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Clips from The Boondocks - Early Bird Special (S04E04)

"I guess there is something to volunteering."
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"Aw, no! You spendin' money on a date"
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"and we sitting here eating air sandwiches?"
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"I'm not going on a date."
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"I'll have you know I got a job."
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"Lots of important jobs..."
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"Valet and pimps."
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"Which one are you?"
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"Hush. Don't worry about what I am."
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"Know what you should be worrying about?"
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"Hello, lil' niggers."
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"Well, go on."
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"Get out there and sell that shriveled-up monkey dick."
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"See you in the morning, ho man."
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"Huh?"
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"Ruckus, I'm not a whore man. I'm an escort."
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"Escort? Ha! Let me break down "escort" for you."
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"Webster's Dictionary will tell you"
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"an escort is a smart, pretty white woman who,"
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"to care for her adorable kids."
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"You, my nigger, is a ho."
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"Granddad! That's your job... hoin'?"
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"You're sleeping with dudes?"
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"Hell, no! I'm escorting ladies."
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"Well, that's all right, then."
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"Actually, that's kind of gangsta."
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"You were supposed to get a real job."
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"This is a real job."
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"I don't see what the big deal is."
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"The big deal?!"
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"The big deal is that women would pay to [beep] you!"
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"Nigger, you know you would [beep] anything for free."
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"Granddad, you're not really gonna do this?"
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"Know what I'm not gonna do?"
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"Be late for my first date."
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"Nothin' wrong with sex. That's how we all got here."
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"It's fun, and if you can get paid for it, better."
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"That's the exact sex talk I was gonna have with you in two years."
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"Now excuse me."
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"Time for granddad to give the ladies what they need."
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"Mm. Ohh."
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"This is exactly what I needed."
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"God, I should have signed up for more than three hours."
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"- Her? - No."
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"- Her? - No!"
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"And what about her?"
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"No, Marge Simpson's not prettier than you, either!"
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"You're prettier than tonight's entire lineup and all of basic cable!"
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"Oh, thank you."
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"Yes! Yes!"
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"Oh, God, I've been so lonely!"
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"Oh, yes! Cuddle me harder!"
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"Ohh."
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"I'm supposed to be getting used for sex."
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"I'm getting less sex than before."
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"That last date, Vanessa..."
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"That's her again, damn it!"
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"She calls me..."
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"just to see what I'm doing."
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"Lord, a ho can't be a blessin' if you don't give him lessons."
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"Grab a computer. Pull the stats on Vanessa."
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"Give me that computer!"
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"Um... Robert, I'm gonna need you to put on your big-boy pants"
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"and listen real careful."
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"First, women don't pay for dangle."
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"Even I can go to a club and roll out with some free dick for the night."
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"What you're doing for our women is bigger than that."
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"Pulled up Vanessa."
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"No kids, 39."
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"She found our ad in the back of that book,"
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""think like a dude 'cause your lonely black ass"
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"Of course you did."
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"She read the book twice 'cause she didn't have a date."
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"This is truly the horrible nigger millennium..."
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"times when even the skinny white "Sex and the City" bitches"
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"can't find a good man for six seasons."
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"Now, if them bitches got a man cold... ha!"
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"Our women got a man flu!"
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"And we keep them on antibiotics"
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"by doubling down on the bad nigger news."
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"Boss, here's our stat for the day."
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"A black woman is more likely to die in a tanning-salon fire than find true love."
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"You see? You're making these lonely black women feel loved,"
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"and that feeling is the most powerful [beep] drug in the world."
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"Keep shoving that [beep] in Vanessa's veins..."
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"she'll keep you paid forever."
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"But I don't want forever!"
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"Mow you go blow love smoke up Vanessa's black ass and get my money."
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"Mm-hmm."
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"- What the... - Mm-mmm!"
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"Want me to make you a plate?"
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"How the hell did you get into my house?"
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"Well, our first date went so well,"
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"I upgraded to the "if I catch you looking at another bitch,"
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"the one that comes with a house key."
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"Who wants dessert?"
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"We do! I mean, I do."
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"Oh, don't look at me."
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"I kept trying to lock the door."
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"She's one of my clients."
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"Look at you, bringing work home."
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"Very unniggardly of you, Robert."
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"Shut up, Ruckus. We got to get her out."
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"Boy, that is a powerful request."
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"Them big-thigh black ones just like bedbugs."
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"Once they're in, you got to damn near burn your whole house down to get 'em out."
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"Okay, I do have one solution"
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"even more powerful than pouring water on their hair."
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"Huh?"
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"- About time we toss this one, too. - Hey!"
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"And this one!"
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"Man, please, please, can we keep her, granddad?!"
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"You can't throw away my old shirts!"
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"But if we don't get rid of your ugly clothes, where will I put my clothes?"
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"In your house!"
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"You know I sold my house to pay for you."
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"Damn! She used real sweet potatoes."
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"Okay. Instruct me on what you expect at night"
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"tell you you look better without makeup,"
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"a couple of "I'll kill myself if you leave me"?"
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