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Clips from The Ranch - Back Where I Come From (S01E01)

"Then you snuck out of here in the middle of the night."
The Ranch
"Took your brother's truck."
The Ranch
"- Left the damn gate open. - Okay, that wasn't my fault."
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"Rooster was chasing after me yelling, That's my truck!"
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"And so, I just assumed he was gonna close it."
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"Our cows were all over town."
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"I found one of 'em standing in the Sizzler parking lot"
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"just staring at a poster of a rib-eye."
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"What the fuck's on your feet?"
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"They're boots."
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"Those are not boots."
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"They're Uggs."
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"That's Australian for boots."
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"They're ladies' shoes."
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"Well, Tom Brady wears 'em."
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"Yeah, well, Tom Brady gets away with a lot of shit."
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"You made fun of my clothes,"
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"you made fun of my career, you made fun of my childhood."
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"You got anything else you wanna take a shot at?"
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"This was a bad idea."
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"I can't stay here with him, he's impossible."
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"Same old Colt,"
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"I can't stay here, he's impossible."
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"I can't stay in this school, the coach won't let me start."
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"I can't stay with this girl. She doesn't like it when I cheat on her."
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"how's Mom doing?"
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"All right, this is getting good."
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"I'm gonna grab a beer."
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"No punches till I get back."
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"What's the whole story, Dad?"
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"That's none of your damn business."
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"Why are you here?"
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"with a new semi-pro team in Denver."
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"As soon as I make the team, I'm out of here."
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"Are you kiddin' me?"
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"Are you still chasing this dream?"
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"I'm a football player."
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"You're not a football player, Colt."
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"You're a guy dreamin' about being a football player."
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"You're 34."
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"Oh, sure, you know how old he is."
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"Uh, 34 is still young to be a quarterback."
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"That's your three concussions talking."
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"I don't remember three concussions."
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"You know, has it ever crossed your mind"
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"that you might not be right about everything?"
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"'Cause you were just as sure when you said the moon landing was fake."
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"A flag cannot ripple in the vacuum of space."
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"Well, you're wrong about me."
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"you've either smoked it or drank it or screwed it away."
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"Well, next time it'll be different."
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"They ought to put that on your tombstone."
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"Here lies Colt Bennett."
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"Next time it'll be different."
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"He died wearing lady boots."
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"Seriously? I can't even shut a truck door right?"
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"I'm sure you could."
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"Why you choose not to is beyond me."
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"Hey, I'm gonna hit the head."
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"But in case you guys run out of things to fight about..."
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"Colt's jeans cost 85 bucks."
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"What kind of dipshit pays 85 bucks for a pair of jeans?"
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"Hey, bartender..."
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"Not a chance, Beau."
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"Hi, Mama."
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"Don't you Hi, Mama me. Give me a hug."
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"You're a sight for sore eyes."
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"Especially now since you cut your hair and shaved off that stupid goatee."
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"You ready for your tryout?"
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"You knew about this?"
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"Yeah, I stay in touch with my son. You should try it."
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"Can we just get those beers?"
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"You have any complaints about the service, take it up with the owner."
The Ranch
"What time you leaving tomorrow?"
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"Oh, early. Tryout's at 2:00."
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"About the time I'll be getting a beer."
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"Once you're on that team, I'll make the drive every Sunday."
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"Oh, uh, the games aren't on Sunday."
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"Sunday's reserved for the high school girls' lacrosse team."
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"Phew! I just had me one of them pees that's better than sex."
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"You know, a pee-gasm."
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"You know, it's possible you're not having sex right."
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"Well, it's also possible you're not peeing right."
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"- Hey, Ma, could you grab me a beer? - Sure, darlin'."
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"Done."
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"Cheers, Maggie."
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"Oh, yeah, good, just the two of us."
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"Sit and talk for a while."
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"Would you like a beer?"
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"Ma, I got a tryout tomorrow. Make it a whiskey."
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"- You look good, Ma. - I'm all right."
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"I got my health, the bar keeps me pretty busy"
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"and it's filled with a bunch of drunk guys I can take advantage of if I want to."
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"You can start with me."
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"I said, If I want to, Hank."
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"- How's it going with your dad? - Hmm."
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"Remember how he reacted when Obama got elected?"
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"It was worse than that."
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"Stupid question."
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"What the fuck's on your feet?"
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"Tom Brady wears 'em."
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"Looks like Marcia Brady wears 'em."
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"All right, give this to your brother."
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"And don't touch any of the waitresses."
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"Hey, Alicia came on to me."
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"Aren't you Colt Bennett?"
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"- Do you work here? - No."
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"I can't believe I'm in Colt Bennett's bedroom."
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"I can't believe I'm here, either."
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"How old were you in that picture?"
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"Uh, that was high school."
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"Is that your national championship ring?"
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"Yep. Florida State. '99."
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"Wow. 1999."
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"I'm about to have sex with a national championship quarterback."
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"Uh, the backup to the backup quarterback."
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"Yeah, the coach had it out for me from day one."
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"- Why? - 'Cause I didn't show up till day three."
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"And I slept with his daughter on day four. But..."
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"Colt."
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