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Clips from Arrested Development - Altar Egos (S01E01)

"Maybe we'll meet a couple young coeds along the way."
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"- How young is too young for you? - That's not gonna happen, okay?"
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"There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't gonna be any magic."
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"It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you."
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"- And you don't even realize it. - Michael, I'm a magi..."
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"You're not dressed yet? I thought you were working for me today at the office."
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"We're not Orthodox. But don't worry about it."
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"Kitty's coming back, and it's just in time."
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"Although she's caused nothing but problems since she's worked for me."
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"- [Phone Ringing] - Kitty, isn't that your phone?"
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"No, I'm on the phone with your dad. That one's your line."
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"[Ringing Continues]"
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"[Michael] Kitty, these are not the files I asked for."
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"Oh, then I don't know what I shredded."
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"- No, I have been Googling your father. - So I've heard."
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"[Chuckling]"
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"She's been out for two weeks with this chest thing..."
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"but she's had no problems cashing the checks I've been sending her."
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"Speaking of which, have we gotten anything from Nana?"
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"Buster got a perforated heart and Gob got that receding hairline..."
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"No, I meant in the mail. She usually sends checks for Maeby's birthday."
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"There's been cash coming in? Have you been holding out on me?"
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"No. No, I've been investing it."
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"Let's face it. I'm better with money than you are."
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"- Better at spending it. - Okay, I tell you what."
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"I'll take you down to see Nana if you split the money with me 60/40."
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"- 55/55. - Deal."
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"Sounds like you guys are getting more than you think."
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"We should go now before your dad gets back."
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"[Narrator] In fact, Tobias had gone to prison..."
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"This came at a bad time for George Sr..."
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"a conflict Tobias inadvertently helped him solve."
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"I sold you for a pack of cigarettes."
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"He's like a master's course unto himself."
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"So you think I'm a coward."
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"That's Brian Doyle-Murray."
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"No."
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"What I'm calling you..."
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"is a television actor."
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"Ouch."
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"Remember, she's a very old woman."
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"Is this who I think it is?"
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"[Together] Nana!"
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"A fact that took Lindsay and Maeby an hour and a half to ascertain."
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"- We're not in the photo album! - Drop the pie!"
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"[Panting]"
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"[Narrator] And Michael arrived at work to find Kitty."
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"Hey, Kitty, how are you feeling?"
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"Much better. Man, I was really stuffed up there!"
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"Up here, Michael. Up here."
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"Why'd you have to get sick now? What was the rush?"
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"[Narrator] In fact, it was the previous year's spring break..."
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"that was responsible for Kitty's rush..."
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"[Man] Okay, we got all the good stuffhere."
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"- "Break"? You were just out. - That was my sick leave."
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"- This is vacation. - No, you're not going on vacation."
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"Oh, yes, I absolutely am!"
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"If you need me, I will be at Senor Tadpoles..."
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"- having a margarita made in my mouth. - No, no. Hey."
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"Kitty, there will be no margarita in your mouth."
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"Oh, yes, there absolutely will be a margarita in my mouth!"
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"- Up here, Michael. Up here. - Put the shirt back down and keep on moving."
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"You're fired."
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"I work for your father. You don't have the hiring and firing power."
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"I absolutely do, and you're fired."
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"I don't think your father is gonna be very happy about this."
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"But take a good look, 'cause it's the last time!"
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"That's the seventh nipple I've seen today."
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"[Narrator] And Michael was called to the prison."
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"- First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power. - I do."
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"- And I had to. She's crazy. - That's why you don't fire her."
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"You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy."
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"Dad, she's incompetent. She's completely unprofessional."
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"Look, she just came back from sick leave, uh, with these..."
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"Oh, my God, you paid for those, didn't you?"
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"You should have seen his face when he was begging me not to."
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"Well, he's my twin brother. I can show you."
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"[Crying, Mumbling]"
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"[Laughing]"
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"It was funny. But, you know..."
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"There's enough evidence on this boat to put me away."
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"The only real thing I have..."
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"- You're like a boy. - What's wrong with you?"
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"All these books are cooked!"
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"[Sobbing]"
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"Next time someone threatens me, I may not have a son-in-law to offer."
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"I can't come in here all the t... "Offer"?"
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"I may not have a son-in-law to offer me counseling."
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"You know, he should have stayed a shrink. He's very gifted, you know."
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"[Narrator] In fact, Tobias had even produced a videotape..."
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"For me, Michael. [Crying]"
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"There's just absolutely no purse that will go with this outfit."
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"She just came back from a wonderful costume party that the captain threw."
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"She's up to 74!"
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"[Narrator] In fact, Lucille's mother had been dead for six months."
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"Can you believe that?"
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"Ninety-two years old, and she never tried pesto."
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"[Narrator] Lucille feared that the family would come after the inheritance if they found out."
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"Annyong."
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"[Sighs] Emery board."
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"Isn't he great? And he goes with everything."
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"[Narrator] Meanwhile, Gob was adjusting to a new companion ofhis own."
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"That's not the end of the trick. There's a big surprise coming."
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"Take your T-shirt off, please."
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"What? Oh, you changed the trick. It's a different trick."
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"Gob! Hey, George Michael."
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"If you'll be so kind as to expose your breast, please."
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"Dad, it's misdirection. You're supposed to keep your eye on the shirt in the hat."
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"Get downstairs right now. Come on."
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"- Buddy, what are you doing here? - I'm dying to see how he makes this yacht disappear."
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"He's not going to make the yacht disappear. I told him that."
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"It's driving me crazy. It's like a mind puzzle, an awesome mind puzzle."
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"I gotta get you out of here. You're gonna come work with me at the office."
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"Go wait in the stair car."
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"and I find my son in the middle of a Girls With Low Self-Esteem video."
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"Don't worry. He's gonna be covered with a blue dot. He approached me."
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"And as for Kitty, I think you're crazy to have fired her."
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"Who knows what kind of information she has?"
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"I just want him to love me, you know?"
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"Wow, you get really girlie after, huh?"
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