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Clips from The Simpsons - Homer Goes to College (S05E05)

"or you can trade it all in for what's in this box."
The Simpsons
"Burns, this is a big problem. You just can't throw money at it and make it go away."
The Simpsons
"You're in big trouble, Burns. Simpson's job requires college training in nuclear physics."
The Simpsons
"You get your man up to speed, or we'll be forced to take legal action."
The Simpsons
"Is that so?"
The Simpsons
"Well, I have the feeling you'll be..."
The Simpsons
"Would you like to come in for tea and marshmallow squares?"
The Simpsons
"- So you want me to go to college? - College?"
The Simpsons
"- Ha! Barber or clown? - Bart!"
The Simpsons
"Remember, your job and the future of your family..."
The Simpsons
"You must find the jade monkey..."
The Simpsons
"before the next full moon."
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"Actually, sir, we found the jade monkey."
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"It was in your glove compartment."
The Simpsons
"- And the road maps and ice scraper? - They were in there too, sir."
The Simpsons
"I think this is a great opportunity. You could learn so much."
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"But fate stood in the way."
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"Homer, sign this application and you're a shoo-in."
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"- [ Panting ] - [ Laughing ]"
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"- [ Growling ] - Give me that ham, you stupid dog!"
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"Let's see: ''List your three favorite books and how they've influenced your life.''"
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"- Is TVGuide a book? Son of Sniglet? - No. No."
The Simpsons
"- Katherine Hepburn's Me? - No!"
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"Ohh! I suck!"
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"You the man, Homer!"
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"I don't know, Dad. Don't you have a better picture?"
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"Reading his essay would only waste valuable seconds."
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"[ TV.:Announcer ] Finally, the great taste of Worcestershire Sauce..."
The Simpsons
"in a soft drink.!"
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"Dean Bitterman, I hope nothing unsavory happens during my visit."
The Simpsons
"As you know, I am the president of the United States."
The Simpsons
"Oh, don't worry. I've expelled those rowdy members of Chug-a-Lug House."
The Simpsons
"Oh, I hate that lousy dean."
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"Your bra bomb better work, Nerdlinger."
The Simpsons
"[ Chuckles ] Don't worry, Mr. President."
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"Lighten up, Bitterman!"
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"That youngster will make a perfect addition to my cabinet."
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"Secretary of partying down!"
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"Homie, here are the responses from the colleges you applied to."
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"D'oh!"
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"Whoo-hoo! A flyer for a hardware store!"
The Simpsons
"Something I should have done a long time ago."
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"[ Growling ]"
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"- This Simpson is not qualified. - [ All Murmuring Agreement ]"
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"- [ Continues Growling ] - I see."
The Simpsons
"You all like baseball, don't you?"
The Simpsons
"Not some hot-dog admissions officer playing by his own rules!"
The Simpsons
"[ Grunting ]"
The Simpsons
"[ Grunting Continues ]"
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"I'm giving you the beating of your life!"
The Simpsons
"Look, if-- Stop that."
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"Smithers, dismember the corpse and send his widow a corsage."
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"My first day of college. I wish my father was alive to see this."
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"Hey!"
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"- How long have you been back there? - Three days."
The Simpsons
"There are two kinds of college students: jocks and nerds."
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"As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time."
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"[ Chuckling ]"
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"[ Spits ] Attention, everyone."
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"- The punch has been spiked! - [ All Gasping ]"
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"Don't worry. Your parents have been called and will be here to pick you up shortly!"
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"Marge, someone squeezed all the life out of these kids."
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"it's a crusty, bitter, old dean."
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"Hi there. Hello. I'm Dean Peterson, but you can call me Bobby."
The Simpsons
"I just want you to know, if you ever feel stressed out from studying or whatever..."
The Simpsons
"I'm always up for some Hacky Sack."
The Simpsons
"Boy, I can't wait to take some of the starch out of that stuffed shirt."
The Simpsons
"Good morning and welcome to Nuclear Physics 1 01 ."
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"I see a lot of new faces, but you know the old saying--"
The Simpsons
"[ Laughing Loudly ]"
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"Ah, did you see that jerk?"
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"[ Laughing Continues ]"
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"Dropped his notes!"
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"[ Laughing More Loudly ]"
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"Now, if anyone would like to stay..."
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"I'm going to hold a comprehensive review session after every class."
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"Then kiss my curvy butt good-bye."
The Simpsons
"Whoo-hoo!"
The Simpsons
"Homer, we have a perfectly good bookcase."
The Simpsons
"Yeah, but this is what they're doing on campus."
The Simpsons
"Sir, six cinder blocks are missing."
The Simpsons
"This proton accelerator destabilizes the atom..."
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"in this chamber here, then propels it--"
The Simpsons
"Uh, excuse me, Professor Brainiac..."
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"Homer, no one blames you for the accident."
The Simpsons
"Yeah, you won this round, Dean..."
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"[ Homer] Hello, Dean. You're a stupid-head!"
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"- Homer, is that you? - [ Yelps ]"
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"Look, I'm supposed to get a physics tutor."
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"Ni! Ni! Ni! [ Giggling ]"
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"We played Dungeons and Dragons for three hours."
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"Then I was slain by an elf."
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"- You take that back! - Homer, please."
The Simpsons
"Dad, nerds are nothing to fear. In fact, they've done some pretty memorable things."
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"Some nerds of note include popcorn magnate Orville Redenbacher..."
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"[ Gasps ] Oh, not Souter!"
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"Oh, no!"
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"Come on, Mr. Simpson."
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"- I'll write it on my hand. - Oh!"
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"Look at yourselves! All you do is study."
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"Wait a minute. I'll put on my snow pants."
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"- Me too. - Me too."
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"But, Marge, we're college guys, and we're up to no good."
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"Oh, those baby ducks were so cute."
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"I can't believe they let us walk right up and feed them."
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"I'm telling you. A big, crazy prank is just what the doctor ordered."
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"I got it!"
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"we roll him up in a carpet and throw him off a bridge!"
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"So it's a prank you're looking for, is it?"
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"I'll give you your prank."
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"- Those bastards. - Meet Sir Oinkcelot..."
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"the beloved mascot of Springfield A&M."
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"Here he is presiding over last year's homecoming."
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"And here he is rolling in his own filth."
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"[ Laughing ] What?"
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"- Curly, straight. Curly, straight. - [ Squealing ]"
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"[ Giggles ] Of course he does. He's a cute little piggy."
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"Curly, straight. Curly, straight. Ow!"
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"- Why, you little-- - Mr. Simpson, stop!"
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"Guys, he's really sick."
The Simpsons
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