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Clips from Veep - Full Disclosure (S01E01)

"-They... -Come on, use your head."
Veep
"You're just making it worse. Get yourself together."
Veep
"Selina, I need some air. And we need to talk."
Veep
"-I'm gonna go. -Okay. Okay."
Veep
"-I want you to stay here. -Okay."
Veep
"I need you to end it with Ted."
Veep
"And just make sure there aren't any repercussions"
Veep
"Um..."
Veep
"-Mmm... Mmm-mmm -Mmm-mmm."
Veep
"No?"
Veep
"No, because I can't run the risk of talking to him again"
Veep
"So I'm not gonna be the dumpee."
Veep
"Okay? He's gonna be the dumpee. So, you've got to go do that."
Veep
"Oh, your house is so nice."
Veep
"Okay."
Veep
"(CHUCKLES)"
Veep
"That's okay."
Veep
"So maybe it's a good thing."
Veep
"That she doesn't want to see you anymore."
Veep
"Oh, ma'am. You've been off radar for over an hour."
Veep
"Did the President ride through on a lion or something?"
Veep
"All right. I don't want to end up with a horse's head in my bed."
Veep
"I just want to know."
Veep
"Hey, you know what? I get fired, it's a big fucking deal."
Veep
"For you, it's early retirement."
Veep
"I just had a senior attorney completely trash my yard."
Veep
"-You okay? -AMY: Yeah, let me get you some coffee."
Veep
"He completely tore it up. I was afraid he was gonna cut my..."
Veep
"You want me to tell you who's getting fired."
Veep
"Let's pretend there's a female farmer"
Veep
"and she's got a horse, a sheep, and a pig, okay?"
Veep
"The pig."
Veep
"Shit. Wait. Who is that?"
Veep
"Did you just sidle?"
Veep
"Look, Selina wants to fire somebody."
Veep
"Obviously, I don't want it to be me."
Veep
"But honestly, I don't want it to be you."
Veep
"Oh, go on. Looking forward to you selling this one to me."
Veep
"If she tries to fire me, you walk and vice versa."
Veep
"Therefore, she can fire neither of us."
Veep
"One condition: I watch you die first and I get to stab you repeatedly to make sure."
Veep
"McLintock wants in on the suicide pact."
Veep
"I did one of these back in the '903 when I worked for Congressman Hartigan."
Veep
"Not with testicles."
Veep
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Veep
"you had talks with Senator Macauley?"
Veep
"What exactly did this email say?"
Veep
"The senator says, 'Thanks, buddy.'"
Veep
"Well, that's hardly incriminating."
Veep
"There's probably more where that came from."
Veep
"I'm getting really good at dacting."
Veep
"-Taking the black off. -Yeah, yeah."
Veep
"Hey, so goofball here can get in on the suicide pact."
Veep
"Well, great. The more the merrier."
Veep
"Team suicide."
Veep
"So what happened with your Hartigan suicide pact?"
Veep
"Okay, kittens. Time to get drowned. Let's go."
Veep
"-Ma'am. -Yeah."
Veep
"Gary, where were you and Selina at lunchtime today?"
Veep
"(LAUGHS) What?"
Veep
"Gary, this is not a competition."
Veep
"Okay, who are the two cousins she never wants to see?"
Veep
"Beverly and Michael."
Veep
"Oh, got lucky there."
Veep
"Basically, I'm infallible, okay?"
Veep
"Like when you bought pregnancy tests for the Veep wearing your staff ID?"
Veep
"Gary, look, a staffer at the Post told me."
Veep
"Huh."
Veep
"That's the exact word that I'd use for this, Mike."
Veep
"High-pathetic."
Veep
"Dan, are you telling me that if I fired either one of these bozos,"
Veep
"(KNOCKING AT DOOR)"
Veep
"Yeah, come in."
Veep
"Oh, Gary, I need Advil."
Veep
"I've got a headache the size of Nebraska."
Veep
"-I'm afraid I can't do that, ma'am. -What is this?"
Veep
"I have loved this job more than I've loved life itself."
Veep
"Gary, what is this?"
Veep
"It's my letter of resignation."
Veep
"Okay, Gary, come on."
Veep
"Is this because your pass was seen at the drugstore?"
Veep
"Is that how the pregnancy story got out?"
Veep
"Who dumped Ted for me today?"
Veep
"-You're welcome. -I appreciate that."
Veep
"My God, resignation completely rejected, all right?"
Veep
"-Would you please get me some ibuprofen? -I'm your rock."
Veep
"-Okay, but I need ibuprofen. -Okay."
Veep
"All right, suicide pact finished, okay?"
Veep
"-You can get out. -Okay."
Veep
"Uh, except you, Ame."
Veep
"I think you kind of know what it means, right?"
Veep
"Um, okay, okay."
Veep
"We could do a piece"
Veep
"in a sympathetic women's magazine about the loss of the baby."
Veep
"Buy you some time and some goodwill."
Veep
"No, you're right. We can't do that."
Veep
"because you were pregnant?"
Veep
"I mean no, no. No, stupid idea."
Veep
"could say"
Veep
"Oh, you mean that would be why you reassigned the Secret Service guy?"
Veep
"'Cause you were feeling too much pressure."
Veep
"Well, yeah. You can mention that."
Veep
"I mean, I can't tell you what to do."
Veep
"But it's really good to hear you're thinking."
Veep
"There have been rumors flying around"
Veep
"about a pregnancy in the Vice President's office."
Veep
"the baby was mine."
Veep
"Was yours?"
Veep
"when I made the decision to reassign Mr. Collins."
Veep
"-AMY: Mmm. -Janet, hey. I didn't know you were here."
Veep
"Hey, Amers, going on a muffin run."
Veep
"Can I interest you in a blueberry bran muffin?"
Veep
"-Anybody? -I couldn't. Do you?"
Veep
"-No, I'm fine. Thanks. -Okay. No problem."
Veep
"I will stand down. Peep you later."
Veep
"Do you think you're ready to be back at work?"
Veep
"Sure. Sure, yeah."
Veep
"-DAN: Hey. -Hi."
Veep
"We're getting a little lunch from the deli."
Veep
"Wondered if you wanted anything special from the menu."
Veep
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