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Clips from The Office - Merger (S02E02)

"Oggy!"
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"- Well listen Gareth. I'm senior sales rep, so yes I can. - Team leader beats senior sales rep."
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"Yeah? I got a pay rise. I'm on a new scale. Team leader don't mean anything mate."
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"Excuse me, it means I'm leader of a team."
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"I was sort of David's equivalent in Swindon, and um, doing the same kind of job as him."
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"Obviously my branch closed and now my staff are coming here."
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"So I'm essentially David's boss, looking after him."
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"- For most of the week as I remember. - Doesn't sound like me, does it, Dawn?"
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"Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!"
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"Camilla Parker-Bowles goes, "Ok, we'll play 20 questions."
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"I'll think of something, you have to ask me questions and guess what it is.""
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"- She's guessed it from those clues! - Straightaway."
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"Not me. I've had experience, so um.."
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"I was the main thing and I did impressions of the conference co-ordinator, Eric Hitchmo."
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"Like he's got a withered hand, like Jeremy Beadle. I didn't mention it. No need."
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"Ooh."
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"You try something and that's..."
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"Cheers. Thank you. Thank you very much."
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"- It might be, but... bad, isn't it? - It's all right. It's funny."
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"- The joke? - The gist of it."
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"- It won't be funny now. - I don't care. What's the content?"
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"Royal family, sitting at home, Christmas day. And uh, Camilla goes, "let's play a game."
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"So Charles goes, "is it bigger than the bread bin?" Camilla goes, "yup"."
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"I can see someone would find that offensive."
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"It's not racist though, is it? I don't say anything bad about black people."
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"No, you're using the stereotype that all black men have large penises because you think that makes it funnier."
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""Yes David, I've called this meeting coz I want you to go down the 24 hour carriage and get me some hobnobs!""
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"Like in scooby doo, all those scooby snacks. That's because he's got the munchies, innit?"
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"- I'll be going back weekends. - All right. Ok."
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"Sorry. So have you got a boyfriend or not?"
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"- What? - I'm planning to get off with her, so.."
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"- They came for the package. - Oh they came did they?"
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"Lee!"
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"Morning, Gareth."
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"Muppets."
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"I've not given up on the idea of going to university. It's not like I'm never gonna go,"
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"it's just that I've been made senior sales rep, which is a great opportunity for me."
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"There's now people coming in from Swindon, which is a new and exciting sort of venture for me as well."
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"Listen. I suggest we put this down as a lesson."
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"You have this stuff over to me by three o'clock today. Three o'clock today please."
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"Allright? Then we'll say no more about it. All right?"
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"Ok. See ya."
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"Gareth Keenan. Who's that?"
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"Oggy oggy oggy! Oink oink oink! Oggy oggy oggy! Oink oink oink!"
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"Oggy... oggy... oggy oggy oggy! Oink oink oink!"
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"See you later."
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"- Do you still keep in touch with Oggy? - That was Oggy just then."
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"- Was it? How is he? - He's fine. You don't even know him."
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"- No. I wish I did. He sounds great. - He is, actually."
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"One thing though. When you're on the phone could you keep the pig impersonations down to a minimum?"
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"Yeah. Here we go. I've told you before, you can't tell me what to do, I'm team leader."
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"No it doesn't. My job title actually means something, Gareth."
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"No it doesn't. It's a title someone's given you to get you to do something they don't want to do for free. Right?"
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"It's like making the div kid at school milk monitor. No one respects it."
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"- I think they do. - No they don't, Gareth."
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"Yes, they do. Coz If people were rude to me, then I used to give them their milk last, so it was warm."
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"Allright?"
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"Oh, no..."
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"I found that. Look at that. Inside Paper."
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"It's the trade magazine for the paper industry. My ugly mug on the front!"
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"Embarrassing."
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"All right."
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"He's put me off what I was doing. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Making the phone calls."
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"Don't..."
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"Dawn, someone's coming to collect that later, so, if you could..."
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"Lee, I wouldn't get caught behind there today, mate,"
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"coz there's new people coming in and Top brass are milling about, so."
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"I'm sorry about that. I've got to supervise everything and make sure it's all sort of...you know."
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"- You haven't visited for ages. - Yeah. Well I'm busy now,sort of a bit snowed under."
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"- But you're all right, though? - Yeah I'm fine. You?"
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"- Mmm. Did you...? - Your phone."
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"- It's all go! - This is Neil."
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"- Neil Godwin. - Hi."
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"Neil is Jennifer's replacement. He's sort of overseeing the.."
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"I'm David's boss."
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"- Just a little bit above me and that's.. - I'm UK manager."
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"Looking after's the wrong term to use because we're both... good to meet you though."
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"- We have met before. Ipswich conference. - Oh, god. I was a leetle bit drunk!"
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"Anyway... come into my boudoir."
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"- Ooh! Is Jennifer with you? - No. She's on her way, apparently."
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"Part-timer."
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"Monkey!"
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"Just an example of the laughs we have here - for one."
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"Sure, we're in potentially traumatic times,"
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"but they are exciting times with the merger."
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"Things move fast. Only two weeks ago, I was telling them at the party, I'd decided to stay after all,"
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"and you saw how relieved they were at that."
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"But we've had a personnel change of 20-25%, people coming and going."
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"Redundancies - some voluntary, some involuntary, which is always hard."
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"I had to let my P.A. go. Last in, first out."
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"Which was really sad. That was upsetting."
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"I'm coping. I rolled with the punch. And it turns out Dawn can do a lot of it anyway, so.."
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"I'm sure there's gonna be plenty of time for this later. I just thought I'd give you some of this now."
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"Is that in your way? You can put some of it down there because I'll move that."
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"Oh, god. Look at that. Stupid."
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"Get UK manager of the month, Inside Paper, and pull a daft face. Typical."
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"- You look quite young there. - Yep. Photogenic..sort of natural.."
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"- It's 18 months old. - Yeah."
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"I mean to throw that out..I got it out today to throw it away. Definitely."
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"- Look at that. - Inside paper inside the paper bin!"
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"Recycle that. It's a shame coz..."
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"Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!"
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"Stop! Move away from the cookie jar!"
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"- Hello... - Want a biscuit?"
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"Good, innit?"
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"Do you know this little thing we're doing lunchtime? Just a welcome do for the new Swindon lot."
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"Just to meet and greet, and uh.. I'll be doing a speech, so no heckling."
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"- I've got a joke you can use. - Well you don't used to do jokes but go on."
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"All right. It's Christmas dinner. Royal family having a Christmas dinner."
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"- So what she's thinking is a black man's cock. - Trust Camilla. It's not racist, is it?"
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"No. So, Prince Philip goes, "is it bigger than the bread bin?" she goes, "yeah.""
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"Prince Charles goes, "Is it something I can put it in my mouth?" She goes, "Yeah.""
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"The Queen goes, "is it a black man's cock?""
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"Well done. So do it again."
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"Stop! move away from the cookie jar!"
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"Look forward to this!"
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"Big day today. The Swindon mob are arriving."
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"I've laid on a little do for them. Part of the job."
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"- Hi. My names Sheila. - Hi, Sheila."
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"If you're asking what vibe I'm gonna lay down,"
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