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Clips from American Dad! (2005) - Comedy (S01E01)

"Don't you want some of Fred's stuff? It's not contagious."
American Dad! (2005)
"The invitations will self-destruct in three seconds."
American Dad! (2005)
"Is there any other announcement you wanna make?"
American Dad! (2005)
"No, we're not. You never challenge me. You just always agree with me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Because there'll be food and my boss likes to wipe his mouth on swans."
American Dad! (2005)
"I can't do swans. I don't know why."
American Dad! (2005)
"If the whole CIA is at this carnival, who's out there undermining democracy?"
American Dad! (2005)
"When we get there, keep your liberal pie-hole shut. My promotion depends on it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Honestly, what does Hayley have to do with you getting a promotion?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah, it should. But we don't live in Shouldland."
American Dad! (2005)
"and the Shouldland High team gets their asses kicked"
American Dad! (2005)
"We're going to the carnival."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're worthless! Clear!"
American Dad! (2005)
"What have we here? Secret White House bunker?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Everyone knows the CIA invented crack and introduced it to the inner city,"
American Dad! (2005)
"Attention! The boring-suit contest is about to begin."
American Dad! (2005)
"I guess those scanners can't detect half-baked political ideology."
American Dad! (2005)
"Go play Ultimate Frisbee with your drum circle and leave politics to the adults."
American Dad! (2005)
"You know, I actually don't play Frisbee."
American Dad! (2005)
"Pretending my life is a DVD and it's the director's commentary."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, sorry, Steve. I thought we were going down low."
American Dad! (2005)
"and I picked up your prescription of Viagra."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hayley! Oh, you must have come over to apologise."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, OK."
American Dad! (2005)
"No, I'm not OK. You slept with my dau..."
American Dad! (2005)
"We met for coffee and, well, I know it's crazy, but I like him."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, of course."
American Dad! (2005)
"You know that nuclear peace treaty you sent over? Well, listen to this..."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, oh. It is on. Meet me at the border at three o'clock."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hayley told me she's dating Bullock. Did you know about this?"
American Dad! (2005)
"It was made by Rick Baker and cost $70,000."
American Dad! (2005)
"He's 40 years older than her and he's your boss."
American Dad! (2005)
"and not my boss - and today that woman is my wife."
American Dad! (2005)
"You need to stand up for yourself. I want a man who's strong and decisive..."
American Dad! (2005)
"I thought a blanket party would do the trick, but I guess we'll have to do this the hard way."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Once again. This is an apple. - OK."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Now, this is an apple. - No, it's not."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say "no"? Right. This is not an apple. Good."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I can't breathe! - Plenty of air here. I'm filling my lungs now."
American Dad! (2005)
"Are you familiar with a TV show called Fear Factor?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Ever do it with a stripper? They're psycho bitches."
American Dad! (2005)
"I am not spending an entire afternoon with this polarizing figure. I'm going home."
American Dad! (2005)
"You stood up to me! Now you're the kind of man Hayley wants. Congratulations!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Thank you for taking care of it."
American Dad! (2005)
"- God, I can see his junk. - Why hasn't Jeff made his move?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Forget Jeff. You were meant to talk to Bullock."
American Dad! (2005)
"Francine, get out."
American Dad! (2005)
"Your promotion."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Oh, my God. Really? - Congratulations, Smith."
American Dad! (2005)
"I got the promotion, Francine!"
American Dad! (2005)
"Yes, but you lost my respect. You're not the man I married."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hello, Israel? Yeah, this is your neighbour Syria."
American Dad! (2005)
"I know we got off on the wrong foot,"
American Dad! (2005)
"but I thought we could spend the day together at Six Flags Istanbul."
American Dad! (2005)
"the new Deputy-Deputy Director of the CIA."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hayley! Hayley, no! Don't do this to me!"
American Dad! (2005)
"The senators are waiting, sir. Just say my name."
American Dad! (2005)
"just as soon as you do one last thing for me."
