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Clips from Broad City - House-Sitting (S04E04)

"Times tables! Topic sentences!"
Broad City
"Oliver, chill, chill, chill."
Broad City
"Hi, Uber, we're out front!"
Broad City
"Uber has cars?"
Broad City
"- (CAR HORNS BLARING) - Uh-huh."
Broad City
"Wow... Okay, dude, we're safe."
Broad City
"Now, mademoiselle, to the tour."
Broad City
"(FAST CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYING)"
Broad City
"(NORMAL VOICE) Italian marble, Asian marble,"
Broad City
"Puerto Rican marble, every ethnicity of marble."
Broad City
"Let's try staccato. (WATER SPRAYING)"
Broad City
"ABBl: I'm gonna check on my online dating profiles."
Broad City
"Whew, the water is perfectly warmed"
Broad City
"- (WATER RUNNING) - That is unreal!"
Broad City
"Plus, I always had a thing for him."
Broad City
"Okay, sent."
Broad City
"Okay, um, he's typing."
Broad City
"(WATER CONTINUES RUNNING)"
Broad City
"- He's still typing. - Jesus."
Broad City
""I'm in town, do you want to meet up tonight?""
Broad City
"(MOANING AND LAUGHING)"
Broad City
"Is that about the message or the bidet?"
Broad City
"That's perfect."
Broad City
"Okay, I'm gonna say that"
Broad City
"- Casual. - Love it."
Broad City
"I feel like a wine glass fresh out of the dishwasher."
Broad City
"So we're just enjoying the ride."
Broad City
"Oh, dude, it's him. Okay, he's on his way."
Broad City
"(DOORBELL RINGS)"
Broad City
"Oh, my God. That was fast."
Broad City
"Yikes. Hot, dude. Dry that sweet ass and move."
Broad City
"- My penis. - Duh."
Broad City
"Yeah."
Broad City
"(WASHING MACHINE RUMBLING)"
Broad City
"Oh, my God. Um..."
Broad City
"- Do you mind if we just... - Okay."
Broad City
"So... Italian marble, Asian marble, Puerto Rican marble,"
Broad City
"my fluid dude."
Broad City
"- (DOORBELL RINGS) - (GROANS)"
Broad City
"(CLEARS THROAT)"
Broad City
"- Hey. - Hey, Abbi."
Broad City
"Hey, Ilana, Lincoln,"
Broad City
"this is a man."
Broad City
"Yeah. He's my boyfriend."
Broad City
"Jaime, this is... Richard."
Broad City
"Not anymore. That's why we're on a date."
Broad City
"And now you're on a date?"
Broad City
"Yeah, you're right. I am an adult now."
Broad City
"It's fine."
Broad City
"Speaking of which, I did love it when"
Broad City
"you used to make Tina Palmer stop saying "like" so much."
Broad City
"I have to go piss..."
Broad City
"(LAUGHS) Oh, you!"
Broad City
"I don't think you got this 100% right."
Broad City
"Like, when I was his student, though."
Broad City
"- Yeah. - Really?"
Broad City
"Ilana, no."
Broad City
"In the privacy of their own home?"
Broad City
"Listen, if Lincoln and I ever have children,"
Broad City
"- You do? - Lf it keeps their disgusting hands"
Broad City
"Oh, no."
Broad City
"That's the circle of life."
Broad City
"Watch this."
Broad City
"(BREAKS WIND) (LAUGHING)"
Broad City
"(BREAKS HEAVY WIND)"
Broad City
"That sort of came out weird."
Broad City
"Yeah, I, I love..."
Broad City
"I love those things with my wine."
Broad City
"- What do you mean? - Oh, just, what you said."
Broad City
"- I was like, "Yep, mm-hmm, me too." - Yeah."
Broad City
"(FAST CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYING)"
Broad City
"Yeah, a lot."
Broad City
"That I can read?"
Broad City
"(SIGHING IN DESPAIR)"
Broad City
"Pretend like it's day one."
Broad City
"Tell me what you see"
Broad City
"It's that, oh my God, it's lookin' heavenly"
Broad City
"Throwin' ones, wonder what my mama think"
Broad City
"I'll be slappin' on that ass gettin' thicker and thicker"
Broad City
"Ohh!"
Broad City
"(BREAKS WIND)"
Broad City
"Ugh. Wake up!"
Broad City
"(YELPS)"
Broad City
"Okay, so we have to talk about this whole relationship thing."
Broad City
"And that's good enough for you?"
Broad City
"- L... - I, I can't."
Broad City
"I don't think so."
Broad City
"I wanna take this one day at a time, the same way I take spaghetti."
Broad City
"Think about it like this."
Broad City
"- I'm listening. - At first you'd be psyched,"
Broad City
"God, I love that."
Broad City
"'Cause I can do that."
Broad City
"Right."
Broad City
"I'm gonna avoid that combination in the future."
Broad City
"Penis, be weak. Be weak!"
Broad City
"No, but you're, like, 17, right?"
Broad City
"We were role playing, right? Like you're 17."
Broad City
"I was trying to make you look young-ish."
Broad City
"And you know what? My skin is radiant."
Broad City
"I don't know that much to be true,"
Broad City
"but I know this much to be true."
Broad City
"I'm gonna leave you two alone, okay?"
Broad City
"Find a reason to leave, thank you, excuse us."
Broad City
"(LOUD BANGING)"
Broad City
"- We're... - (FIRE ALARM BLARING)"
Broad City
"Fire was inevitable."
Broad City
"- Oh, it's Heidi. Okay. - Okay, it's okay."
Broad City
"Hey, Heidi."
Broad City
"Yeah, it was a small dryer fire."
Broad City
"You wanna head back inside?"
Broad City
"Um... I don't think so."
Broad City
"- Goodbye, Abbi. - 'Kay."
Broad City
"All teachers do."
Broad City
"You kinda have to."
Broad City
"Hey, Abbi, one more thing."
Broad City
"there's, like, an age limit, I'm questioned."
Broad City
"Standardized testing has really stressed him out."
Broad City
"- Hm. - Now here,"
Broad City
"make sure you feed the blue macaw,"
Broad City
"and make sure the house gets a lot of positive energy."
Broad City
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