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Clips from Peep Show - Wedding (S02E02)

"And now we're going to stay married"
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"not brutally honestly."
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"I'm not sick but I'm not well"
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"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
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"'On the plus side, she's obviously confident I'm not a potential murderer.'"
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"Listen, Jez, honey, I..."
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"I need to talk to you about something. About us."
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"- Yeah? - Jez, I've got a biggie to ask you."
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"- Would you consider marrying me? - Yes!"
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"yes!"
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"I know a couple of gay guys who'd be up for it but..."
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"Oh, Nancy, don't marry those gays. Marry me."
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"Honey, you understand this would just be an administrative procedure, right?"
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"Exactly."
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"Apparently there's an outtake where this extra gets piked and you can see all the..."
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"Jez, you're cleaning the bathroom."
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"'Why?! Sex slavery? Murder clear-up? '"
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"See, if it's all right with you, which I'm sure it will be, Nancy's moving in."
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"She is?"
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"Mmm. As an actual precursor to us getting married. On Friday."
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"- You're getting married?! - That's right."
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"- Why? - Well, because we love each other."
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"Also, partially, for visa reasons."
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"Don't you think... Nancy, isn't she using you... a bit?"
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"I was gonna ask you to be best man but, actually, maybe I should ask Super Hans."
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"Yeah, well, sure, if that's the way you feel, maybe you should."
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"Cocaine, Mark, cocaine."
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"I'll do the buttons, you do the answers."
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"Listen, I wanted to have a chat about Nancy."
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"So you agree it's a terrible..."
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"Correct. She's got trouble written through her like a stick of Brighton rock."
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"So I thought we could split them up. Maybe you could tell him you got off with her."
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"Fucking hell, that's a bit strong. Where might you find a dipthong?"
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"- It's an element of speech. - Where might you find one?"
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"Urban myth."
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"- This is for the jackpot. - Of course I'll back you up."
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"- What kind of animal was Rikki Tikki Tavi? - A mongoose."
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"- Piss off, he's a little rat. - He was a mongoose."
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"- Rat! - Mongoose!"
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"See! Told you."
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"Thanks so much for sorting me out with this, Toni."
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"It's practically a closed shop."
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"Oh, I love this!"
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"might move that to there."
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"That's not terribly important really, Toni."
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"Jez, I've seen Love Story. I know how it ends, yeah?"
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"Nice. And how's your love life?"
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""Love life" may be a grandiose term for staring at women on the bus."
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"Oh, what about her? I know her, she's a friend of Nancy's."
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"- Hi, Karen! - Sophie, be quiet!"
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"- You like her. - I don't necessarily like her."
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"Yes you do. Go and tell her you like her hair."
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"You do realise it's me you're talking to, not an Italian builder?"
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"Sophie, no! No, Sophie, no, don't!"
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"'Oh, God, this is terrible."
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"'Maybe it'll go really well and I'll have a double wedding with Jeremy on Friday."
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"'Must... think... words, funny words.'"
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"- Hi there. - Hi, hi."
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"Mark Corrigan."
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"'Too formal. Lighten things up."
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"'Light, not slimy!"
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"No danger, my friend, no danger! Just a load of old mates in the boozer loving it!"
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"Oh, yeah. Jez, listen... Oi, oi, tequila slammers!"
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"Three, two, one, lift-off!"
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"- Mate, aren't you gonna slam? - I don't drink, it's a Buddhist thing."
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"Come on, it's a stag night. You gotta slam on a stag night. Slam, slam!"
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"Come on, you said it. She's Yoko, remember?"
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"- Yeah? - Yeah, it's about Nancy."
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"I know you two aren't doing it,"
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"and it must've got to her, cos..."
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"the other day,"
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"while I was having a widdle."
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"Yeah. Not just as, obviously, but, er, right after."
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"I didn't want to - she's obviously into that sort of thing."
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"Anyway, Mark saw the whole thing."
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"Yep. I wouldn't've believed it, but I saw the whole darn shooting match."
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"'Fraid so. Definitely."
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"Fuck, I can't believe she'd do something like that."
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"Jez, cheer up, you'll get over her."
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"How could she do something like that to me? God..."
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"I really love her."
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"What am I gonna do?"
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"- Jez? - Yeah?"
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"a joke."
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"She didn't suck his widdle. It was a put-on."
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"Yeah. We stagged ya,"
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"good and proper."
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"You got me all right."
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"Yeah... brilliant."
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"- She looks lovely, doesn't she? - Yeah."
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"Tony, if you'd like to bang her, why don't you just say it?"
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"OK. I would like to bang her."
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"Just one thing before we start."
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"To be different, when I'm meant to say "I do," I want to say "Do I.""
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"You should've spoken to someone about this before."
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"No, but "Do I?" as in "Do I?!""
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"Do you take Nancy as your wife"
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"and promise to walk by her side for ever"
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"as her best friend, her lover and her soul mate?"
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"I do."
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"Hi. Jez, I've got great news."
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"The health club called - the receptionist job?"
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"See you later, Mrs Osborne."
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"Health club interview. It's a biggie."
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"Anyway... on with the wedding."
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"Jez, you all right?"
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"Super Hans has taken four grams of coke to relax him for his speech."
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"It didn't relax him?"
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"Maybe you were right, Mark."
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"This wedding's all wrong. It's against God and man and the rule of law and nature."
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"Listen, it's your special day,"
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"So... ladies and gentlemen,"
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"but then perhaps that's appropriate, since this isn't a proper wedding..."
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"or so the cynics may say."
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""Listen, cynics, this is the modern world,"
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""doesn't mean it's not brilliant.""
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"In Ancient Rome, they had Cupid."
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"Love is blind."
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"Oh. OK."
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""Good luck with the marriage.""
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