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Clips from The Cleveland Show - Pilot (S01E01)

"And that is how I got Lisa Minelli's"
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"poop on my shoe."
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"Oh my God, I've never seen a black guy cry before."
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"Do it, Brian. It's the only way I'm going to catch that bird."
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"Here it comes, light it!"
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"I'm sorry."
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"Well, then I guess we're going to have to find a new Ringo."
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"- That sounds gay. - Gays are smart."
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"Nowdays, the way the ladies are all grooming themselves,"
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"- with his friends first. - It's all right, I enjoy your company."
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"We're divorced."
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"I guess there is."
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"- at Donna Tubbs' house. - Wait a minute dad."
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"I don't even know why I told you about that."
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""Oh, I can keep a secret daddy"."
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"Hey, I ain't gotta go to school no more."
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"It happens."
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"I was going to the library to get him some new books."
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"This less convincing than the time I had to use the bathroom at R. Kelly's house."
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"A-a-a... flush?"
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"So, coach Torres office said they'd reemboursed me"
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"- Be back by ten! - I'll be back whenever I want."
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"or even a piece of balled-up newspaper?"
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"not 10:01,"
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"Great! Have fun, kids! Don't drink too many sodas!"
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"And I don't trust Roberta either. But I don't know what to do..."
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"I'm just kidding!"
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"# Hey Donna! # # Hey Cleveland! #"
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"Hey, ladies!"
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"You know what you proved to me?"
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"- We're not getting a peroqueet. - I'd get you one if you wanted it."
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"We're leaving first thing in the morning."
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"I got some packing to do."
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"Maybe check out Dolly Parton's birthplace."
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"Didn't you tell me that sometimes, you have to take chances in life"
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"Oh, baby, it feels so right to be back in this house with you,"
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"- the cable TV... - Excuse me?"
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"Do you even know what grades they're in?"
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"But... What about your dream?"
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"You're my dream. You always have been."
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"I have been waiting 25 years to hear you say that, Cleveland Brown."
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"The Cleveland Show s01e01"
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"- Hey, what's your problem, Cleveland? - I just had a terrible day."
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"OK... What happened?"
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"My divorce was finalize and I lost the house to Loretta!"
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"I just hope you guys can't get more pissed off."
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"Where are you going to live?"
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"I don't know. Quagmire, could I stay on your gross couch?"
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"I need that for humping strangers."
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"How about you, Joe? Can I stay at your house?"
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"- No. - I understand."
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"Plus, it's not just me. I also got custody of Cleveland Jr."
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"What is he, 14 years-old now?"
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"He aged faster than Kathleen Turner."
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"Good news Kathleen, you've been offered the leading role on a new feature."
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"- What part? - What else?"
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"The Babe."
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"The Babe seems to be calling this shot."
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"Dad, when am I gonna get hair around my grits?"
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"You'll get there, Cleveland Jr. But right now, we've got bigger problems than that."
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"Your mom wants this house by tomorrow at sundown!"
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"- Where are we going to go? - Exactly!"
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"- Exactly who? - It's ain't not not joke!"
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"- Light it. - Peter, I don't want to do this."
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"Darn it, that's it! No more."
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"I'm tired of being kicked around by this world!"
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"- It's alright. - I tried to stop him..."
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"I don't blame you, Brian. You're a dog! A dog!"
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"Hello everyone. Thank you all for coming."
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"Cleveland Jr. and I are moving to California."
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"So I can persue my lifelong dream of being a minor league scout"
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"for a professional baseball organization."
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"Who's gonna run that daily you never go to?"
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"When you sell boar's head, it pretty much runs itself."
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"Joe Torre who coached the Yankees for four World's Championships"
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"was your old batting instructor and this is the first we're hearing of it?"
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"You see? This is exactly why I'm leaving."
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"Nobody never asks anything about what Cleveland's got going on."
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"But if Peter wants to put together a new A-Team,"
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"or overthrow a British pub, or recreate all the old damn Star Wars movies,"
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"I'm expected to jump on board, no questions asked!"
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"Well... gosh, Cleveland! We're going to miss you!"
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"Is there anything you need before you go?"
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"You think you and Bonnie could kiss each other just once?"
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"I don't know..."
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"We might need some champagne..."
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"That's the first time I have ever asked for anything I really wanted!"
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"Touch... touch nipples..."
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"Well, this is it..."
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"I didn't think it was going to be so hard. Goodbye, kids."
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"- Bye, Mister Cleveland. - Bye, chocolate people."
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"Quagmire... Joe... Don't you go drink any beers without me!"
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"- I know you will. - Take care of yourself."
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"Bye, chocolate people."
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"- Goodbye, Peter. - Don't say Goodbye!"
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"The French say "Au revoir"."
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"Touch... Touch nipples..."
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"What the hell! He's getting his own show?"
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"# My name is Cleveland Brown #"
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"# and I am proud to be #"
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"# right back in my hometown #"
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"# with my new family #"
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"# There's old friends, and new friends, and even a bear #"
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"# Through good times, and bad times, that's true love we share #"
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"# And so I found a place where everyone will know #"
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"# my happy mustached face this is the Cleveland show! #"
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"www.u-sub.net"
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"Dad, are you sure moving to California is the right decision for us?"
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"It's pretty hard to steal 2nd if your foot's still on 1st."
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"It means you've got to take chances in life to find true happiness."
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"Just look at how many lines Gene Hackman has been able"
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"to memorize over the years."
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"Hey, look where we are!"
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"Wait a minute, what are we doing in Virginia?"
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"I have a surprise for you, Cleveland Jr."
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"We're going to stop off for a day or two in my old hometown."
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"Okay, but we're out of sandwich cookies."
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"Not about is all Oreos has gone? Damn!"
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"There used to be so much hot fur walking around here."
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"I don't even know what you'd call it."
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