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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Peanut Reaction (S01E01)

"Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something."
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"Keebler elf? I got a Keebler elf right here."
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"Okay, he can have carrot cake."
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"Leonard grew up to be an experimental physicist."
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"- And? - lt turns out my grandfather had died."
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"I got to see all my cousins, and there was cake, so...."
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"- That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. - You think?"
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"When they see me coming, they go, "Ah, no-peanut boy.""
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"...before hell freezes over."
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"Can you bring a friend?"
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"You either help me throw Leonard a birthday party..."
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"...and unbag all your mint-condition comic books."
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"The point of a secret knock is to establish a nonverbal signal..."
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"- Why not? - Don't ask."
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"Ah, fair enough."
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"- What if guests show up? - Entertain them."
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"This one has eight seconds of previously-unseen footage."
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"They say it completely changes the tone of the film."
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"- No. - Yeah, no."
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"- I've gotta go to the emergency room. - Now?"
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"Okay, Sheldon, what was it supposed to be?"
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"I'll call you when it's in the dryer."
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"What 1 2-year-old boy wants a motorized dirt bike?"
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"I wanna hook up my computer in the front..."
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"Get out of my ER."
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"- No, you don't understand. - I understand."
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"- We can't go home. - Why not?"
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"Leonard's fine. I'm fine, thanks for asking, by the way."
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"Don't toy with me, woman."
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"By the way, a 6-year-old could hack your computer."
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"- Right away, right away. - Thank you."
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"My first birthday party."
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"Dude, everybody left an hour ago."
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"- Nice move. - I've got it."
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"- Take him down. - He's got you, Sheldon."
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"- Come on. - He's completely schooling you."
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"- It's Tressling. - lt combines the physical strength..."
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"...of arm wrestling with the mental agility of Tetris into the ultimate sport."
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"That's terrific, but what they wanted me to ask you is to cut it the hell out."
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"All right, come on, guys. Come on."
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"You're beating me in Tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler elf."
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"Okay, it's a stalemate."
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"Leonard, will we be seeing you on Saturday for your free birthday cheesecake?"
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"He can't eat cheesecake. He's lactose intolerant."
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"- What about the cream-cheese frosting? - He can scrape it off."
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"Forget about the cake. How did you know my birthday's Saturday?"
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"I did your horoscope, remember?"
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"I was gonna do everybody's until Sheldon went on one of his psychotic rants."
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"For the record, that psychotic rant..."
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"...was a concise summation of the research of Bertram Forer..."
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"...who, in 1948, proved conclusively..."
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"...through meticulous experiments..."
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"...that astrology is pseudoscientific hokum."
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"Blah, blah, blah. Typical Taurus."
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"- So we gonna see you Saturday? - I don't think so."
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"- Why not? - I don't celebrate my birthday."
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"Shut up. Yeah, you do."
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"It's no big deal. It's the way I was raised."
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"My parents focused on celebrating achievements..."
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"...and being expelled from a birth canal was not considered one of them."
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"- That's so silly. - It's actually based on very sound theories."
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"- His mother published a paper on it. - Well, what was it called?"
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""l Hate My Son and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"?"
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"It was obviously effective."
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"Perhaps if she'd also denied him Christmas, he'd be a little better at it."
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"Thank you."
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"Well, I love birthdays. Waking up to Mom's special French-toast breakfast..."
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"...wearing the birthday king crown, playing laser tag with all my friends."
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"Actually, that was last year."
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"So you've really never had a birthday party?"
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"No, but it was okay."
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"When I was little, I'd think my parents would change their mind and surprise me."
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"This one birthday, I came home from my cello lesson..."
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"...and I saw strange cars parked out front."
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"When I got to the door, I hear whispering..."
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"...and I could smell German chocolate cake, which is my favorite."
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"Oh, my God, that's terrible."
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"Well, it was kind of like a birthday party."
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"Go ahead, tell her about your senior prom."
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"Make sure they remember, no peanuts."
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"Howard, every Thai restaurant in town knows you can't eat peanuts."
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"- Hello, Penny, Leonard just left. - I know, I wanna talk to you."
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"What would we talk about?"
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"We have no overlapping areas of interest I'm aware of."
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"- As you know, I don't care for chitchat. - Can you just let me in?"
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"Well, all right, but I don't see this as a promising endeavor."
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"We'll throw Leonard a kickass surprise party for his birthday."
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"I hardly think so."
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"Did someone say party?"
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"He just doesn't know he wants one, because he's never had one."
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"I suppose that's possible."
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"But for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one."
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"Here's the difference."
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"The possibility exists Leonard could have a birthday party..."
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"Fine. If I do have a threesome, you can't be part of it."
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"I'm just kidding. Yes, you can."
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"I think a birthday party is a terrible idea."
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"I envy Leonard for growing up without that anguish."
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"Anguish?"
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"Year after year, I had to endure wearing conical hats..."
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"...while being forced into the crowded, sweaty hell of bouncy castles."
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"Not to mention being blindfolded..."
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"...and spun toward a grotesque tailless donkey..."
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"...as the other children mocked my disorientation."
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"Okay, sweetie, I understand you have scars that no non-professional can heal..."
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"...but nevertheless, we're gonna throw Leonard a birthday party."
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"I'm extremely uncomfortable with dancing..."
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"...Ioud music and most other forms of alcohol-induced frivolity."
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"- Nevertheless-- - ln addition--"
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"...or I will go into your bedroom..."
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"And on one of them-- You won't know which. --I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink."
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"You can't do that. If you make a mark in a mint comic book, it's no longer mint."
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"Do you understand the concept of blackmail?"
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"Well, of course, l-- Oh."
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"Yeah, I have an idea. Let's throw Leonard a kickass birthday party."
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"That's not the secret knock."
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"This is the secret knock:"
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"What difference does it make?"
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"...to verify the identity of one's coconspirators."
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"- Is that Raj and Howard? - Possibly, but unverified."
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