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Clips from The Ranch - Back Where I Come From (S01E01)

"She's 22!"
The Ranch
"Hi, Mr. Bennett."
The Ranch
"She's good. She says, Hey."
The Ranch
"Top-notch bowler."
The Ranch
"Put your clothes on, I need a hand."
The Ranch
"One of the cow's water just broke and she's calling your name."
The Ranch
"Let's go. Heather..."
The Ranch
"good seeing you."
The Ranch
"Tell your mom Beau says Hey back."
The Ranch
"Oh, actually, those are my Uggs."
The Ranch
"- How's she doin'? - It's a breech."
The Ranch
"Oh, damn it."
The Ranch
"All right, Colt. Get over here and wash your arm."
The Ranch
"What?"
The Ranch
"Why do I got to put my arm in her?"
The Ranch
"Why can't Rooster do it?"
The Ranch
"Of course I'm good at it."
The Ranch
"Last time, you lost your watch in there."
The Ranch
"Who cares? It's waterproof."
The Ranch
"- Come on, Colt. Hustle it up. - I'm coming."
The Ranch
"God, wait, why can't you hook her up and I'll just pull the rope?"
The Ranch
"You know, that's the beauty of having somebody beggin' for a place to stay."
The Ranch
"You can't ask 'em to pay rent,"
The Ranch
"but you can ask 'em to stick their arm up a cow's address."
The Ranch
"All right, Carla."
The Ranch
"Here we go, girl. You're gonna be fine."
The Ranch
"You don't have to make love to her,"
The Ranch
"just get the calf out of there so we can raise it and slaughter it."
The Ranch
"Ew! Forgot how warm it is."
The Ranch
"- All right, I got her legs. - Good."
The Ranch
"Feet will be right at the end of those."
The Ranch
"Thank you, I know what I'm doing."
The Ranch
"God, do I look like an idiot?"
The Ranch
"Well, you're shoulder-deep in a cow and ankle-deep in her shit, so..."
The Ranch
"Man, my Uggs."
The Ranch
"Hey, if you feel a Timex up in there, grab it for me, huh?"
The Ranch
"You know what? You can't see it, but I'm flippin' you the bird right now."
The Ranch
"All right, one loop for each foot."
The Ranch
"- Come on. - Yeah, I got it!"
The Ranch
"Oh, you got it? Well then start pulling!"
The Ranch
"You know, did it ever occur to you"
The Ranch
"to encourage me instead of riding me all the time?"
The Ranch
"If I rode you, it was 'cause you were the only one in this family"
The Ranch
"that had any smarts or talent."
The Ranch
"Standing right here, Dad."
The Ranch
"I'm aware of that, Jameson."
The Ranch
"We all sacrificed so you had a chance to succeed."
The Ranch
"But you weren't willing to work for it."
The Ranch
"So, here we are!"
The Ranch
"You know, where do you get off being so high and mighty"
The Ranch
"when you can barely pay the bills around here?"
The Ranch
"Who told you that?"
The Ranch
"I'm allowed to say things. I'm a person."
The Ranch
"So, is it true? You in trouble?"
The Ranch
"It's not my fault. It's that other bastard."
The Ranch
"There hasn't been a decent rain around here in over a year."
The Ranch
"It's hard to raise grass-fed cattle when there's no grass."
The Ranch
"That ain't God, Dad, that's global warming."
The Ranch
"Global warming's a bunch of crap Al Gore made up"
The Ranch
"to sell books to Californians."
The Ranch
"Besides, what do you care?"
The Ranch
"You haven't been around this family the last 15 years."
The Ranch
"Well, why are you here now?"
The Ranch
"Oh, that's right,"
The Ranch
"you got no place else to go!"
The Ranch
"Go to hell!"
The Ranch
"Hell, I'll get the epinephrine."
The Ranch
"I'll give her CPR."
The Ranch
"That's not gonna work."
The Ranch
"You're wasting your time."
The Ranch
"Wasting my time."
The Ranch
"Well, it worked. He's up."
The Ranch
"I'll be damned."
The Ranch
"Come here, buddy."
The Ranch
"Rooster, we are the proud parents of a beautiful 85-pound boy."
The Ranch
"It was incredible. That calf was born still."
The Ranch
"I gave it CPR and I brought it back to life."
The Ranch
"Wow, Colt."
The Ranch
"You had your arm up a cow and made out with a calf."
The Ranch
"You know, you diddle a chicken, you're in the farmer's Hall of Fame."
The Ranch
"I'm gonna go back out and check on him, make sure that calf is sucking."
The Ranch
"Colt..."
The Ranch
"good job."
The Ranch
"- Did he just... - Yeah. He just said, Good job."
The Ranch
"And then I think he felt nauseous and went outside to get some air."
The Ranch
"I think the last time he told me good job"
The Ranch
"was when I learned how to walk."
The Ranch
"I think his exact words were..."
The Ranch
"You know what you should do to really mess with him?"
The Ranch
"Go outside, look him straight in the eye, and say..."
The Ranch
"I love you, big fella."
The Ranch
"Yeah, then you can go tell him you're a Democrat."
The Ranch
"Oh, God."
The Ranch
"I don't think washing helped at all."
The Ranch
"Yeah, that smell never really goes away."
The Ranch
"You know, my advice is"
The Ranch
"when it comes to putting body parts into livestock,"
The Ranch
"This one... is for pregnant cows and constipated horses."
The Ranch
"This one for eatin', whistlin' and shakin' hands."
The Ranch
"Unless I don't like the guy, and then I use this one."
The Ranch
"You know, all in all, it was a good day."
The Ranch
"Even prison's fun when you're just visitin'."
The Ranch
"You get to talk on that phone."
The Ranch
"Lady next to you puts her boobies up against the glass."
The Ranch
"If it's so bad here, why don't you just leave?"
The Ranch
"You're kidding, right?"
The Ranch
"Dad needed someone here to help him run the ranch."
The Ranch
"Spoiled? Selfish? Irresponsible? Kind of a wuss?"
The Ranch
"Okay. I was gonna say selfish but..."
The Ranch
"Conceited? Stubborn? Full-blown alcoholic?"
The Ranch
"you were a hell of a football player. And you had to go."
The Ranch
"I was proud of you."
The Ranch
"You're my little brother, amigo."
The Ranch
"Thank you."
The Ranch
"You know, I'm proud of you, too."
The Ranch
"Yeah? For what?"
The Ranch
"You know, I really didn't think there was gonna be a follow-up question."
The Ranch
"All right. Well, I'm gonna go outside and help Dad with Carla."
The Ranch
"Unless, of course, you want to?"
The Ranch
"Oh, no. You do it."
The Ranch
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