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Clips from 30 Rock - TGS Hates Women (S05E05)

"No! I'm going to show Abby that she doesn't need to act like this."
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"Hi, I'm Jack. It's nice to meet you."
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"Whatever."
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"So, what do you think, Kaylie? Oceanography's a pretty cool life."
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"Oh."
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"Oh, my gosh! An anglerfish!"
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"That was my favorite fish as a boy. Look at those teeth!"
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"You know, that's a female."
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"The male is much smaller,"
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"and is basically a parasite that lives on her!"
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"Until mating, of course. Then the male dies."
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"Yes, the scientific term for that is "marriage"!"
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"Don't tell Gina I said that!"
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"Giant tube worms that breathe hydrogen sulfide."
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"Arctic jellyfish."
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"that scientists think might one day cure ice cream headaches!"
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"There is so much left to discover! And you could be the one to do it!"
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"I mean, I'm not gonna live forever,"
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"That's why I'm making you a student argonaut!"
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"I can't believe this is happening!"
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"You already speak dolphin. Excellent!"
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"Is there an age cutoff for the Student Argonauts?"
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"Oh, no, Kaylie. That was just a boyhood fantasy."
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"The elusive northern right whale!"
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"Blow the wind westerly, let the wind blow"
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"- Yes, sailor, what is it? - We're moving on."
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"Abby, thanks for meeting me here."
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"This place is very special place to me."
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"Is this where you got your V-card punched?"
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"What? No!"
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"Does this look like the makeup room of a clown academy? No."
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"This is a statue, and I know you know this,"
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"champion of the rights of women,"
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"and the lid on my high school lunch box."
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"Look, I know it can be hard."
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"Society puts a lot of pressure on us to act a certain way."
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"But 'TGS' is a safe place."
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"So you can drop the "sexy baby" act and lose the pigtails..."
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"But I like my pigtails. My uncle says they're sexy..."
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"Enough with the gross jokes!"
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"And all the "sexy baby" thing isn't an act."
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"I'm a very sexy baby."
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"I can't help it if men are attracted to me."
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"Like that homeless guy. He likes what he sees."
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"Okay, that could be for me."
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"Really? By judging me on my appearance and the way I talk?"
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"And what's the difference between me using my sexuality"
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"and you using those glasses to look smart?"
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"I am smart. I placed out of freshman German!"
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"No, you didn't! Lutz? Is that even possible?"
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"I mean, I was there when he Belvedered!"
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"God, Abby, you can't be that desperate for male attention!"
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"and you represent my gender in this business."
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"And you embarrass me."
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"Kiss!"
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"Dude, I am sorry, but this is who I am."
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"Deal with it."
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"Now, are we gonna give the gentleman what he asked for or not?"
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"Actually, sir, I've already started to compose a heroic ballad"
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"commemorating your life."
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"Slaves of Jesus, hear my tale"
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"I'll tell you what they'll say."
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""Hey, remember Jack Donaghy?"
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"He sure wore a lot of suits and went to a lot of meetings."
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"Now power down, conversation robot.""
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"Sounds like you're asking some pretty big questions."
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"Unfortunately, Mr. Guzelian got put in jail for attacking his father."
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"I mean, what are we put on earth to do?"
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"I could devote the time I have left to other interests."
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"I hope my legacy is a "Sesame Street"-type TV show"
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"that promotes illiteracy in girls."
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"This could be me."
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""Remember Jack Donaghy?"
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"He was the world's greatest oceanographer."
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"All right. Your time is up, friend."
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"I'm thinking to myself, "Whatever happened to the erasable pen?"
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"Besides pencils, who's saying that was a bad idea?""
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"I've always thought that, but I never had the courage to say it."
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"I knew her boobs were fake! And that baby voice is fake, too!"
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"You know, as someone who speaks very na-tu-ra-lly,"
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"I'm offended."
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"She's taken on a whole new identity."
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"She changed her nose, her teeth. She even changed her name!"
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"Abby used to be a strong, smart, beautiful woman."
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"Children's book idea. "Baby Hooker"."
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"Oh, that's vicious!"
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"No, Jenna. For the last time, we're helping her."
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"Who else is on the call?"
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"Andy Hoberman, Web Sales."
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"This is Charles. I'm on for Douglas."
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"Mr. Donaghy? What are you doing here?"
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"I could ask you the same thing, but that would make no sense!"
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"Where did you get this picture of Cousteau?"
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"and some Beanie Babies that I thought would be worth more."
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"Or it can be found in the right book."
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"Same reason you were reading Pop-Pop's book."
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"So it's true."
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"I was trying to make you think you didn't want to run KableTown,"
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"while you were doing the same thing to me."
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"What a super sleuth."
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"but I assume that Vanessa is some kind of cool genius."
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"You don't even like the ocean, do you?"
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"I hate the ocean. It's for tools!"
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"The ocean's awesome and for winners! You are for tools!"
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"You worked your way into this world, but I... I was born into it."
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"'cause I can always tell Pop-Pop you gave me alcohol."
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"And I can always seduce one of your teachers"
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"Better pick up your books or you'll be late for class."
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"Well played."
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"You know what sucked about my last lesbian orgy?"
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"Right in the middle of it,"
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"one of us had to get up to go use the bathroom,"
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"Abby, this is for your own good."
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"Open apple, tough love time."
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"Is that you?"
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"That's what she said!"
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"Okay, first of all, Steve Carrell owns that's what she said."
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"He owns it."
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"A young person helped me online post this"
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"on JOANofSNARK. Com."
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