more like a real writer."
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"Oh, I better set up my Wi-Fi, in case I need to do some research."
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"I really should buy something."
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""And so, Lucinda placed the fifth shard"
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""'Your parents are alive.'"
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""and they both understood,"
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"their journey was just beginning.""
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"The end."
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"It's good."
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"Weekly Reader Star Selection good."
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"I just hope we put in enough steampunk, whatever that is."
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""The Troll Twins of Underbridge Academy.""
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"I'm so proud of us."
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"Oh, you didn't write any of it."
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"I've got it!"
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"A mermaid falls in love with a boy on land."
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"I'm a genius!"
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"Huh?"
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"Hope you don't mind us printing our book in your room, Lis."
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"Yeah, only your professional-strength"
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"output tray can handle the weight of our manuscript."
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"Whoo-hoo!"
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"Trolls in a magical"
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"prep school under the Brooklyn Bridge?"
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"- Interesting. - Whoo!"
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"This is a really good book."
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"We know. We wrote it."
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"I laminated the lunch menu and put them in a binder."
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"But we have a problem here. Where's your fake author?"
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"Fake author?"
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"Fake author!"
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"If you don't have a made-up author"
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"with an inspirational tale, you don't have a book!"
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"Where's your Franklin W. Dixon?"
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"Where's your T.R. Francis?"
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"Where's your Stephen King?"
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"Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
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"We forgot to create a fake author!"
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"That was Gaiman's job."
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"Okay, stay frosty."
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"to pretend to be the writer of our book."
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"So hit the floor and find some pathetic wanna-be author."
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"Coming to the book fair sure was a great idea."
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"'Cause you can't write"
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"if you don't know what the competition's up to!"
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"A dog wrote a bestseller?!"
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"All I've done is procrastinate!"
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"Ah, who am I kidding?"
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"There will never be a book with my name on it."
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"Or... your name could be on a book in ten minutes."
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"Do I have to do any writing?"
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"No. I'm in."
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"Ah, a preteen prodigy."
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"My mother was a lady ringmaster, and my father was a lion barber."
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"I wrote my first story with clown lipstick"
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"on a flattened popcorn box."
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""Best Forty Under Four" issue."
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
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"Is R.L. Stine here, 'cause you just gave me Goosebumps?"
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"Oh, good one, boss."
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"You just sold your book for a million dollars."
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"Gentlemen,"
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"to The Troll Twins of Underbridge Academy.""
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"Yeah!"
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"for Kansas City?"
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"What happened to me?"
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"In one vulnerable moment,"
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"I became the thing I hated most-- a literary fraud."
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"You'll get attention from Jacksons, Xanders,"
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"Aw, I've always wanted an Aiden."
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"Here it is, an advance copy."
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""The Vampire Twins Of Transylvania Prep"?!"
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"Where's the trolls?"
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"The trolls are now vampires,"
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"the Brooklyn Bridge is now a castle,"
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"and Fuzzlepitch is now Bloodball."
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"Oh, weak! Weak and lame!"
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"How could the publishers change our book?"
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"the whole thing would be vampires,"
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"instead of the pope's private naked dude mural."
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"Look, we market-tested the book,"
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"and it really got dinged on the whole trolls thing."
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"I mean dinged."
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"Before we got our hands on Twilight,"
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"it was about a girl who fell in love with a golem."
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"But teenagers weren't going to spend their allowances"
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"But the trolls were the best part!"
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"- No. - Oh, that is so untrolly!"
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"Hey, if you don't want your words changed,"
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"write a screenplay."
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"We own your book, so why don't you go and cry"
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"into your million-dollar check?"
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"How could they do this to our book?"
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"It was the singular vision of seven people."
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"- No way! - What you're feeling is called"
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"pride of authorship."
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"You thought you only cared about money,"
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"but you actually care more about what you've created together."
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"Our story is actually more important than money."
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"I was gonna buy the apartment next door"
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"and fill it with dolls, but now that just sounds stupid."
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"Yeah, let's get 'em! - Oh, yeah! - He's right."
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"We got to fight..."
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"Rule number one of book heists--"
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"never fall in love with the book."
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"We queer the deal, we lose the money."
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