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Clips from The Ranch - Back Where I Come From (S01E01)

"Yes, sir. Living room!"
The Ranch
"I thought you were gonna take a look at that tractor"
The Ranch
"and try and see what was..."
The Ranch
"you know, cold."
The Ranch
"I put it on the fridge."
The Ranch
"You know, you get to spray it up and melt it down."
The Ranch
"What are you doing here?"
The Ranch
"I'm 35."
The Ranch
"Fine. You know what? That's..."
The Ranch
"That's a stupid haircut."
The Ranch
"All right. You know what?"
The Ranch
"Well, speaking of women who don't like being cheated on,"
The Ranch
"Don't go making accusations when you don't know the whole story."
The Ranch
"There we go. There we go."
The Ranch
"I got a tryout..."
The Ranch
"And I just need a place to stay for a couple days."
The Ranch
"Every opportunity you've had..."
The Ranch
"I'm talking about high school, college, and the pros..."
The Ranch
"My work is done."
The Ranch
"Not even for your favorite son?"
The Ranch
"Aw!"
The Ranch
"Oh, no. That was a playoff beard."
The Ranch
"You know I can't grow here."
The Ranch
"The owner's kind of a pain in my ass."
The Ranch
"That's why the owner lives in her own Airstream now."
The Ranch
"Come on. Let's grab a table."
The Ranch
"She saved a horse and rode a cowboy."
The Ranch
"Then yes, I am."
The Ranch
"So, uh, 17?"
The Ranch
"You were really hot."
The Ranch
"Duh."
The Ranch
"I was six."
The Ranch
"Oh, '99..."
The Ranch
"Carry the one. And that would make you 24?"
The Ranch
"- I'm 22. - Even better."
The Ranch
"You know, now seems like a bad time to be honest."
The Ranch
"Wait. Backup? But you were the best ever."
The Ranch
"I know Heather. How's your mom?"
The Ranch
"She's a fine woman."
The Ranch
"Sorry."
The Ranch
"Because he's not good at it."
The Ranch
"So, come on."
The Ranch
"I'm gonna go hang out with Heather."
The Ranch
"- What other bastard? - God."
The Ranch
"Yeah. Why do you think I left, Dad? Because of you."
The Ranch
"Ah, it ain't breathing."
The Ranch
"Damn, this is the last thing I need."
The Ranch
"Jesus, finally."
The Ranch
"you always wanna use the same arm."
The Ranch
"Yeah, that was not the vagina I thought I'd be in tonight."
The Ranch
"After you left, that wasn't much of an option."
The Ranch
"So you felt like you were stuck?"
The Ranch
"Well, you must think I'm..."
The Ranch
"But..."
The Ranch
"Mom?"
The Ranch
"Your father."
The Ranch
"No, that does not help at all!"
The Ranch
"Yeah, I think so. I'm a little nervous."
The Ranch
"Yeah. Dad told me it's been kinda rough around here."
The Ranch
"Figure if I give it 110%..."
The Ranch
"Are you kidding? I got paid more than that for playing in college."
The Ranch
"Look, I know it's not the big time, but the quality of play is pretty decent."
The Ranch
"And occasionally NFL scouts do come to these games."
The Ranch
"Yeah, no, I get it."
The Ranch
"You can't win the lotto if you don't buy a ticket, right?"
The Ranch
"or the gun rack next to the fridge, or the gun rack in the bathroom,"
The Ranch
"or the second gun rack in the bathroom."
The Ranch
"Screw you."
The Ranch
"So..."
The Ranch
"Really?"
The Ranch
"Here."
The Ranch
"You don't wanna start this with me, Dad."
The Ranch
"And then you drove Mom out of here!"
The Ranch
"Hell, I left the gate open, even the cows tried to get away from you!"
The Ranch
"- You... - Hey!"
The Ranch
"It's rainin'."
The Ranch
"Were you?"
The Ranch
"That's not the point. The mascot's job is to support the team."
The Ranch
"including me."
The Ranch
"The Bennetts."
The Ranch
"You know, I just wanna point out..."
The Ranch
"that the rain did not arrive until I did."
The Ranch
"Rooster, you home?"
The Ranch
"Check it out."
The Ranch
"Colt's home."
The Ranch
"What the hell are you doing here?"
The Ranch
"I thought you were up in Canada playing amateur's football."
The Ranch
"Uh, semi-pro. Yeah, I was playing for the Saskatoon Cold."
The Ranch
"It's like the Miami Heat, except..."
The Ranch
"Yeah, we know."
The Ranch
"We also heard you got arrested"
The Ranch
"for flashing Shania Twain while you were up there."
The Ranch
"How'd you even hear about that?"
The Ranch
"It was in the paper."
The Ranch
"Former high school phenom Colt Bennett shows Shania his Twain."
The Ranch
"First time you made the front page since the state finals."
The Ranch
"All right, listen to this."
The Ranch
"I... They got this hotel up there made entirely of ice, okay?"
The Ranch
"And so, I'm a little drunk, and I..."
The Ranch
"and I see this sweet ice sculpture of Wayne Gretzky."
The Ranch
"And naturally, I think, I could take a wizz on him."
The Ranch
"It's like when you go to the fancy restaurant"
The Ranch
"and they put the ice in the pisser."
The Ranch
"Yeah."
The Ranch
"So, I'm taking a piss in The Great One's mouth."
The Ranch
"And I almost got a hole all the way through the back of his head."
The Ranch
"He shoots, he scores."
The Ranch
"When I slip..."
The Ranch
"Bam! I slide balls first into Miss Shania Twain."
The Ranch
"Did she look down and say, That don't impress me much?"
The Ranch
"No. She said, That makes me feel like a woman."
The Ranch
"What? Can't just stop in and say hi to my family?"
The Ranch
"I remember last time you stopped by."
The Ranch
"Said you were done with football."
The Ranch
"You wanted to start helping out around here."
The Ranch
"How long ago was that, Rooster?"
The Ranch
"About six years?"
The Ranch
"Yes, sir. It was on my birthday."
The Ranch
"We were all supposed to go to dinner but you guys just fought the whole time."
The Ranch
"Hey, I got ten bucks anyone in here knows how old I am."
The Ranch
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