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Clips from American Dad! - When a Stan Loves a Woman (S02E02)

"Like when I saw The Sixth Sense and vowed to never tell the big twist..."
American Dad!
"I'm sorry, Francine, there's no conceivable way we can get around this."
American Dad!
"What am I doing in here?"
American Dad!
"...without breaking your vows."
American Dad!
"Then we started to drift apart."
American Dad!
"So I divorced him until such a time as Daddy can get some strange."
American Dad!
"Hayley, your mother insisted."
American Dad!
"...I'll conquer my insecurities, and we can get married again."
American Dad!
"You better go hit the singles bars. You should go to Tuggles for ladies' night."
American Dad!
"Crowd's a little older, but, boy, do they love wang."
American Dad!
"I have one of those."
American Dad!
"Steve, don't just sit there. Say something."
American Dad!
"Can I borrow some money? I'm all out of Cougar Boost."
American Dad!
"Well, then give me money for that. What do you care? I'm thirsty."
American Dad!
"Did someone order a sexy Persian wingman?"
American Dad!
"...or these pants will cut off my circulation and my legs will die."
American Dad!
"Okay, here's my club persona. I'm a Persian stud, name of Rashid."
American Dad!
"I drive an M3 with tricked-out ground effects."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna go take a lap, pounce on the first badonkadonk I see."
American Dad!
"Now I remember why I hate these places: Crowded, loud."
American Dad!
"All right, target identified."
American Dad!
"Excuse me, miss."
American Dad!
"My daughter and I were touring the Capitol and our car ran out of gas."
American Dad!
"All I need is $40 for gas."
American Dad!
"I'm a Christian."
American Dad!
"Get away from my bowl. Get a job."
American Dad!
"Fought for this country."
American Dad!
"So my buddy Maloosh is producing some porn."
American Dad!
"This was a stupid idea. Let's get out of here."
American Dad!
"Buddy, I'm not ready yet."
American Dad!
"Hey, this is my boy, Baruz. He imports rugs."
American Dad!
"Take the one on the end, she's related to Judith Light. Won't shut up."
American Dad!
"I only invited him because our folks had to escape Tehran together."
American Dad!
"Oh, my God, this is my song! I totally asked him to play this!"
American Dad!
"That's plagiarism."
American Dad!
"- And that just pisses you off, doesn't it? - Yeah, it does."
American Dad!
"- You wanna shoot me, don't you? - You have no idea."
American Dad!
"- Why don't you do it, then? - Think I won't?"
American Dad!
"Two. Mine was never on."
American Dad!
"- How did you know I was wearing a vest? - I didn't."
American Dad!
"You know I was wearing a vest?"
American Dad!
"That's a good-looking Glock. Your wife give you that Glock?"
American Dad!
"- I'm recently divorced. You? - No. I'm married to my work."
American Dad!
"- Couch upholsterer? - Bingo."
American Dad!
"Ahoy, fair masticators. Behold your fondue."
American Dad!
"Hotter than the pair of speakers I bought today off the back of a truck."
American Dad!
"Hotter than three rats fornicating in a wool sock."
American Dad!
"I don't care how hot this is. I'm not waiting 10 minutes."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna take my contact out, dip it in, and put it back in my eye."
American Dad!
"- Do it, then. - Think I won't?"
American Dad!
"- I had a great time tonight. - Me too."
American Dad!
"Thanks for picking up the tab."
American Dad!
"You'll get the next one."
American Dad!
"- There will be a next one, won't there? - You bet."
American Dad!
"Her name's Joanna. We had the most magical evening."
American Dad!
"We talked, shared some laughs, had some gunplay."
American Dad!
"We have another date tomorrow. We're going on a picnic."
American Dad!
"No, I fell, but it's totally cool."
American Dad!
"Yeah, my game was pretty tight last night."
American Dad!
"I scored two tenderonis. I don't know their names."
American Dad!
"Anyway, madam, I wanna dispute some of these charges on my cell phone bill."
American Dad!
"No, no, no, wait. Yeah, I do. I do. Sorry."
American Dad!
"Frannie, bar whores. Bar whores, Frannie."
American Dad!
"Hi."
American Dad!
"Oh, Roger, Stan was supposed to have sex with her, not fall in love."
American Dad!
"It's not too late. Go to him and tell him you made a mistake."
American Dad!
"Salt. Remember, love is patient, kind."
American Dad!
"Love will rise again each morning like the sun."
American Dad!
"Great girls. I can make the ugly one cry like that."
American Dad!
"Tickets to Battlestar Galactica On Ice? These have been sold out for months."
American Dad!
"- How did you get them? - How does anybody anything?"
American Dad!
"They're 20 bucks. You want them or not?"
American Dad!
"Okay, we want them. We want them."
American Dad!
"Lori Petty is the man who played Tank Girl."
American Dad!
"My phone was off. What's going on?"
American Dad!
"Have you slept with her yet?"
American Dad!
"I'm sorry for pushing you into this situation."
American Dad!
"I love you."
American Dad!
"- What's wrong? - I can't cheat on my wife."
American Dad!
"You push the button halfway to focus."
American Dad!
"Well, you know. You bought it for me."
American Dad!
"I can't believe you got married."
American Dad!
"Funny story. You like funny stories. This is your type of humor."
American Dad!
"We were walking on the beach..."
American Dad!
"Lots of guys are afraid of commitment."
American Dad!
"- I have a 14-year gym membership. - I have a lifetime subscription to Ebony."
American Dad!
"- I'll march over and get married right now. - You think I won't?"
American Dad!
"- I'm not scared. - I'll marry the crap out of you."
American Dad!
"- So do you...? - Stan."
American Dad!
"Anywho, we're registered at Williams-Sonoma."
American Dad!
"- Honey, can I have my lipstick? - Oh, sure."
American Dad!
"- Joanna, could you give us a...? - Sure, I'll be in the car."
American Dad!
"Kids, give your new mom a kiss goodbye."
American Dad!
"I'm sorry, Francine. I took sacred wedding vows today..."
American Dad!
"...and I don't take vows lightly."
American Dad!
"Like when I saw Unbreakable and vowed to never tell anyone the big twist..."
American Dad!
"...where Samuel Jackson isn't black."
American Dad!
"I know this wasn't your plan."
American Dad!
"We like to show up right at 5:30. Punctuality is kind of our thing."
American Dad!
"What the fuck is going on?"
American Dad!
"I'll take care of you, Mom. I'm a wagon wheel."
American Dad!
"I drove my husband into the well-toned arms..."
American Dad!
"...of a more compatible woman."
American Dad!
"Yeah, guys take you out, treat you special..."
American Dad!
"...bring you to all the best places."
American Dad!
"Let's roll, hos."
American Dad!
"Have a kiss fight to see who gets to eat the fruit that touches my syrup at IHOP."
American Dad!
"I'm not gonna end up a worn-out ho..."
American Dad!
"...having breakfast for dinner with an abusive Persian."
American Dad!
"I've lived that life, and Stan saved me from it."
American Dad!
"I'm gonna stop him before he consummates the marriage."
American Dad!
"You waited. I made that happen. Now go."
American Dad!
"I am a god!"
American Dad!
"I'm looking for someone. Last name Smith."
American Dad!
"- Are you the hooker? - Sorry, wrong Smith."
American Dad!
"That was all three Smiths."
American Dad!
"I guess they're not here."
American Dad!
"Is something wrong?"
American Dad!
"Hey, fellas. What's going on?"
American Dad!
"You're an addict."
American Dad!
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