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Clips from NewsRadio - Massage Chair (S03E03)

the line is totally dead. Yeah.

"the line is totally dead. Yeah."

NewsRadio

Mm.

"Mm."

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What are you do--? Hey, Catherine. How you doing?

"What are you do--? Hey, Catherine. How you doing?"

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Yeah, great. Thanks, Joe.

"Yeah, great. Thanks, Joe."

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Well, check this out.

"Well, check this out."

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You're fixing Catherine's desk because you like her.

"You're fixing Catherine's desk because you like her."

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You have a crush on Catherine.

"You have a crush on Catherine."

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What?

"What?"

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you know...

"you know..."

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Dinner?

"Dinner?"

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Oh, thumbtacks.

"Oh, thumbtacks."

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Can we get back to the budget?

"Can we get back to the budget?"

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Now, I gotta cut somewhere. I know.

"Now, I gotta cut somewhere. I know."

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I know, I know.

"I know, I know."

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The sad fact is,

"The sad fact is,"

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I know, but surely the other divisions

"I know, but surely the other divisions"

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Hell no.

"Hell no."

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Ducks hate hunchbacks.

"Ducks hate hunchbacks."

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Uh, never mind. Yeah.

"Uh, never mind. Yeah."

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how it's gonna affect staff morale

"how it's gonna affect staff morale"

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if I cut the snack budget? Oh, hell,

"if I cut the snack budget? Oh, hell,"

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Cadillacs by now.

"Cadillacs by now."

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I know. it's just part of your job.

"I know. it's just part of your job."

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No, it's part of your job.

"No, it's part of your job."

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Great. So I get to be the bad guy again.

"Great. So I get to be the bad guy again."

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Yes.

"Yes."

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These people--

"These people--"

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And none more so than Bill.

"And none more so than Bill."

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What I'm talking about is a full-scale revolt.

"What I'm talking about is a full-scale revolt."

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Uh...it's piece of gum I left in the fridge.

"Uh...it's piece of gum I left in the fridge."

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I would say, like August '95.

"I would say, like August '95."

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Not foraging for frozen morsels,

"Not foraging for frozen morsels,"

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Good point.

"Good point."

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No offense, Catherine.

"No offense, Catherine."

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for your den at home.

"for your den at home."

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I mean-- I actually-- I just got here.

"I mean-- I actually-- I just got here."

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LISA: All right, I know you guys

"LISA: All right, I know you guys"

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from further involvement in this conversation.

"from further involvement in this conversation."

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What?

"What?"

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Sleeping together...

"Sleeping together..."

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Okay, people, I don't see what the kings of England

"Okay, people, I don't see what the kings of England"

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have to do with the fact that we are virtually gumless.

"have to do with the fact that we are virtually gumless."

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Save it. Hey.

"Save it. Hey."

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Now that Mata Hari is gone,

"Now that Mata Hari is gone,"

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and snacks we so richly deserve?

"and snacks we so richly deserve?"

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We give him a list of demands,

"We give him a list of demands,"

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and not back down.

"and not back down."

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Wasn't Custer massacred?

"Wasn't Custer massacred?"

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He killed many paleface that day.

"He killed many paleface that day."

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and go down to Pharaoh's Cave

"and go down to Pharaoh's Cave"

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you all stand behind me.

"you all stand behind me."

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MATTHEW: Yes. Well, I never thought

"MATTHEW: Yes. Well, I never thought"

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I'd be standing behind you, Bill, but I'm in.

"I'd be standing behind you, Bill, but I'm in."

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I will not rest

"I will not rest"

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for what I said earlier.

"for what I said earlier."

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but you don't feel like opening them?

"but you don't feel like opening them?"

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Well, what do you think, huh?

"Well, what do you think, huh?"

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Thanks.

"Thanks."

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And I was thinking,

"And I was thinking,"

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and have dinner.

"and have dinner."

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Bill's organized a bit of a rebellion, hasn't he?

"Bill's organized a bit of a rebellion, hasn't he?"

