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Clips from 30 Rock - Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish (S05E05)

"And now Carol and I haven't talked in like five days."
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"And my other stuff is still unresolved."
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"and then get on with your, uh... "life.""
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"I'm trying. I just can't find someone I like."
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"or your tailor or the mute elevator porter at your men's club."
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"But for lesser beings,"
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"like curly-haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help."
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"Because, and I mean this,"
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"Hey, Jack! Welcome to Staples!"
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"Why did you choose that name?"
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"Food, drinks, fun."
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"Staples. Yeah, we got that."
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"Well, we'll see who's still in business 200 years from now."
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"Is the theme of your restaurant Not Enough Tables?"
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"No, we just need a lot of room for the monster fight."
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"Jack, are you familiar with the mega-restaurant Medieval Times?"
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"Well, I took that model and replaced the knights"
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"Ladies and gentlemen,"
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"It approacheth with fearsome steps!"
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"Boom! Boom! Boom!"
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"Are we paying the price for our hubris of science?"
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"Boom! Boom! Boom!"
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"Thank you for choosing Staples!"
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"Finally! Not that it matters. We're turtles."
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"He says he doesn't have cell-phone service"
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"But don't worry, he's fine and having a great time with his flight crew,"
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"Stewart, Brenda, Amber, Crystal."
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"Also, in the background,"
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"I heard lady giggles and the sound of a beautiful sunset."
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"Talk to about what?"
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"I mean, I just feel like sometimes men aren't totally honest with me."
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"Go on."
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"Well, for starters,"
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"Okay. Talk about that."
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"When I was seven, I asked for a CB radio for Christmas"
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"so I could track gas prices around the state for a cool chart I was making."
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"We'll get back to that later."
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"Well, Santa made an enemy that day."
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"You didn't bring me what I asked for last year, you fat fraud!"
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"than our current president, Jimmy Carter!"
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"I am a fraud, little boy!"
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"My wife still thinks I work at the bank!"
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"I guess Santa Claus was the first man to ever betray me."
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"It was."
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"But it feels good to talk about it. Thanks."
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"Miss Lemon, there's a reason God gave us two ears and only one mouth."
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"Who stole my canteen?"
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"Jenna, what we have is so beautiful."
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"And I think we're ready to take that step."
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"Hey, get a room... whatever that is!"
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"That place is a disaster."
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"I've poured more cash into Donald's restaurant"
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"No, I do not!"
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"Jack, I need other investors besides me."
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"What? You're the only one bankrolling this?"
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"What about Brown and Folderson?"
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"That's what I call my wallet!"
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"I've bankrolled every one of Donald's dumb ideas."
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"Come on."
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"The boy's only 43 years old."
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"Tracy, listen to me. Not everyone is cut out to be a businessman."
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"For example, curly-haired men and people who need glasses."
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"You're not. You're just letting him fly with his own wings."
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"And I bankrolled that, too! Thank God we tested it with a monkey first!"
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"So far, I have 8 "nos""
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"You know, ever since we had our little talk yesterday,"
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"I've been doing some thinking."
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"Good."
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"If I remember correctly, we were discussing men and trust."
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"Yeah, and it got me thinking about my Aunt Linda."
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"What was she like?"
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"Great, until she got divorced."
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"My Uncle Harry was cheating on her."
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"My parents used to make me go to Linda's house"
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"I hated those visits."
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"Your uncle never liked my cooking."
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"But you do, right, Elizabeth? You love your Aunt Linda!"
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"Here's a fun game!"
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"Put on Harry's cologne and give me a back rub in the bath!"
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"I can still taste that egg, and I..."
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"Oh, my God. My trust issues and my food issues are connected!"
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"Uncle Harold is the reason eggs make me gag!"
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"and move on with my life!"
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"Suburb. Come on, Jenna."
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"I think I know what's really going on between you and Paul."
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"which is why I'm gonna have to be the one to propose the sex tape."
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"Jack! I found a therapist,"
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"Okay, Donald is on his way up."
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"I know cutting him off is hard, but it's your duty as a parent..."
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"Tracy, do not laugh at the word "duty.""
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"Daddy, what's going on?"
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"I love you, too, Daddy!"
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"Okay, stop it."
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"is that you're an adult"
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"For the love of God, stop calling him "Daddy.""
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"It is true, little man."
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"But I need you to be a big boy on this."
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"I'm gonna call it Microsoft."
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"...and then return to it?"
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"Anyway, in the dream, I'm a baby,"
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"and my parents left me on top of the car by accident,"
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"and we're being chased..."
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"Well, kind of."
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"Look at his head shape."
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"He has no brain pan!"
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"It's fine, Mr. Donaghy. I'm okay."
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"This is exactly why I told you to see a professional."
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"Put your mental burden in my mind vise, and I will crush it."
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"Kenneth, who is Harold?"
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"He... was a role model of mine growing up."
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"Harold was a pig."
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"After that, I was alone a lot and awful sad."
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"But that pig saved me."
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"In some ways, Harold was the only thing I had that was like a father."
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"Then one day, my mama told me we had to sell him."
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"Harold was off to the slaughterhouse."
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"With Harold gone, there was nothing keeping me at home."
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"It was time for me to move to New York and follow my dreams."
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"But I needed $300 for the river ferry-train-oxcart-train-bus ticket."
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"And that's when I saw the sign."
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