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Clips from The Mick - Pilot (S01E01)

"Well, that didn't happen,"
The Mick
"Look, pal, next time he gives you crap,"
The Mick
"yank his pants down and point at his tiny pecker."
The Mick
"That'll do it."
The Mick
"You're insane, okay?"
The Mick
"He-He'll pound me."
The Mick
"No! Humor trumps violence."
The Mick
"Trust me, girls want the funny guy."
The Mick
"Mackenzie."
The Mick
"- Ah! Oh. - I thought that was you."
The Mick
"Liz, Poodle's friend."
The Mick
"- Mm-hmm. - How are you managing with the kids?"
The Mick
"Sabrina can be a bit of a handful."
The Mick
"No, she's been very helpful."
The Mick
"I don't know how I'd manage without her."
The Mick
"Well, I got to run."
The Mick
"Make sure you get some sleep, you look tired."
The Mick
"- Bye, hon. - Bye, hon."
The Mick
"That woman is a real see you next Tuesday."
The Mick
"What happens on Tuesday?"
The Mick
"Tacos."
The Mick
"Two-dollar drink specials."
The Mick
"I miss Mommy and Daddy."
The Mick
"Well..."
The Mick
"I'll tell you what, kid."
The Mick
"Why don't you pop on up front?"
The Mick
"You are playing hooky today. Come on."
The Mick
"But what if I miss something important?"
The Mick
"Like what? How to roll your boogers between your fingers"
The Mick
"till they disappear?"
The Mick
"I am hungover."
The Mick
"What's hungover?"
The Mick
"Well,"
The Mick
"you know, it's, like..."
The Mick
"you know when you eat a whole bunch of candy?"
The Mick
"Sweet stuff, and at the time it feels great,"
The Mick
"but then the next day you got, like, a tummy ache?"
The Mick
"Uh-huh."
The Mick
"Have you tried pooping?"
The Mick
"Sometimes that makes my tummy feel better."
The Mick
"I have not. But I will definitely"
The Mick
"Uh, hey, Ben, you hungry?"
The Mick
"You, uh, feeling like having some ice cream?"
The Mick
"Yeah, well, I got news for you, pal."
The Mick
"Your mom is just projecting her own eating disorders onto you."
The Mick
"What's projecting?"
The Mick
"Great question. Projecting, that's, like,"
The Mick
"when something's wrong with you, but you think something's"
The Mick
"- wrong with somebody else. - Hey. Fire!"
The Mick
"- What? What? - Fire! Help!"
The Mick
"Oh, yeah. Somebody get that."
The Mick
"Hey! Here you go, buddy, dig in."
The Mick
"Why didn't we pay for it?"
The Mick
"I don't have any money."
The Mick
"Why not?"
The Mick
"Some people have less money than others."
The Mick
"Why?"
The Mick
"Look, pal. I'm not gonna just stop the whole day and explain"
The Mick
"the ins and outs of the economy to you, all right, now?"
The Mick
"'Cause it's boring, okay?"
The Mick
"And also 'cause I don't totally have a firm grasp on it myself."
The Mick
"Well, I would have paid for you."
The Mick
"You are so sweet."
The Mick
"Now, don't you go breaking your piggy bank open."
The Mick
"Is that... is that a Black Card?"
The Mick
"What's up?"
The Mick
"What is that gross bird doing in this house?"
The Mick
"I stole him from school. I just couldn't watch him"
The Mick
"- be treated like that anymore, you know? - Oh, yes. Yes."
The Mick
"I'm sure he's much happier here listening to thumping techno"
The Mick
"with your moron friends."
The Mick
"Control your animal!"
The Mick
"Relax. I'm gonna liberate him in a wildlife preserve"
The Mick
"near Stratford."
The Mick
"Are you insane? Take him back to school right this second,"
The Mick
"before you get busted."
The Mick
"Oh, great!"
The Mick
"What happened to you?"
The Mick
"I'll tell you what happened."
The Mick
"and violence won by a landslide."
The Mick
"Well, clearly you didn't do it right."
The Mick
"Did you remember to laugh at his tiny penis?"
The Mick
"That part's pretty important."
The Mick
"It was humongous!"
The Mick
"I'm lucky he didn't beat me with it."
The Mick
"Sabrina, can you please try and think for a second?"
The Mick
"Well, I don't... I give terrible advice!"
The Mick
"- Everybody knows that. - Look at me!"
The Mick
"I'm grotesque."
The Mick
"- I'm gonna sue his ass. - For what?"
The Mick
"Battery."
The Mick
"And then I'm going to sue the school for negligence."
The Mick
"Okay. Pipe down, all right? You're not"
The Mick
"Oh, yeah? Watch me!"
The Mick
"Now what?"
The Mick
"What do you want?"
The Mick
"Just checking in. You don't strike me as much of a cook,"
The Mick
"- so I brought you a casserole. - Oh, you are so,"
The Mick
"so sweet."
The Mick
"Oh! Shoot."
The Mick
"You did that on purpose."
The Mick
"- Mm-hmm. - Oh, my, what did you"
The Mick
"He got pounded at school for checking out some kid's wiener."
The Mick
"Now Steffi thinks I'm a joke"
The Mick
"and Geno's got the raddest freaking dong in school."
The Mick
"Okay."
The Mick
"Mickey, can I have some more ice cream?"
The Mick
"Oh, oh!"
The Mick
"That's it. I'm calling the cops."
The Mick
"Get your hands off me. Lady, I haven't even begun to put hands on you."
The Mick
"- Afternoon, ladies. - Oh, you again."
The Mick
"- Is everything okay? - Officer, this woman assaulted me."
The Mick
"Number one, that is ludicrous. Number two, this man"
The Mick
"is an officer of nothing."
The Mick
"She's a danger to these children."
The Mick
"You know what? Why don't you both get"
The Mick
"- out of my house? - It's not your house."
The Mick
"Can I see some identification?"
The Mick
"I'm not showing you dick. Sabrina?"
The Mick
"Don't you go anywhere. I am not done talking to you."
The Mick
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