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come down here and say...

"come down here and say..."

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this crisis has reached its saturation point.

"this crisis has reached its saturation point."

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I completely agree with you, Bill,

"I completely agree with you, Bill,"

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We know what you said, Mr. Company Man.

"We know what you said, Mr. Company Man."

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We're just not going to buy your jive anymore.

"We're just not going to buy your jive anymore."

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We have certain demands.

"We have certain demands."

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[URGENTLY] Matthew!

"[URGENTLY] Matthew!"

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we require--

"we require--"

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We demand a fully reclining,

"We demand a fully reclining,"

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electronic leather massage chair

"electronic leather massage chair"

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for the smoking area.

"for the smoking area."

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Well, I'll consider it.

"Well, I'll consider it."

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[DOOR CLOSES]

"[DOOR CLOSES]"

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Man, are you crazy?

"Man, are you crazy?"

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they dumped into Baltimore Harbor?

"they dumped into Baltimore Harbor?"

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when we buy that chair.

"when we buy that chair."

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I would have to eat it.

"I would have to eat it."

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A terrible wrong must be righted.

"A terrible wrong must be righted."

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willing to fight injustice in this world.

"willing to fight injustice in this world."

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No kidding. [SIGHS]

"No kidding. [SIGHS]"

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The chair costs $2,000.

"The chair costs $2,000."

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No, it-- It should be a thousand, right?

"No, it-- It should be a thousand, right?"

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You'd better get yourself a calculator, my friend.

"You'd better get yourself a calculator, my friend."

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[CHUCKLES]

"[CHUCKLES]"

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Yeah, that is. Okay, that is actually cool.

"Yeah, that is. Okay, that is actually cool."

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What? What? Joe, sit down.

"What? What? Joe, sit down."

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why don't you just tell her?

"why don't you just tell her?"

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Can you just--?

"Can you just--?"

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Can you think of something more simple

"Can you think of something more simple"

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"Catherine, I think you're really special,

""Catherine, I think you're really special,"

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without my buddies around. Right.

"without my buddies around. Right."

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Who told you about that? LISA: What?

"Who told you about that? LISA: What?"

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I'll tell you later. Okay.

"I'll tell you later. Okay."

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I don't know, Joe. I guess we care about you.

"I don't know, Joe. I guess we care about you."

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That's true.

"That's true."

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It can pinpoint any part of the back.

"It can pinpoint any part of the back."

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That looks like fun.

"That looks like fun."

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Go back to your non-smoking area, you traitors.

"Go back to your non-smoking area, you traitors."

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Bill, it is completely--

"Bill, it is completely--"

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Begone!

"Begone!"

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Mm.

"Mm."

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The two most exquisite pleasures known to modern man...

"The two most exquisite pleasures known to modern man..."

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this thing is doing to my pelvis.

"this thing is doing to my pelvis."

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Bill, you know, I was, uh...

"Bill, you know, I was, uh..."

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I was faithful to the revolution, right?

"I was faithful to the revolution, right?"

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Yes, you were.

"Yes, you were."

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It can be dangerous for the uninitiated.

"It can be dangerous for the uninitiated."

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So, what's it like?

"So, what's it like?"

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I can't even tell you. You're not ready.

"I can't even tell you. You're not ready."

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to give us back those free snacks, huh?

"to give us back those free snacks, huh?"

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carries with it certain responsibilities.

"carries with it certain responsibilities."

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For example, you'll have to guard it

"For example, you'll have to guard it"

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To make sure no one else uses it.

"To make sure no one else uses it."

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Oh, can do, can do.

"Oh, can do, can do."

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we have something of a mutiny on our hands.

"we have something of a mutiny on our hands."

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Look, I think what these people really need

"Look, I think what these people really need"

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that ducks not bail out hunchbacks.

"that ducks not bail out hunchbacks."

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Well, then let me distill my thesis to its essence:

"Well, then let me distill my thesis to its essence:"

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No-- No you don't. What?

"No-- No you don't. What?"

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