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Clips from Scrubs - My Intern's Eyes (S05E05)

"- Get out while you still can. - [Intern] Hmm."
Scrubs
"Junior, have you seen Johnny?"
Scrubs
"Alzheimer's patient, likes to tackle people?"
Scrubs
"Don't look so nervous, buddy. I got your back."
Scrubs
"- [Gurgling sound] - [Keith laughs]"
Scrubs
"Dynamite bangs. Hey, guys. Follow me."
Scrubs
"Listen, if you're having trouble finding a vein for an IV, please don't page me."
Scrubs
"If you're desperate, we're lucky."
Scrubs
"This is a city hospital, there are heroin addicts"
Scrubs
"who are quite adept at this. Did you find a vein, there, Reverend Mayhem?"
Scrubs
"- Mr. Kellerman, how're you feeling? - Not great."
Scrubs
"Well, that's probably why you're here! Ha!"
Scrubs
"Mr. Kellerman has congestive heart failure."
Scrubs
"Lisa, I want you to start him on diuretics, OK?"
Scrubs
"We'll loosen up some fluid around his lungs."
Scrubs
"The good news is he'll go home tomorrow."
Scrubs
"The bad news is if he's not here, he won't move up the heart transplant list."
Scrubs
"See, in medicine, there are lots of Catch-22s,"
Scrubs
"a phrase made famous, I believe, by an old fisherman who would stay out fishing"
Scrubs
"until he caught... how many fish? Anybody? That's right, 22."
Scrubs
"If you loved the sound of your very own voice any more,"
Scrubs
"you would probably sit in a little room all day and sing to yourself."
Scrubs
"Oh, you guys can skedaddle."
Scrubs
"Booga-booga-booga! [Laughs]"
Scrubs
"As attendings, you are expected to turn in your paperwork"
Scrubs
"and your required urine sample by tomorrow."
Scrubs
"Your lips, my ass, they should meet."
Scrubs
"Dorian, after four years, I hope you are no longer following in his footsteps."
Scrubs
"to turn in my urine sample out of respect to the fellas in the lab..."
Scrubs
"Now there's an answer that warrants a half-sincere pat on the shoulder."
Scrubs
"Thanks, Dr. Kelso!"
Scrubs
"He said "half-sincere," I think it was full-sincere."
Scrubs
"you would still hear the sound of my voice screaming, "Nay, oh, dear God,"
Scrubs
"one thousand times nay!""
Scrubs
"That being said, it's my obligation to let you in on the organization's"
Scrubs
"one and only bylaw: We're men."
Scrubs
"So I went ahead and took the liberty of making you five man cards."
Scrubs
"I don't need your approval or your stupid man cards."
Scrubs
"Although the lettering is darling. Have you ever done calligraphy?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] That night, since we were low on cash, Turk snuck me into the movies."
Scrubs
"One, please!"
Scrubs
"We talked about my living arrangements."
Scrubs
"- Are you sure? - You shouldn't stay in a hotel,"
Scrubs
"- Yes. I'll be right in, baby. - OK."
Scrubs
"[Gasps] Dude, you left your gym shorts in here!"
Scrubs
"so it'd be about a hour and a half."
Scrubs
"Wait! Could you just quickly scratch my nose?"
Scrubs
"OK. OK. Don't zip me... up!"
Scrubs
"- I'm a little sick of the Turks. - Excuse me?"
Scrubs
"I'm talking about their lovey-dovey crap."
Scrubs
"Babe, I borrowed your backpack this morning and my change fell out."
Scrubs
"Maybe someone or something had to gnaw a hole in it to keep from suffocating."
Scrubs
"Maybe someone already apologized for that about a hundred times."
Scrubs
"100 wasn't enough. I don't know."
Scrubs
"- Absolutely no lovers' quarrels. - Damn it!"
Scrubs
"Elliot, what are you doing here?"
Scrubs
"She hasn't talked to anybody at her new hospital."
