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Clips from Veep - Full Disclosure (S01E01)

"-Oh. -Back facials? What?"
Veep
"Yeah, I get back acne. Backne."
Veep
"Uh, yeah, sure. We can do that."
Veep
"Got a plan. Oh, uh, Dan."
Veep
"Can I talk to you just for a quick sec?"
Veep
"-Yeah. -You want me to stay?"
Veep
"Did I ask you to stay?"
Veep
"Thank you."
Veep
"anything about the Macauley amendment you need..."
Veep
"had anything to do with that amendment,"
Veep
"which went against the President's wishes and policy,"
Veep
"but I do know that I can't know what you know or you don't know."
Veep
"Okay, good."
Veep
"(SIGHING) Oh, fuck."
Veep
"You okay, ma'am?"
Veep
"Yeah, Ame, listen."
Veep
"(CHUCKLES)"
Veep
"Oh, yeah, thanks."
Veep
"What is that..."
Veep
"Processing information."
Veep
"The nod of my head is like I'm buffering."
Veep
"Oh, well, once you're done buffering,"
Veep
"what is it that you're thinking?"
Veep
"What do you mean?"
Veep
"Like the thrill of the whole power thing wore off."
Veep
"And now he just doesn't like what's..."
Veep
"Doesn't like what?"
Veep
"Maybe he just doesn't really..."
Veep
"-See, I didn't mean that... -It's okay."
Veep
"You've got to put black marker over all the words."
Veep
"Abby, you may have to pull an all-nighter"
Veep
"We can do this."
Veep
"I'll get it."
Veep
"I know, who'd have thought transparent government"
Veep
"would take up so much of your field of vision?"
Veep
"(CHUCKUNG)"
Veep
"You got that?"
Veep
"It's imperative to me being here."
Veep
"You ever been in the line of fire, Mike?"
Veep
"I was there. No fire as I recall."
Veep
"No, but the line was there."
Veep
"So how's the placement over at Arlington Cemetery going?"
Veep
"What do you want, Mr. McLintock?"
Veep
"You think I'm the whistle-blower."
Veep
"I was fucking transferred for nothing."
Veep
"Security guys are supposed to be like wallpaper."
Veep
"Okay, uh..."
Veep
"The Times are saying we're trying to hide stuff by causing a deluge."
Veep
"They're calling it an e-nami."
Veep
"Is anybody picking up on the back facials?"
Veep
"DAN: NO."
Veep
"Hey, give me a J!"
Veep
"Hi, everybody."
Veep
"Washington Post. Page 17."
Veep
"You've disclosed an email containing birthday gift suggestions"
Veep
"for an unnamed White House aide."
Veep
"Suggestion number one: a cake in the shape of a dick."
Veep
"(ALL CHUCKLING)"
Veep
"Suggestion number two: a smart new hat"
Veep
"in the shape of a dick."
Veep
"That made it in there!"
Veep
"JONAH: Everybody knows this is me, guys."
Veep
"Oh, everybody? Really?"
Veep
"Yes, everybody."
Veep
"-(PHONE RINGING) -And they are whispering, Dick cake."
Veep
"No, who is D.C.?"
Veep
"Oh, for fuck's sake. Is this Ryan?"
Veep
"MIKE: Oh, no, no, no! AMY: What?"
Veep
"Every time Ted stayed overnight at the residence has been fully disclosed."
Veep
"Oh, Ted's gonna love that."
Veep
"What? Oh, come on."
Veep
"Mike, can't you make me not have been pregnant?"
Veep
"-God! -You see?"
Veep
"This is what happens when you tell the truth. Nothing good comes of it."
Veep
"-Right now? -Yeah."
Veep
"by insulting the man and calling him an ape."
Veep
"Who’s responsible for this deranged campaign?"
Veep
"POTUS Will not like this."
Veep
"This is going to cause a total POTAL meltdown."
Veep
"Yeah, why don't you run along and see if you can suck your own cake?"
Veep
"Yet again we find ourselves in an office"
Veep
"Exactly. We are gonna fire someone."
Veep
"Who is it gonna be, huh?"
Veep
"Oh, Sue. (CHUCKLES)"
Veep
"That's funny, you guys."
Veep
"You three are important enough."
Veep
"Ma'am, I just want to say I promise to do everything I can"
Veep
"to fix Amy's botched full disclosure policy and Mike's security blunder."
Veep
"-Gary. -Hmm?"
Veep
"I need some sort of a discreet place"
Veep
"where I can have a rendezvous with Ted, please."
Veep
"-Where nobody goes. -Yes, ma'am."
Veep
"Thank you. All right. (CLEARS THROAT)"
Veep
"You may leave my office now."
Veep
"-Shut? -Of course shut!"
Veep
"Oh, lord."
Veep
"Oh, did you put a dash of..."
Veep
"Honey in the rose hip? Yes, ma'am."
Veep
"I put a little Fig Newton there for you as well."
Veep
"(SIRENS BLARING)"
Veep
"-(SIGHS) -What? Okay."
Veep
"-I'm sorry for the inconvenience. -Another one."
Veep
"-Press is up my ass. -Oh, so, okay, great."
Veep
"Then you know exactly what my world is like."
Veep
"No, bullshit. I don't have a Mike, an Amy, or fucking Dan."
Veep
"Oh, do you want them? You can have them."
Veep
"I'll give you a fucking deal on all three of them, too, if you want."
Veep
"That's a nice way to treat people."
Veep
"-Well, that's how I feel. -Here we go."
Veep
"-You don't have to be snarky about this. -(PHONE RINGING)"
Veep
"-Oh, my fucking lord! -(METAL CLATTERING)"
Veep
"You really need to calm down, okay?"
Veep
"-Sorry, Gary. -GARY: That's okay."
Veep
"-Ted, come on. I love to fuck you in private. -(PHONE RINGING)"
Veep
"Hey, you know what? Thanks for returning my call."
Veep
"The message was, Please don't fucking call me again."
Veep
"Right? So why don't you just take your beak and shove it up some corpse's ass?"
Veep
"-Who are you talking to? -Okay, you vulture motherfucker?"
Veep
"-Was that a journalist? -Yes."
Veep
"What are you doing, Ted? You can't tell him to fuck his mother."
Veep
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