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Clips from The Simpsons - The Book Job (S23E23)

"desperate for work."
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"Publishers rake in the cash, and unsuspecting kids"
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"get ten books a year"
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"by their favorite "author.""
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"Everything I believed about "young adult" literature"
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"It's not against the law to sleep in a Tyrannosaurus head."
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"Sir, you're inside an Allosaurus."
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"I demand to speak to my paleontologist!"
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"Can I buy lunch early?"
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"so I can burn all my Angelica Button books."
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"Oh, honey, I'm sorry your book lady turned"
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"out to be a dinosaur."
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"But you liked the stories when you read them."
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"So what does it matter?"
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"Doesn't it bother you that Betty Crocker"
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"is an invention of '20s-era ad men?"
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"I know you're hurting, but that's no reason"
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"to lash out at me."
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"Can you believe publishers would lie to their readers"
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"just to make an easy million bucks?"
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"Every book on the "young adult" charts"
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"who just want to take advantage of kids."
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"I know five idiots!"
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"It's the perfect crime."
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"As long as you don't mind betraying the trust"
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"of vulnerable young minds."
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"The perfect crime, eh?"
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"Whatever the job is, I'm not interested."
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"A million bucks has changed stupider minds than yours."
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"I like the beat, play me the tune."
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"Chapter-book crowd? That's a juicy peach."
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"But what's the cream?"
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"- Tween-lit gang-write? - Tween-lit gang-write."
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"This better not turn out like Kansas City."
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"It won't be like Kansas City."
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"Come on, Skinner, you're the best kid-man in the business."
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"and I mean to keep it that way."
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"With your share of the money,"
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"The refrigerator could have my magnets on it."
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"I'm in."
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"So, what do you say..."
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"D'oh!"
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"Ow."
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"Our crew needs you, Bouvier."
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"You've read enough fantasy novels"
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"- to choke a hippogriff. - Mm..."
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"from Dothraki to Parseltongue."
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"for all the Japanese girlfriend pillows in Kyoto!"
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"We're not here for you, we're here for Lenny."
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"and I can't leave it alone during the bonding phase."
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"A-A wheel man?"
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"The caper is writing a kids' fantasy novel."
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"Well, I, uh, I don't like to brag about it, but I did publish"
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"five modestly successful children's books."
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"All we need now is a computer guy."
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"Do you have a computer?"
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"Uh, yes."
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"You're in. In what?"
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"I keep going over the job from every angle,"
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"but I can't shake the feeling that we're missing something."
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"Relax. With the team we put together,"
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"our book'll fly off the shelves,"
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"and we'll be sipping Mai Tais on a beach in Shelbyville."
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"You're group-writing a book?"
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"But the only reason anyone would ever do that is..."
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"profit!"
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"Like no one ever writes for money, Lisa."
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"I don't see your boyfriend William Shakespeare"
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"I'll show you!"
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"I'll write a book myself!"
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"Wait, you're gonna be all the guys?"
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"How would that work?"
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"This is how real writers do it."
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"I'll just bang out 2,000 words, and then I'll stop--"
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"even if I'm on fire."
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"I got to pace myself."
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"Chapter one."
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"Wait. I can't start without music to inspire me."
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"Why is Bach next to Muddy Waters?"
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"That's my problem-- I got to get these CDs organized."
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"There. Finished."
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"Now, if I win just two more games of online Boggle,"
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"I'll be ready to start writing."
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"Spot, stop, sop, top-tops,"
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"pot-pots, opt-opts..."
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"Post!"
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"What's their M.O.?"
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"And they're set in a place kids relate to--"
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"And the protagonist always discovers"
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"that he is supernatural."
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"Okay, our book will be about"
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"an orphan who goes to a magical school"
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"where he discovers he's... a vampire!"
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"Vampires..."
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"- like these? - Huh?"
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"- Or those? - Huh?"
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"- Or these guys? - Huh?!"
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"So many vampires! With the fangs and the capes"
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"and the medals-- nobody knows how they earned them."
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"Hey, this job's falling apart."
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"Everyone head for a different airport,"
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"and we meet in Rio in a year with new faces."
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"No one's going anywhere."
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"All we got to do is find a new monster to be our hero."
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"Hey, I ain't a troll."
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"Th-The first part is always green, but it turns red."
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"A troll! That's it!"
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"Our book could be about an orphan troll!"
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"Trolls live under bridges--"
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"the school should be under a bridge."
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"The Brooklyn Bridge!"
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"And the cool kids are elves."
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"The stoners are..."
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"gargoyles!"
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"And they play a complicated sport"
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"Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good!"
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"We've cracked it."
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"We're gonna be rich!"
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"Pardon me,"
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"but are you scheming to coauthor"
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