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Clips from The Simpsons - The Dad Who Knew Too Little (S14E14)

"I'm afraid that information is confidential."
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"You wouldn't dare."
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"Pfft. I could easily put them back in their original order."
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"You're late, Muntz."
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"You know she's just an actress."
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"Yes, yes, you said that already. What else do you know?"
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"Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school."
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"Lisa's pet peeve is phonies?"
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"I thought she loved them."
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"So you know one thing about me. Big deal."
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"On the way home, we could get your favorite treat."
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"Take a look for yourself."
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"So sad, yet so sexy, yet so delicious. Mm."
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"Dad, today was so great."
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"Oh, yes. Well, let's take a look and see..."
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"You better pay up, Simpson."
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"Chief Wiggum, uh, do you have a statement?"
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"Well, we do have several promising clues."
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"Uh, let's see. There's a Malibu Stacy scrunchie..."
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"And that Lisa Simpson is guilty."
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"It's all my fault for refusing to pay..."
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"Can Lisa come out with her hands up?"
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"Chief Wiggum, my daughter is innocent until proven guilty."
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"Police are looking for a bald man in blue pants..."
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"I look just like Elvis."
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"- Names, please? - Lady Penelope Ariel Ponyweather."
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"Lisa, this is from your mom."
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"This is all my fault."
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"Damn it. These windows are so hard to squeeze through."
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"We'll find breakfast in here."
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"Make one move and you'll get a belly full of the Flying Giuseppe."
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"How you doing?"
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"I'll just hide here."
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"Now what are you gonna do?"
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"You can't shoot all of us. Damn it."
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"Dad? Are you in here?"
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"Perhaps you also remember this laser Bart gave me earlier."
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"But I'm glad you love me again."
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"Cletus, if I find pig lipstick on your collar again..."
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"Unauthorized user. Access denied."
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"Here's the recliner where Don Adams and Shelley Winters..."
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"It should be in a museum, but museums don't want it."
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"And here's my pool."
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"Why, look, it's my celebrity neighbor, Elliott Gould."
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"...and Girltech Turbo Diaries are in stores now."
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"Dad, you ate all the free samples."
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"Finally, Smithers..."
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"Number one, the Kingston Trio. Ugh. Number two..."
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"Sir, I can offer you this Tickle Me Krusty..."
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"...an outer space adventure starring you."
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"You can point a red dot at people's crotches from really far away."
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"The dot also appears to be on my underpants."
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"Well, down they go."
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"Okay, Lisa, now open the present from your father and me. Hmm, hmm?"
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"I wonder what this could be."
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"Well, this could be fun."
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"Let's watch it."
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"- It's my best friend... - Maggie."
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"- Some Indians took all the... - McNuggets."
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"You don't know anything about me."
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"Maggie, you're her best friend, go talk to her."
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"Did you cry out all your angries?"
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"I don't think so."
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"I'm still mad at you for chopping up my skateboard with an ax."
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"Yeah, at least you ain't aging six years for every one because of your cow heart."
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"He found out who was cobbling shoes for me at night."
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"Turns out I have severe schizophrenia."
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"Maybe someday I'll turn into a swan."
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"My name is Homer Simpson. I desperately need your help."
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"Usually with gams that don't quit until they get to the shoes."
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"You know, you are the spitting image of the Aberdeen Strangler."
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"D'oh! Ah!"
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"Welcome to another episode of Padz..."
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"...where we go inside the mega-mansions of today's hot young celebrities."
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"Oh, let's get this over with."
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"...made beautiful music together."
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"Krustofski."
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"Your monkey bit my kid again."
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"Well, if he would stop wearing the banana suntan lotion..."
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"- Say hello to Bob, and Carol. - Unh! Aah!"
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"- And Ted and Alice. - Unh! Aah!"
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"And you keep your lousy dog off my lawn."
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"Dear diary..."
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""I have a crush on Kenny.""
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"Ha! That's me."
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"You would like me, loser."
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"Girls, don't let this happen to you."
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"Get the Turbo Diary from Girltech."
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"No one can read your secrets except you."
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"Turbo Diary, I love that I bought you."
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"Get your Turbo Diary from Girltech."
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"Girltech is a division of Boytech."
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"Hey, I could really use one of those."
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"No arguments here. Man, I come off like a jerk in this thing."
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"Lisa, nobody likes a shill."
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"- Just buy me the frigging toy. - Ha-ha-ha."
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"- Let's get her that diary. - I agree."
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"A girl should have her own private diary."
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"Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God."
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"Dad, you can't eat all those free samples."
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"- We've gotta get Lisa's present. - Watch and learn."
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"Now you're eating men's slacks."
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"Eh, it's still better than Indian food."
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"Oh."
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"One Turbo Diary, please."
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"Trying to keep those crushes secret, eh, Romeo?"
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"It's not for me. I'm not a girl like you."
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"I'm sorry, sir, but I just sold the last Turbo Diary to that guy."
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"...a device worthy of storing my top-secret enemies list."
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"I'm ready, sir."
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"Unauthorized user. Access denied."
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"Oh. Now what am I gonna get Lisa?"
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"- I'm anatomically correct. - Go ahead, take a peek."
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"I wonder what mommy's medicine tastes like."
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"Lisa's not gonna want that."
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"Oh, what can I get her?"
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"Shop of the morning, Homer. Just call me Mall Flanders."
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"- What are you buying? Jerk stuff? - Oh, you betcha."
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"I had one made starring little Rod."
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"Kiosk Productions presents..."
The Simpsons
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