American Dad! (2005)
"So you'd better learn how to clean a motorcycle. End of conversation!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- And sometimes you do talk too much. - Yes, I do."
American Dad! (2005)
"Get back together with my boss and everyone lives."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hello, Argentina? Is your refrigerator running?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Cool."
American Dad! (2005)
"Cool."
American Dad! (2005)
"- An otter? - Bigger."
American Dad! (2005)
"A dolphin? No, that's stupid. We're in the woods."
American Dad! (2005)
"No, this is perfect. If it's Argentina, tell them you're New Zealand."
American Dad! (2005)
"- There's the car! - Finally."
American Dad! (2005)
"I owe you a sugar cube."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I don't know you. - Oh, I'm sorry. Jeff Fischer."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, I'm hungry. This guy rode me like an animal for three hours."
American Dad! (2005)
"This is for disrespecting my daughter! And this is for not letting me stop for a drink!"
American Dad! (2005)
"is the same man who was in the microfilm-eating contest at the CIA carnival."
American Dad! (2005)
"A tragic story: the actor who was supposed to play the cook,"
American Dad! (2005)
"for if you couldn't stand up for your daughter, how could you stand up for your country?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Thank you, sir. - A massive success. My only regret?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I gotta say, Dad, I never expected you to defend my honour."
American Dad! (2005)
"so we had to add this sappy ending."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's very disappointing."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Hang in there. You're gonna beat this. - We're rooting for ya."
American Dad! (2005)
"Remember: terminal, fatal, inoperable... Just words."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Hole punch is mine! - Dibs on his medical marijuana!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- I'm getting the biggest prize. - His wife?"
American Dad! (2005)
"His job. I've been working Bullock for that promotion since Fred's first nosebleed."
American Dad! (2005)
"Here are the invitations to the annual CIA family carnival."
American Dad! (2005)
"Done."
American Dad! (2005)
"Still better than my wife's cooking, eh?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm pooping blood tonight."
American Dad! (2005)
"Perhaps something about me taking over for ol' high white-cell count Fred?"
American Dad! (2005)
"It's in the works. In the meantime, I have an urgent mission for you."
American Dad! (2005)
"Whatever it takes, sir."
American Dad! (2005)
"Real urgent mission."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's Bullock. Two I's."
American Dad! (2005)
"God, it's so beautiful out here I wanna weep."
American Dad! (2005)
"What? But, but we're so good together."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're right. I so do that. But I can change."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Goodbye, Jeff. - Good call, babe. You can do better!"
American Dad! (2005)
"It's just a CIA carnival. Why are we folding napkins?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- What the hell is this? - Metrosexual soccer icon David Beckham."
American Dad! (2005)
"The FBI pulls a double shift."
American Dad! (2005)
"Shouldland, where clean-cut kids cruise Shouldland Boulevard,"
American Dad! (2005)
"by their cross-town rival, Reality-Check Tech."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, cool. A germ-warfare booth!"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Aw, Mom. - Quit coddling the boy."
American Dad! (2005)
"Just sprinkle a little Cipro on his hot dog. He'll be fine."
American Dad! (2005)
"Come on, sweetheart. Don't be afraid."
American Dad! (2005)
"Secret Halliburton bunker? Satan?"
American Dad! (2005)
"but what we never get credit for is malt liquor."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yes, that was us."
American Dad! (2005)
"Oh, no! Keep walking, keep walking."
American Dad! (2005)
"Deputy Director Bullock, you're looking well."
American Dad! (2005)
"Sir, you remember Hayley, my son's sister."
American Dad! (2005)
"Of course. I'm surprised they let you through security."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're lucky. As a cockroach, you'll survive the nuclear war"
American Dad! (2005)
"you're working so hard to incite."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I've already forgotten what she just said. - That's right, run along."
American Dad! (2005)
"Come back here, I want you to call my boss and apologise."
American Dad! (2005)
"Like hell I will. That fascist started it!"
American Dad! (2005)
"I love the passion in her performance."
American Dad! (2005)
"Unbelievable. I'm this close to a promotion"
American Dad! (2005)
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