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Clips from New Girl - Wedding (S01E01)

"I'm gonna need you to step it up tonight."
New Girl
"- What's the matter? - This is the first job I've had in months."
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"Let's go knock biscuits, brother-cousins."
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"- No. - No teeth, Jess."
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"Who's that girl?"
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"- I see you wore the pantsuit again. - This is a new one."
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"- That's horrible. - Ready for tonight?"
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"- Just be cool. - Okay, okay."
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"I catch a paper boy"
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"What? What? That's a mistake. No, I didn't order that. No. No, sir."
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"Hi."
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"I have to go home with Brooke tonight."
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"Ever heard a man sob and listen to Simon & Garfunkel?"
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"Oh, but you didn't know that I did this:"
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"Well, do you, do you, do you wanna? Wanna go?"
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"- Oh, my God, what are you doing? - Mommy? Mommy?"
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"I don't know, never been. I'm fascinated with the culture."
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"It feels so good talking to you."
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"Well, it's been really nice chatting with you..."
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"- Wait, you have a boyfriend? - Yeah, well, I've been seeing someone."
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"Lose control Get drunk because I'm a freak"
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"You're good at your job, babe."
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"I'm so happy for you two."
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"I love bubbles."
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"In my ear"
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"Oh."
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"That yellow helmet is... Ugh."
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"It's our first wedding together, so we need nicknames."
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"Nick is Knickknack, or Mr. Suspenders."
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"No nicknames. Your only job tonight is to be Nick's girlfriend."
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"And make sure he stays out of trouble with Caroline."
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"- Why can't you and Winston help? - We've tried."
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"She's not coming back."
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"He's right. I don't."
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"I have ever seen, Jess."
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"When I see you, I want to be thinking:"
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""Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?""
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"Probably the slut butler, right?"
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"Yo, let's go. We can't be late. I am in the wedding."
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"- You're the usher, relax. - Yeah, I'll be busy."
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"I won't have to sit around answering stupid questions."
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"Like, "Do you have a job? Are you still playing basketball?""
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"Does it look like I'm still playing overseas basketball?"
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"I want to get in there and ush this wedding in the face."
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"You're gonna be great, man."
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"So when we do the chicken dance, I do it differently."
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"I know that it usually goes like:"
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"But instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck."
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"Because it's more realistic."
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"No chicken dance."
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"Look, we're not trying to be mean. We just don't want you to be yourself."
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"In any way."
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"Okay. Suppress the Jess. Got it."
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"- Did you use my hair gel? - Did I use your hair gel?"
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"I won't be mad. Just let me know if you did."
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"- No. - You sure?"
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"- I used your hair gel. - Are you serious?"
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"Yeah. It's..."
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"Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?"
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"Wow."
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"You look great."
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"- You can't use prop teeth. - Come on, guys."
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"These are hilarious. Kids love these."
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"Who's that girl? - It's Jess"
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"Want to know one of my beauty secrets?"
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"The only way I could fit in this dress was..."
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"by wearing little girls' bicycle shorts underneath. They are tight."
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"I will not be peeing tonight. Oh, my God, bubbles."
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"No, no, Jess. No bubbles, no bubbles, please."
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"Ooh, a lot of big game here tonight. Ooh."
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"Oh, there's Brooke."
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"Who's Brooke? - He's been into her since freshman year."
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"She used to pass out drunk on our porch. Like having a hot, alcoholic cat."
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"I'd always leave water out for her. Okay. Tonight just got real."
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"She goes on the kill list."
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"Because you're gonna attempt to kill her by having sex with her?"
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"- More or less. - Oh, Schmidt."
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"One day you're gonna kill the nicest girl."
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"Look at my new boyfriend."
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"So fancy in his big-boy tie."
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"Jess, would you please stop?"
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"What is it with Caroline? You're a different person."
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"Just focus on getting through today, please."
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"Okay, Mr. Boy T. Friend."
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"- What did I tell you? - Don't be myself."
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"- Yes. - I love that about our relationship."
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"You never let me be myself."
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"Hey."
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"- Winston. - Hey."
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"- You're back. - Yeah."
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"What are you up to? Where you working at?"
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"Here. As an usher."
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"Hi. What a beautiful dress."
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"I'm surprised you noticed the dress. I was distracted by the woman inside."
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"- Jimmy Longjam, alternate usher. - Alternate usher."
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"- I mean, I'm here. I'm the usher. - You were late. It's called commitment."
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"- Look it up in a typewriter, old man. - What?"
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"- How much do you make? - Where is your mom?"
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"Can somebody help me? - Bride or groom?"
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"Thank you."
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"Oh, no. No, not tonight. No."
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"- Who is that? - Gretchen. She's a terrible person."
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"We can't stand each other. At every wedding, we end up..."
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"We end up having sex."
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"- She's coming over. - There are those people."
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"Oh, what people?"
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"- Hello, Gretchen. Mm-hm."
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"It's got way more stretch in the pants."
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"I'm gonna tie you down and show you pictures of my river rafting trip."
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"- Oh, God, how many are there? - It's a two-hour slideshow."
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"No, Gretchen. We can't do this anymore, okay?"
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"It's not... It's not healthy. All right? Please, no more."
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"There she is. There she is. She's right over there."
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"- Hi. - Hey, Caroline, wow."
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"I didn't know you'd be here. Great to see you."
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"Nicholas, you have to introduce me."
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"Yeah, of course. Jess, this is Caroline."
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"- Hi. - One more time. Cara-lee?"
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"- Caroline. - Caraloo? Coraline?"
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"Caroline."
New Girl
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