Scrubs
"Not you guys. I think Omar took my pudding."
Scrubs
"Hey, Keith! Can I get your pudding?"
Scrubs
"Interns."
Scrubs
"I'm gonna tell them I am the most perfect doctor ever"
Scrubs
"That'll end well. Dude!"
Scrubs
"[Speaks Turkish]"
Scrubs
"OK, for some reason, Mr. Kellerman's fluid situation"
Scrubs
"isn't getting any better. I think we should be more aggressive. Keith?"
Scrubs
"- [Keith] Uh... - Why don't you go get a Lasix drip."
Scrubs
"There's so much paperwork."
Scrubs
"My dad was a veterinarian, and he never had to do any."
Scrubs
"Sometimes I wish this place were more like a horse hospital."
Scrubs
"We would have better hours. All right, gang, get out of here."
Scrubs
"How do you bother someone without being around them? That is the question."
Scrubs
"Perfect."
Scrubs
"Turk? I'm leaving for work."
Scrubs
"You've worked on your Turk impression since college."
Scrubs
"[Turk's voice] I'll be thinking about you"
Scrubs
"until the second I see you, right now, I'm doing my business."
Scrubs
"Dude! That's the best it's ever sounded!"
Scrubs
"- I thought she was gone? - Nah, she came back for a quickie."
Scrubs
"I'm not sure I'm ready."
Scrubs
"Get ready, she's been off the pill for a week."
Scrubs
"[Guilty snicker]"
Scrubs
"Dr. Reid? Need some help?"
Scrubs
"Doctor, do you know where the Foley caths are?"
Scrubs
"Don't sweat it. I used to hide here when I worked at this place."
Scrubs
"Thanks. Could you also grab a number six needle?"
Scrubs
"[EIliot] Ahh."
Scrubs
"[Screams]"
Scrubs
"Get this: The nurse told me you never even started him on a Lasix drip."
Scrubs
"Lisa! Imagine my surprise when she told me you never even increased"
Scrubs
"are you people trained killers? Say something, Keith!"
Scrubs
"[Keith stuttering] I... uh..."
Scrubs
"If he gets bad enough and we have to put him on inotropes,"
Scrubs
"he'll jump to the top of the transplant list and get a new heart."
Scrubs
"They're messing up on purpose?"
Scrubs
"There's a lot of ways to get caught."
Scrubs
"Sometimes you get caught because you couldn't slip your wife her pill,"
Scrubs
"so you had to feed her one of your special homemade brownies."
Scrubs
"- What's that? - Oh, that?"
Scrubs
"That's a tiny marshmallow with writing on it."
Scrubs
"Still, if you don't panic, you can get away with it."
Scrubs
"Just... doing some inventory... sir."
Scrubs
"Come on, guys. Who put you up to this?"
Scrubs
"had been eating Turk's homemade brownies."
Scrubs
"So, I will be taking one of... these."
Scrubs
"- Keith, look at me. - [Keith stammering]"
Scrubs
"Did he specifically tell you to disregard my orders?"
Scrubs
"What the hell."
Scrubs
"which I will if you don't get out of here. Go on, get."
Scrubs
"I saw it first."
Scrubs
"And you wanna know something? I'd do it again."
Scrubs
"I know I agreed to have a baby, but you were offering sex at the time."
Scrubs
"- I would have agreed to anything! - [Grunting]"
Scrubs
"Carla, no."
Scrubs
"No! She knows I can't eat without my strawberry milk."
Scrubs
"I think that's how you got into trouble in the first place! What's up!"
Scrubs
"His vocabulary's gotten so much better!"
Scrubs
"I work here so he doesn't have me arrested for stealing supplies."
Scrubs
"What would you have done if you couldn't give Carla the pill?"
Scrubs
"- I'd have faked it. - Guys can't fake it."
Scrubs
"Really? Does this sound familiar?"
Scrubs
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