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Clips from Rick and Morty - Rixty Minutes (S01E01)

"- Cynthia... - Oh, my God! No, no..."
Rick and Morty
"- I told you! - Hold on..."
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"- What? - Yes!"
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"and we'll crap all over that."
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"This shit is delicious."
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"A violent Antiques Show..."
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"- It's a pleasure to have you. - The pleasure's all mine."
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"Letterman from a time line where Jerry's famous..."
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"Glenn, this is a court order. It says you can't eat shit anymore."
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"Amazing. A dimension where all proper nouns begin with "Schmla"."
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"Infinity's a big number, Jerry. I don't remember the channel."
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"- Go back, go back! - Jeez..."
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"You speak da tru-tru."
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"Infinite time lines, infinite possibilities."
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"And cuff me, thank you very much."
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"Wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it?"
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"Now who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows from different dimensions..."
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"and then who wants to narcissistically obsess about their alternate self?"
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"Here. These scan your retinas, and let you view parallel time lines"
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"I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson,"
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"You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. I love doing cocaine with you."
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"- Ahh... uh... Summer's turn! - Finally!"
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"Well, you should select a different timeline,"
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"and it's the official car of Mr. Sneezy 3D."
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"Two brothers. In a van. And then a meteor hit."
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"And you better bet your bottom dollar..."
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"and All Sorts of Things... THE MOVIE!"
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"Old women are coming, and they're also in the movie, and they're gonna come,"
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"they're... they have a strong bond."
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"You don't want to know about it here, but I'll tell you one thing: The moon..."
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"we know you thought there were unturned tables!"
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"Well now you know, you'd be a doctor."
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"Everyone thinks about it."
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"that force themselves to be together instead of being happy."
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"So now what do we do?"
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"They're having fun in there! What do you guys want from me?"
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"Our family just has inter-dimensional goggles"
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"Three... uh... uh, uh, uh, I'll get back to that one..."
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"And you go in another room?"
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"- What? - Oh, my God! It's still the commercial!"
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"- All right, I'm bored. Change it. - Wait wait, Rick! Hold on."
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"See it on the bottom of the screen, below our name."
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"What are you worried about? Come get fake doors"
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"Get in here quick, get out quicker,"
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"Okay, okay, you can change it."
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"You dumb, stupid, weak, pathetic, white, white... uh, uh..."
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"you're pretty mean to me, but that takes the cake."
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"Now give me my [BLEEP] enchiladas!"
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"Sounds a lot like Bill Murray."
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"Bill Murray played in the movie."
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"What do you think? I-I-I-I know everything about everything?"
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"Or?"
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"The act that says that gay... uh... trunk"
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"And I won't be able to..."
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"and then they'll be in my stomach,"
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"I'm... my name is Mister... Top Hat Jones,"
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"Last bite."
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"Oh, now they are all resting comfortably in my stomach."
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"No! Get away from me!"
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"Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!"
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"this is upsetting to me, because I feel"
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"Look, Baby Legs, it's the criminal!"
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"I'm, I-I just learned a real valuable lesson."
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"- We got him! - Hey, that was good team work."
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"Uh, I thought it was cool."
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"I don't give a [BLEEP] what you think, Jerry."
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"I-I-I kind of know how you feel, Summer."
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"No, you don't. You're the little brother."
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"You're just a symptom of it."
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"but a drawing of me you made when you were 8"
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"Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed."
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"...everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV."
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"Mrs. Sullivan always planned to leave everything to her cats."
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"Mrs. Sullivan, I, uh... please forgive me for being forward."
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"This fall... sparks will fly!"
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"There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan."
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"...and 9 cats who break all the rules."
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"Hey Morty, you just missed a preview for your Dad's "Citizen Kane"."
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"Doesn't matter."
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"- ...who would you guys choose? - Doesn't matter."
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"Breaking News: Academy Award-winning actor Jerry Smith"
Rick and Morty
"Where the hell am I going?"
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"- Yeah, I could go for some Ball Fondlers. - Yeah, Ball Fondlers."
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"Ha-ha, Hamster-in-Butt-World Weather is done,"
Rick and Morty
"and now it's sports time, coming up."
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"Not marry me? I choose Veronica."
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"- Called it. - Why would he choose Veronica?"
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"Because he loves her."
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"Well... if it's any consolation, Summer,"
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"You show us your concept of "good TV","
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"It conducts electrons across dimensions."
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"Twenty percent accurate, as usual, Morty."
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"The important thing being I just upgraded"
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"our cable package with programming from every conceivable reality."
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"How about Showtime Extreme in a world where man evolved from corn."
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"Yeah. But one of us is... dead corn!"
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"- Boring. - Summer,"
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"you just spent three months, watching a man choose a fake wife."
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"So what? It'd be better if the people were corn?"
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"Jerry, you don't get it. This is infinite TV,"
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"from infinite universes. Look."
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"A movie about a guy eating shit."
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"I agree. Where is this going?"
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"No, the other thing! Go back!"
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"Really? All right, fine."
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"All right, Jerry, when you're right, you're right. Now I'm hooked."
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"Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss", Shmlony has a nightmare."
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"Shmlantha, Schmlona!"
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"Schmlove, Schmlandula, Schmlonathan..."
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"All right, that got... that actually got old pretty quick."
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"Rick, would you please go back to me on David Letterman?"
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"Oh my God! Dad's in Cloud Atlas!"
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"I'm in Cloud Atlas! What's Cloud Atlas?"
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"Sometimes small tru-tru different than da big tru-tru."
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"How is this possible?"
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"Including a time line where Jerry's a movie star."
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"Look, you guys are getting excited about the wrong aspect of this device."
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"Wa... Look at this."
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"- Here's another Quick Mystery. - My mother's dead!"
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"And I killed her. Here's the weapon."
Rick and Morty
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