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Clips from Broad City - House-Sitting (S04E04)

"I think I can manage that."
Broad City
"Great. Oliver, our Uber's close."
Broad City
"Standardized testing does not define you."
Broad City
"Nothing can happen in the global economy"
Broad City
"that will ever make you need to work."
Broad City
"(HELICOPTER APPROACHING)"
Broad City
"Whoa! A helicopter? I thought Uber just had cars."
Broad City
"Buh-bye!"
Broad City
"Enjoy the Hamptons!"
Broad City
"Ooh."
Broad City
"- You know, there's a gate right there. - Oh."
Broad City
"Four and three and two and one-one"
Broad City
"(ANGELIC MUSIC)"
Broad City
"Double jumbo capacity washer-dryer,"
Broad City
"cleaning 25 pounds of your dirtiest dog shit"
Broad City
"at lightening speed."
Broad City
"Mm."
Broad City
"(IN FRENCH ACCENT) Enter ze master bath."
Broad City
"And the coochie de gras..."
Broad City
"(GASPS) Is that a bidet?"
Broad City
"You bidet believe it is."
Broad City
"Ow."
Broad City
"(BEEPING)"
Broad City
"- to accommodate my anus. - Oh, my God, dude."
Broad City
"Oh, also your Bumble thing is hot."
Broad City
"I don't know, I feel like it's a little creepy."
Broad City
"Hell yeah, sometimes in life you need creepy, freaky fucks."
Broad City
"Plus, you guys are both adults now."
Broad City
"You must swipe "yas," you cannot swipe "nas.""
Broad City
"Yeah, you're right, we are both adults now."
Broad City
"Yeah, teachers are the ultimate fantasy."
Broad City
"Yeah, you know what? You're right. I'm doing it."
Broad City
"(PHONE BEEPS) Oh, my God. Okay, we matched."
Broad City
"Hell yeah, you did, you creepy bitch."
Broad City
"I need help studying for my ACTs"
Broad City
"and I'm trying to get a 69."
Broad City
"I'm gonna write, "Hey. Long time.""
Broad City
"Okay, he's... Okay, he wrote,"
Broad City
"(BEEPS) (WATER PRESSURE DECREASES)"
Broad City
"Honestly, both."
Broad City
"He should come here. This place is so adult."
Broad City
"You know, you'll seem older than he is."
Broad City
"we're having an adults-only soiree"
Broad City
"- (PHONE CHIMES) - Gaga, now all that's left is prep."
Broad City
"Sit your sweet ass on this bidet."
Broad City
"(BIDET BEEPING)"
Broad City
"(BEEPS)"
Broad City
"- (WATER RUNNING) - Oh..."
Broad City
"Now get into it."
Broad City
"So what's going on with you and Lincoln?"
Broad City
"It's official now. He's, like, your boyfriend."
Broad City
"Yeah, you know, it's just that,"
Broad City
"You know, I'm just like, it is an essential part"
Broad City
"of my character that I'm just not into labels."
Broad City
"- Yeah, I think that's great. - (PHONE CHIMES)"
Broad City
"(GASPS)"
Broad City
"You know what, I think I need to change into something a little more casual"
Broad City
""Resort wear"? You are naturally rich."
Broad City
"This is, like, a little more mature."
Broad City
"- Ooh, perfect. - Great."
Broad City
"- Oh. Jaime. - ILANA: Hi."
Broad City
"- God, you're a princess... - Thank you."
Broad City
"- In a castle. - Hey."
Broad City
"- How you holding up, BB? - Ay, how do you think?"
Broad City
"and I cannot get hard for two more weeks."
Broad City
"Why can't you get hard?"
Broad City
"'Cause his stitches will tear."
Broad City
"Oh, obviously."
Broad City
"(BEEPING)"
Broad City
"(ALL LAUGHING)"
Broad City
"I cannot be around vibrations in my current state."
Broad City
"(FAST CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYING)"
Broad City
"(GASPS) A bidet is synonymous with sex in rich Guatemala."
Broad City
"A boner is inevitable, I cannot be in here."
Broad City
"- I see. Wow. - (DOORBELL RINGS)"
Broad City
"ABBl: Shit, dude, my teacher's here!"
Broad City
"Hello, my dear!"
Broad City
"ILANA: Hello, my, um,"
Broad City
"Uh..."
Broad City
"- Hey. Oh, my... - Hey."
Broad City
"- Okay. He's here, he's here. - Oh."
Broad City
"Hey, Mr. Miller."
Broad City
"- Richard. - Richard."
Broad City
"And this is Lincoln, he is a man, as well."
Broad City
"Former teacher. He's not my teacher anymore. We're on a date now."
Broad City
"(BOTH CHUCKLE)"
Broad City
"Wow, that took a long time..."
Broad City
"To say."
Broad City
"- Oh. - Nothing. Hi."
Broad City
"He was my teach guy."
Broad City
"- I mean, it's not why... - He used to be your teacher?"
Broad City
"Yes."
Broad City
"Ow. Excuse me, I'm gonna..."
Broad City
"Ow! Can't... Touch. I'm so sorry."
Broad City
"(JAIME GRUNTING)"
Broad City
"I mean, not really."
Broad City
"I mean, we're adults, right?"
Broad City
""Supposably.""
Broad City
"Sorry. English teacher mode."
Broad City
"She'd never let me sit at her lunch table"
Broad City
"because, "like, I wasn't hot enough.""
Broad City
"I mean, you're not so bad yourself."
Broad City
"I used to think about you like that."
Broad City
"I used to think about you like that too."
Broad City
"Hard."
Broad City
"I'm gonna..."
Broad City
"Mm."
Broad City
"Filling cavities, and filling cavities."
Broad City
"Mm. My man."
Broad City
"Ilana, I'm gonna be honest 'cause we're in a relationship now."
Broad City
"This is... This is horrible."
Broad City
"ABBl: Ilana?"
Broad City
"BRB, Abbi's a priority."
Broad City
"Okay, I don't know if I can do this with Richard."
Broad City
"He's, like, really creeping me out."
Broad City
"- Mm, so hot. - No, it's not, okay?"
Broad City
"Bitch, durr."
Broad City
"All teachers jerk off to their students."
Broad City
"No, they don't. All teachers do not jerk off to their students."
Broad City
"teachers are either fucking them or jerking off to them."
Broad City
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